He lied about hanging out with a female friend

[Hollandia]

We are obviously going to have to agree to disagree here. There is one group that wholeheartedly supports her. And one that that supports her and are empathetic with him let's not make this a thread fight. We just don't see eye to eye that's all.

I agree.

We all have our own opinions about it.

[miss_jaclynrae]

They set their boundaries. She made it clear that she wasn't comfortable with something and he agreed.
He then LIED and did it anyways.
It doesn't matter if any of us think her boundary is wrong, or if any of us think what he did wasn't a big deal.


In their relationship, it was WRONG, and he did it anyways.
I know if it was me, my trust would be broken. I wouldn't scream off with his head, but I know 100% I would be thinking about our individual view on boundaries in a relationship and would be figuring out our compatibility in those. There are somethings I would never be ok with, and that is OK, just how OP can have things she isn't ok with.

I would be heart broken, and actually this is something that has happened to our relationship early when we first started dating. We almost ending things. He didn't DO anything, but he hid it from me that he was hanging out with this person and that broke my trust.
We are still together though, because I made it clear I wouldn't tolerate it and he realized I was worth it. He also to this day treats me like a princess and we have complete transparency in our relationship. I told him from the beginning that I needed to be #1, always. That works for us, even though I am sure it would never work for other couples.

Just know your worth OP, and stand by what you believe unless you truly feel comfortable changing it.
COMMUNICATION. Time to have a serious talk with your SO again.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Please stop trying to make this into you are right and I am wrong type of debate. I stated my opinion and you stated yours.

I was asking for insight to try to see other sides of it beyond the one I'm most accustomed to running into; if you don't want to discuss it, that's fine, but just say so.

[Hollandia]

I was asking for insight to try to see other sides of it beyond the one I'm most accustomed to running into; if you don't want to discuss it, that's fine, but just say so.

I am sorry but you were creating a debate over I subject I consider to be all opinions. I am all for debating but not about subjects that are opinions. I thought that what I said pretty clearly stated I don't wish to discuss it in a debate format.

I stated it as such to make sure you understood I won't debate it with you because it is all of matter of my opinion versus yours and that is not something that can be debated anymore than if you believe in teaching your kids that Santa exists or not. You either do or you don't. Neither is right and neither is wrong.

I am a realist and I pull no punches, sorry if that came off as offensive. This is my outlook on the subject and I agree to disagree with this matter for the other posters but I stand by my opinion and advice I wished to present to the OP.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I am sorry but you were creating a debate over I subject I consider to be all opinions. I am all for debating but not about subjects that are opinions. I thought that what I said pretty clearly stated I don't wish to discuss it in a debate format.

I'm not going to prolong this because I think we're both done, but please don't tell me what I was trying to do. In that post that you quoted, it wasn't directed to the OP, particularly.. I wanted to hear your opinion, having stated why I held mine and what I had run into. It was not intended as a debate, it was intended as questions that I wanted to discuss/hear opinions on.

(In the Santa analogy, it would be me saying "here's why I'm teaching my kid about Santa.. here's what I think it means. Here's what I've come across with other kids who have learned about Santa" and asking why you aren't/how you came to that/what you see as issues with it, etc.) It wasn't intended to come across as accusatory, just to point out what is often the reasoning, including what I have personally witnessed, regarding the trust thing, but being open to hearing it if there was something interesting or that I hadn't thought of regarding it.

You're not interested in doing so, which is fine, but questions, even from someone who has already expressed a different view, don't automatically mean debate or that one person is trying to prove the other wrong.

[Hollandia]

I'm not going to prolong this because I think we're both done, but please don't tell me what I was trying to do. In that post that you quoted, it wasn't directed to the OP, particularly.. I wanted to hear your opinion, having stated why I held mine and what I had run into. It was not intended as a debate, it was intended as questions that I wanted to discuss/hear opinions on.

You're not interested in doing so, which is fine.

You can call it looking for insight but your first paragraph insinuated that I am wrong abut saying people are entitled to have the type of relationships they wish. Quite frankly you come off as very judgmental in most of your posts in this thread. Stating that I feel the way I do and/or the OP does means we don't trust our SO's is bias and insulting. You are entitled to your opinions and we are ours.

I don't have to say my post is directed to the OP in a thread she made. It was my opinion about the subject and my advice to the OP. I think I have said more than several times I don't feel that you can debate things that are opinions. You want my insight on why I think it is opinion? Because I do, there is nothing to debate because it is my opinion that it is about opinions and I can go round this circle a hundred times with you. What I said was to nip it in the bud. You made bullets of my post and comments to debunk each one I feel was hidden in the guise of looking for more of my opinion.

I have been in plenty of my share of debates and I am sorry to tell you this, but that is how debates are done. I have said this a few times before and I shall again. I DON'T wish to debate, discuss or dissect my reasoning behind my opinions and I agree to disagree on that matter. I won't get anymore dragged into this and I am not the only one you have tried to debunk on this thread. Have a good day.

[Black_Halloween]

Lol the "im not gonna argue anymore" posts. If youre not gonna argue, shush up and dont post anymore! Posting back and forth about how youre not gonna argue anymore is arguing!!!!!" All you want is the last word. -facepalm-

[damheet]

Update for those interested (also my last post): We had a nice long talk last night and understand each other very well now. I made it very clear that lying and making promises he can't keep are unacceptable in all circumstances. I've had many issues with these behaviors in the past and am not willing to tolerate them. I do believe it was merely a lapse of judgement on his part, and I don't think it will be a recurring issue. I have decided to re-extend my trust to him because other than this he has been a wonderful boyfriend to me and I love him very much. We will be re-working ground rules sometime in the next few days and hopefully set boundaries we can both live by.

To those of you who gave me thoughtful meaningful advice and shared your stories, thank you very much. You helped me a lot and I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and extend your support. Thank you again.

To those of you who accused me of snooping, being jealous, controlling, distrustful etc... You misunderstood me greatly. I came here in a crisis, deeply hurt, with no idea of what to do next. I was looking for help, guidance to help me out of a tough situation. Yes, I have trust issues. This is a result from extending my trust blindly to men who didn't deserve it for my entire life. I was afraid I had done it again. You accusing me of doing things I've making a strong conscious effort not to do and had been successful with was not helpful. I even found some of your words hurtful and insulting. I'm telling you this so that hopefully the next time someone comes to you in a crisis you are more receptive to what they're saying and find some more constructive ways to voice your opinions.