The Exes talk. Have you had it? And exes on Facebook

[Kerry]

my SO has an ex-wife and she's also on FB. we talk about her all the time- there's no love lost there she's just the most rotten person alive. she is on of his FB friends as is a couple of woman he dated briefly after he got divorced but I don't worry about them or anything happening. when we 1st started talking about his exes it was kinda weird for both of us but they're a part of his past and I wanted to know. since I know everything there's no jealousy on my part. in fact I hope to one day meet his ex-wife. the stories he tells me about her I just have to see for myself.

[DemonxOisin]

Yeah, facebook can be a terrible thing if you are insecure.

Miguel and I started out as friends, while he was still in an almost 2 year relationship with someone. And the only "real" reason that they broke up was because he moved to Canada, and wasnīt willing to do the LDR thing with her, so of course they stayed close (as friends). To be honest, I donīt really like her as a person, but I know that they will never get back together, so their friendship doesnīt bother me.

To be honest, we have never really had "the ex conversation", but rather, just talk about it whenever it comes up. Actually, I have officially met every girl heīs ever slept with, and know the history between all of them. We donīt really have anything to hide, we just talk about this kind of thing when the situation calls for it.

[lucybelle]

Yeah we've talked about it, and I think more talks will come. He's had a ton of "exes" and we run into them allll the time. Like seriously, the only women he knows that he hasn't screwed and the female members of his family. Every other woman, he has screwed. So yeah, it does bother me a little bit. I know the past is the past, and I don't even really mind meeting these chicks. But I just don't want to know the details. Or the other way around. I'd be cool with the details, if I never met the girl involved. But knowing both is not cool. And I know both way more often than I'd like.

We'll work on it

[kiara_silver]

He has it easy: he's my first boyfriend so I don't have any exes for him to get jealous about, haha!

same lol lucky him.
He's always been open and hasn't kept anything from me, and i used to be jealous just because someone got to be his girl before me... even if brief and she didn't deserve him, i still was jealous. Just that i wasn't his "first" but im long over this. I am his first in so many and his first true love he says. And i know it. So were good on exes. Although sometimes once in a blue moon i wonder and wanna ask a question but its easily pushed away and over with.

[Deleted]

Facebook sucks for relationships, it simply does.

I've talked to my SO about ex's and I must admit I can't help being kind of jealous. i've been getting better, I can even joke a little now about it, but it does make me a little sick. I think none of us likes thinking of our SO's with other girls... or boys, whatever. In my case besides, he's my first boyfriend and I am his number 4 or maybe 5, althought he says I'm the only he's been really serious about and the one he does love, and that the others were just girlfriends for the case of getting to know them. I don't know, it made me pretty insecure in the beginning because I was unsure if I was just one more of the girls he liked.

I guess it still makes me insecure, because if I know he's had several ex's, in my mind it means he's one to fall in love or like a girl very easily. He will of course deny it and I really want to believe it is true (plus I'm the one who's lasted the longest, hell yeah :P ). I've been told I did make him change a lot for the better and that he is definitely a very different person from the one he was before, so I believe all of his ex's are in the past. But there is one ex that does bother him a lot and hits on him via facebook inbox, saying she still loves him. They were long distance too and she cheated on him... three times with the same guy. Eventually they broke up because she had chosen this other guy. She is still with him and she cheats on him now by hitting on my SO and saying she loves him. Ugh.

Then there was this day when she was inboxing him via facebook...just in the moment I was talking to him. And he was replying. I know he was telling her that it was over between them and that he was in love with me now, but it really hurt to feel he was sharing his time with me...with this girl. I had a very serious talk with him later because the next day he told me he felt like I was being distant to him and that I was upset and he did believe it was his fault. When I told him he said he had supposed it and he asked me to forgive him because it had been wrong. We had another exes talk and I think this time it worked out...

As it's been said, there is a big difference between THEM telling HIM that they miss him or love him and HIM telling THEM so. My SO has never done that and I really have to remember that when I get to know this ex appears...

[13000km]

I am most definitely the insecure type. We had the talk early on in the relationship. He's only been in two relationships before me. They didn't last long but wow those girls are gorgeous! And I sometimes end up thinking why me? I look nowhere near as pretty, am nowhere near as sporty or outgoing as his exgirlfriends are. But then he says things like "I was thinking in class, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met" in Chinese, and I don't feel as unattractive anymore. I also had two ex boyfriends and I had been single for almost 1.5 years by the time we met. He's neither jealous or insecure and when I ask him about how he feels about the topic he just says "I know you love me too much". S: But he's right...

[LoveL]

Maybe it's just personal opinion, but if your current SO doesn't care enough about your relationship to ditch certain types on conversations with an ex partner then it says a lot about their commitment to you.

Even in a perfect world, where the SO truly doesn't care one way or the other about the ex, why keep them friended and why continue talking to them, or worse why give them compliments about their appearence and things like that. If it bothers you, tell him/her that it makes you uncomfortable and that you feel that they are crossing a line. If they care and respect you the way they say they do, then they should stop that behavior.

I believe it's possible to maintain a semblance of communication post-relationship. But to be chummy-chummy, buddy-buddy, huggy-huggy, or to compliment their appearance constantly or to have people tell them things like "I love you! I Miss you!" ...... That's just showing that the other person doesn't respect your current relationship.

And to the PO: If Facebook is so important to him, but he won't even update his status to say that he is in a relationship, I would think there are some red flags there that you guys need to address before you go forward. Bottom line, if it's important to you, and he cares about you, then it should be important to him too.

[temporaryuser]

with age comes opnness. Both of us have been married for 10 years. Both had relationships before that. Its all part of life that made you who you are. We discuss it frequently.

[HisCutie]

The last serious relationship I was in had an ex-wife and kids attached. That was some drama that I should have stayed away...FAR away. It's bad enough you have to deal with the mental torture that normally comes along with the being the next girl in his life and subconsciously comparing yourself to everyone he's ever looked at (haha). He wasn't over her and I got dumped via text message.

[alesitag]

When we met, I had been in a relationship for five and a half years, and he knew that right from the start. After a couple of days of chatting he said he had developed feelings for me so quickly he was overwhelmed, but that he understood my situation and he was respectful enough to keep our relationship at a friend level.

When I broke up with my ex, he was there for me all the time, you might think he was all over me and trying to take advantage of the situation, but it was the other way around, he was very objective, kind and caring... he was very supportive... he was the best friend I could have had during that hell of a week... that's why I think of him as my angel...

On the other hand, he was single when we met, but had a friend with benefits. He stopped seeing her "that way" right after he noticed he had feelings for me and this girl ended up back with her ex. He had a tough time a month ago, near Valentine's Day, because I made a video for him I uploaded on YouTube and set as private, but somehow she saw it, and she emailed him ranting about not telling her he had feelings for someone else. When he told me about this, I encouraged him to talk to this girl to set things straight, since she's one of his closest friends. He was reluctant about it, but he finally did and they're fine again. I was a bit insecure but i had to trust him and I'm so glad I did...

And about exes on FB, it's so simple, mine unfriended me shortly after we broke up, and my baby doesn't like FB so he closed his account

[lala]

I just saw some pics on his friend's and parents albums in facebook of him and his ex.. I know that he was in two relationship which lasted 2-2,5 years.. but still it's hard to see that his parents knew her, that she went to with him to his brother's wedding.. that his friends were and some are still friends with her. It just makes me feel like I'm not that special, that a girl before me did those things I did with him. I knoooow it's a bit silly what I'm saying right now, cause that's just normal I guess. Well I have never been in a relationship in my 23 years.. and I never brought someone home, so I can't really understand how it feels like.. His parents and family loves me he said that a couple of times.. but did they also love his other gf?!hmm I guess I'm a bit jealous about that lol.. -.-

[11MikesGirl21]

When he was living back (at his) home for a while exes were a problem in person. Especially since he was working at a costume store at the time and he was in charge of the dressing room; getting customers new sizes, etc. A couple of his exes who wanted to completely ignore my existence used that to their advantage. One kissed him topless while he was working and then had a meltdown and tore up the store because he told her to stop, he was in a relationship with me, and happy. I didn't care about it so much because he was up front with me and told me about it as soon as he could.

He had a loaded history with another ex, who he stayed in sporadic contact with. I didn't like it but given their history I let it happen. He just recently cut her out of his life completely though.

He also gets regular emails from a girl who had a crush on him in high school and somehow now has it in her head that they were dating at one point. She out right admits to hating me, etc, etc. He tells me the gist of the emails he finds that cross a line. I see her as harmless and I find what she has to say kind of funny. She's four years younger than me and my SO.

I just take it as a part of life. There were girls who came before me, big whoop. He's with me now and I know how he feels about me. Sure I get a little jealous and pissed off about it, but that's a temporary feeling and insignificant to how we feel about eachother. If stuff was happening and he didn't tell me it'd be different, but he makes a point to.

He lives with my grandparents back where I grew up now. No exes are around, but he helps out at my old high school with band and a bunch of the girls there have developed some school girl crushes on him. I know them all, so I find it funny.

I have no exes, but apparently some fo the guys I went to school with had a thing for me at one point that I was oblivious to. When they talk to me (I've known most of them for 10 plus years and I don't live at home 9 months out of the year so when I'm home we catch up a bit, usually at church) it irks my SO. But none of them ever cross the line of acceptable. We hug and that's about it. They're more reluctant to hug when my SO is around, but we typically do anyway because we've been friends for years and I consider them my brothers.

[MeganK]

We had a talk about it.
He told me he had deleted her number and wasnt talking to her anymore.
When i got there for 6 mnth stay. I found all kinds of stuff that had to do with her.
He hid pictures of them when they went to florida, he still had old texts on his phone from her,
he kept her number. He just couldnt break contact with her.
Finallly he did bcus i told him it was me or her.
Everytime it gets brought up we argue about it, he knows he made the mistake
of wanting to be her friend still.

I read on a website once, ' ur exes are in the past for a reason, leave them there'
ill have to find that website again and post it here.

[cymlee]

He's my first boyfriend, so he doesn't have any exes of mine to worry about.

Now he on the other hand has had a few, but we really haven't had a conversation about them. He's told me the short story about the ex that caused a lot of the commitment issues and relationship trauma he still has. Even though he hasn't mentioned her name, there is one ex I really don't like. They have some history and she asked my boyfriend to be her son's godfather. They're friends on Facebook, follower each other on Twitter and I know she still calls him from time to time too, because she called when he came to visit me for Valentine's Day. They've maintained a friendship, which I am okay with because I completely trust him. I just don't like what she put him through, which is something else my boyfriend and I have discussed without going into much detail.

[meganrey]

We've had 'the exes talk'... Went fine, no biggie. He seems to alright with the fact that I still have contact with my ex - he owes my mother money and since she wont speak to him, I do all the business. I'm sure he might be a little perturbed that I still talk to him on a monthly basis...but I think that he (the ex) lives in another state helps ease the tension.

As far as him talking to me about his exes...well...I'm certainly not jealous but I just cannot stand hearing about them. lol My ex would compare the things I do or didn't do to what his ex/babies momma did. My SO doesn't do this...but I think I may have some deep seeded issue because of it. Of course, I keep it to myself - he doesn't know that I can't stand to hear about his exes and it's not like he brings them up all the time. If he does it's usually a funny crazy ex gf story. lol