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**princessmaria** · October 23, 2013, 09:31 AM

If you want her to do those things more, then you have to ask. If you already know she's the type of woman to not be so open then you can't expect her to naturally do the things that you do. Tell her that it bothers you and that you would like if she would open up more and be more affectionate. It's okay to ask, everyone needs reassurance and love from time to time. You're obviously giving it to her, and relationships should always try to be 50/50. I'm well aware this is not always possible in times of stress, but the point is to try to equally put in as much work as the other person. She needs to cater more to your emotional needs, but until she knows you have these needs, she cannot even begin to make a change.

**BigMatt93** · October 23, 2013, 10:19 AM

I have no idea how to bring that up to her though.. At least not in a sense where I just don't feel like a jerk after doing it. Because I know she'll tell me I should of told her. But what am I going to do? Wake her up every 20 minutes because I"m getting lonely? Like I said, I love putting her to bed. I just get tired of having to be the one with all the pressure on their shoulders. If I didn't keep a conversation going, Like I stated in my OP, the phone line would be dead quiet during a phone call between us. She'll say a couple things here and there but ultimately it comes back to me and "Why aren't you talking, baby?" I love her dearly, but I just want her to realize all the pressure and stress I'm under and more or less to take charge every once in awhile and be able to hold a conversation with me instead of me always being the one who has to think of things to talk about. I understand she's tired during the week when she gets off work. We've been talking about arranging a visit in the near future once I graduate and start working, but there too, I'm the one who has to come to her. I will give her credit, she came and seen me 2 different times in South Carolina before I moved back to Nebraska and I lived 35-40 minutes away from her and both times we got together happened to be a Sunday. But I couldn't leave town god forbid my family needed my truck for something, she knew and understood this and she INSISTED on coming and seeing me regardless of the circumstance. Which was awesome.

I guess my problem is sometimes I just want her to put in a little bit more effort. I run my mouth for 5-6+ hours every night when we talk talking about random nonsense. It's only natural that I run out of stuff to talk about. I feel like I go above and beyond to make her feel special and loved, and I'm not saying she doesn't make me feel special or loved... But it's always the same dry "I love you baby" or "I miss you" or "I need you here with me." I want to be there with her, sometimes it would just be nice to hear "I can tell your stressed baby... Here, Let's talk about all the things we're going to do when I come visit YOU in NEBRASKA." or "Let me tell you what I want us to do together as a couple when I come see YOU" Again, I love her dearly and with everything in my body, Sometimes I just feel like it's a little one sided and it honestly overwhelms me knowing that I've got 5 more months of school to get through, another month or two after that before I take my state exam, and then i'll have my probationary period where I can't really call in sick or take a personal day from work. She is quite a bit older than I am, she's been in her career line since 98, and I'm sure she's comp'd up some vacation time so far this year. I know there are problems at home as far as her father's health, but I also know as much of a help as she is to her father's well being, she isn't the primary care taker. Her sister lives next door and she lives at home with her mom to help care for her dad.

When I look at the picture as a whole, it's overwhelming and I honestly don't feel like I'll be able to see her as soon as she thinks I'm going to be able too. Like I said, she's an adult and has her own responsibilities and I'm an adult with my own responsibilities and priorities... But I'm getting ready to enter a stage of life where I'm in my dream career field, I'll be the rookie , I'll get stuck with the shit shifts most of the time... and It'll be a good year or more before I have decent vacation time comped to see her. I'm willing to wait as long as I need to, to be able to see her. I know she means well when she tells me she misses me, and I always tell her I miss her back and that I love her... Sometimes I feel like maybe she's forgotten what it's like to be the rookie in your career field.. When your the rookie you can't do shit... and right now, More than anything, that is a major factor and worry for me. I really don't want to lose her because she got discouraged because I'm the rookie and getting called into work at odd and unusual hours, working double and triple shifts, and the fact that right now I'm a college student who has class 2 days a week, and occasionally 3 days a week. I work a mediocre job that I was promised the world in and then got shit on, so I'm lucky when I do actually get called in to work due to things beyond my control that has nothing to do with me. She honestly doesn't seem like that kind of person... But again, Right now she's okay with waiting for me and will wait as long as she needs to, But is that going to be the case 6-8 months from now when I'm working 5-6 days a week, our phone calls are cut in half as far as length and quantity every night or get pushed to a couple times every 3-4 days, and she realizes that when I told her to expect it to be a good 8 months to a year before I got out of my probationary period, and that it would probably be a good year before I comped up enough vacation time worth taking a vacation and not only that... Again, I know I sound like a broken record... But I'm going to be at the bottom of the food chain in the ranks.. I'll get stuck with shit shifts working double and triple shifts, probably work most of the holidays.. Will she be able to wait that long for me to get established in my career and to do what I need to do in order to earn that vacation time.

**Black_Halloween** · October 23, 2013, 10:29 AM

I really think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with her about everything that you're feeling. That's the only way anything is going to get resolved. Don't accuse her of anything, a lot of "I feels" and questions. Suggest playing games together, watch a movie together, ectect.

**LDLovebird** · October 23, 2013, 11:07 AM

Parts of this sound like my SO could have written it. He is holding back with feelings too. I tell you what I tell him. Talk about your feelings and what you want. I wish you two all the best.

**mellif** · October 23, 2013, 03:44 PM

Love is patient; don't worry about whether or not she will wait a year or more for you, because she probably will. And, love endures everything. It won't go away just because you talk less and feel immense pain of missing your SO. If that were the case, I'm sure many successful LDR's around here wouldn't have worked out. Also, I know some females aren't familiar with how to romance their boyfriends because they like being pampered. Tell her about how you feel, but she may not be able to be romantic to your level right away. Once she knows how nice it is to make your SO feel romanced, she'll become better at it. Everyone said good advice about everything else, good luck!!

**Fudgee** · October 23, 2013, 04:39 PM

I almost cried for reading your posts. She is a very lucky girl to have such a caring and loving boyfriend like you.
It made me feel guilty sometimes when my SO do those things for me and I just don't give shit sometimes.
Looks you both have been through a lot of emotional stress. A

can help relieve those, well I can'y give you a good advice
but rather an experience I've been through same as your SO. It's true most women are emotional and cries a lot, but I think
there is something that is holding her back to open up to you. Thinking of the fact because the distance between you two, from
a woman's perception I would feel the same way as her unless she has a personal problem that she can't just tell you.
It shows that you do all the efforts here, let her do her part. My SO spoils me a lot, which ends up me nagging at him crying for no reason
because he wouldn't do something I expected. Yes, it feels terrible that way but maybe that's the consequences of being in a Long distance relationship.
LDR is one of the very challenging and complicated relationship. You both must be committed to each other, I can see how much you love her.
But the question does she also feel the same way. The only thing that is important here is your trust, commitment and communication.
You may not talk everyday or see in Skype everyday but as long as you know you are both fully committed to each other then everything comes along.
What I learned here in this LDR community that do not put your world and everything to your SO only. Leave something for yourself, live your life
as you should be while you are away from her. My SO always pushes me to go out with my friends, have fun and not just stay home and talk to him all day.

Let her miss you sometimes as much as you miss her. I know you want to be always there for her but as long as you let her feel that you're there.
She will soon open up to you and everything will be fine, cheer up! This is one of the most challenging you can encounter in your life but always remain positive.

I wish you both all the best!

**snow** · October 23, 2013, 05:18 PM

In the beginning of our relationship my man has been very patient with me. We have talked through my issues until late in the night and he would have only very little sleep before he could go to work. So I do get where you are coming from. There was this period where my man was just tired of waiting and tired of not seeing me. He was depressed and feeling really down and one day while we were talking he said "sometimes it has to be you who keeps the conversation going, tonight I just can't" and I did what he asked me to do.
From what I understood your phone is the only way to really talk to her besides emails, right? Is there a possibility for you two to voice chat through Skype or TeamSpeak maybe? 1 - it is less expensive if you have a good internet connection, 2 - you won't need to talk ALL the time when you see each other (Skype). Watching each other do something can be fun and maybe make her miss you less or be more hopeful!

Other than that, I can only tell you to just say what you need, when you need it. Not in a demanding way, but just ask for it.

**BigMatt93** · October 23, 2013, 06:36 PM

Black_Halloween - I know I mentioned this... But I feel like if I talk to her about this and be straight forward and to the point about it all, she'll get upset that I didn't talk to her about it sooner. Which I can understand. I mentioned that I was stubborn, So one thing that usually stops me from talking about this small little issue are thoughts like "She's got her own stress to worry about, it's not a huge issue, we have plenty of time to talk about it and resolve it." She's not a game person nor am I, and I honestly don't think she's much of a computer user. When we talk at night, I always have my TV on and sometimes it'll frustrate her and she thinks that I intentionally stay awake every night all night so that I don't fall asleep before her and so she always has to be the one who falls asleep first. I've explained that I'm a night owl and I have been since before I was even into my teen years. I stay up late because it's the only time I get to be left the hell alone and the only time I get peace and quiet away from my family's nonsense and that I had no plans of really changing my sleeping habits because it's what works best for me. I honestly don't think she can make it through a movie. I mean when I call her at night, I can have her snoring and out cold within 5 to 10 minutes. Then the rest of the night other than the occasional moment throughout the night where she wakes up and we can attempt to have a conversation before she falls back asleep, I'm sitting in my room by myself staring at a tv screen or computer screen in the dark, sitting in silence with nobody to talk to and that's when my insecurities and my own personal issues start to rise and tear me apart. Then she'll wake up and sometimes I'll try to hide it, but she's learned to see through my fake "Happy face" and get me to talk. It means the world to me that she would sit and listen to me, But at the end of the day, and I feel weird for saying this... But I need something a little bit more reassuring and from the heart than "Everything's going to be fine baby." or "Don't worry about it, You'll do fine..."

LDLoveBird - Thank you for the support

I've been put in situations throughout my life though where I've held back my feelings because I honestly felt like I was protecting people to an extent. But it's happened enough times in my short 19 years alive that when I open up and address my concerns whether it was with a past lover, and I've had both LDR and CDRs in the past, or if it was talking to my family about an issue I was having, Or if somebody did something in my family that hurt me, or I had problems with a friend. I always got turned into the bad guy. I was the bad guy for not giving somebody a chance or for "overreacting" when they were just "teasing me" or "having some fun and pulling my leg." and that's another major worry for me here. I'm scared that l will open up to her and express what I talked about here with her and I'll somehow be the asshole in this situation too.

Mellif - I can understand if she isn't able to tap into her romantic side as easily as I've been able to learn how to do over the years. I know this is a common misconception that goes around all the time. But most women and I say most and not all, because not all expect this.. But a lot of women expect their lover/man/bf/SO to kind of take the hints she's dropping and automatically understand what it is that she needs from him. I haven't ever done this, so I know I can't expect her to help when I haven't expressed that theirs a problem or something bothering me. It's not that I necessarily want to talk about what's bothering me when/if something is bothering me. I don't want to make her sit through some long pity party/rant about what has me upset because 9 times out of 10, it's one of four things, has always been one of four things, and it's always going to be the same four things, that has me upset and up all night wondering and those things are Work, School, Family and all the drama constantly resurfacing with it, and God forbid things don't work out with school or work, What's that going to do to my future. I would just like to see her take the hint that "Hey... Something is really wrong here. He is NOT AT ALL HIMSELF tonight.. When we talk and he expresses what's wrong, it's always one of those four things that has him stressed, I should steer his mind away from all of that and reassure him." I guess what my main issue is.. I feel open enough to tell her everything, including my "secrets" and my little white lies, and let's face it. We all tell LWL's at some point or another. At the end of the day, All I really want is for her to talk to me and quit expecting me to carry our conversations every night. I tell her this all the time, Talk to me... I don't care about what, good or bad, whatever.. Just talk to me.

**BigMatt93** · October 23, 2013, 07:33 PM

Fudgee - That was my original problem.. When I first moved back to Nebraska.. I had NOTHING but TIME to kill so I would sit around all day and twittle my thumbs until she got home from work and then once she went to bed at night, I finally would get to talk to her and I was excited to talk to her and be able to put her to bed. She didn't say much, which I guess is really my main problem and what hurts the most right now... But I was sitting around bored all day so I looked forward to talking to her every night. Not that I still don't, I look forward to our conversations every night.. But back when I first started settling in, I had nothing to do so I was content to talk to her every night until she fell asleep. But now I feel as if, Yeah I still enjoy doing that... But now I've got all kinds of stresses and worries going on in my life. Both positive stress and negative stress and I just need her to be there. I mean, I wake up early every Saturday morning just to spend an hour or so on the phone with her while she cooks herself breakfast and does her morning routine until she gets settled for the day and I let her go so she can go do whatever it is she has planned. I'm going to school and I LOVE IT, but when I have a bad night or I'm frustrated. I need more than "I'm sorry baby, It'll get better!" and like I mentioned in my previous reply to somebody.. It's not that I necessarily want to talk about my problems, I just want her to take notice that I'm acting out of the ordinary and being quiet and avoiding certain things. I want her to notice that, take charge, and without revolving it around me having to do all the talking and answering questions about what's wrong. I feel like she should be able to talk to me and completely make me forget about what's bothering me, Like I'm able to do for her, and after we talk about whatever it is that has me breaking down. 9 times out of 10, although I appreciate the time she took to listen to me bitch and whine about why I'm upset, I usually feel 10x worse then when I started.

Snow - Yes my phone is pretty much the only way I'm able to keep contact as emails usually only happen on very rare occasion now when I can't reach her. Or if she's fallen asleep, I'll send her a little good night email or instant message. I know she has a yahoo and she keeps her yahoo logged in on her phone. I haven't really asked her, again I'm at fault with this particular thing. I should ask her and see what she says, But I feel like because I'm usually the one who emails and everything, I feel like if I ask her she'll tell me she cant or if I ask her if we can webcam and voice chat, with my luck she'll tell me she uses a desktop and that her desktop is out in the living room and at 33 years old, she's worried that her parents are going to "snoop" and not approve maybe? If that's the case though... I mean my entire household knows about Carrie. I talk about her openly, when she calls I make it clear that we are a couple because I hardly ever answer her by her name I say things like "Hey baby" or "Hey beautiful" and just by listening to me if you were unaware that I had feelings for her, You'd know instantly. I know she loves me... But if this is the case. If a soon to be 20 year old can tell his parent's he's dating somebody almost old enough to be them and my family is cool with it, would her situation and her family's response be so much more different than mine was with my family? I mean maybe she's just not the techy type, Which I understand. I'm really not either. I jump on for a few hours every day just so my email doesn't overflow and I can stay up to date on the forums I'm apart of for all of my hobbies. But regardless, If there is no real issue or reason as to why she hasn't ever considered webcam and mic chat, even though I've only brought it up a time or two, if it's something as small as not having a webcam and a microphone, you can get one they're not that expensive... You can spend $20 - $30 and get a halfway decent one or you can spend an extra $20 or so and get one of better quality with everything built directly into it. I believe that this is also what I'm missing with her. Besides the fact that at times I feel alone, It's just the simple little things like a cute picture or a quick 10-15 webcam and mic chat that would make all the difference for me and change my attitude completely so I wouldn't have to feel so down at times.

**BigMatt93** · October 29, 2013, 03:40 AM

Well I've been dropping little hints to my SO about my stress levels and she seems to of picked up on it slightly and understood what I was getting at. She has been more talkative than she's ever been in the past couple days and has opened up a lot more just as far as talking and not giving the slightest care as to what it was and she would laugh and sing to the radio when she would call me on her way home from work. This morning she's pissed off because I didn't call her last night. I tried explaining that I had 2 chapters worth of reading to do to make sure I was prepared for tests #1 and #2 that I had tomorrow on top of the other 4 I'll have between Thursday and Saturday morning class. When I woke up it was late and I knew my SO would be asleep. She just sent me a text 20 minutes ago saying how she didn't understand why I didn't do my reading yesterday and that I still could of called her and told her what I needed to do and then she would of let me go.

It really sucks when she gets like this... I don't know what to do make her happy when she gets like this. She is short with me the rest of the night and genuinely makes me feel like an ass. I feel like it's okay for her to fall asleep early or not return my texts for hours at a time at points when/if she's doing something, but when I let it happen without informing her of why I won't be answering her texts or phone calls, she becomes really moody and I love her dearly. I love talking to her every night. But again, My original post comes in to play. Some times I just don't have it in me to carry on a conversation and sometimes I'm not in the greatest mood and don't have much to say nor do I want to talk when I'm like that usually... I just feel like at times unless my whole world revolves around her then I'm going to have to hear about it later, but she's allowed to go off and do what she wants. She doesn't always tell me what she's doing and honestly I'm fine with that. but if I do text her or ask her what she's doing and she happens to be busy or in the middle of something she just ignores me for hours at a time and then will text me similar things to what I texted her about passing out. It's okay for her to ignore me for hours at a time if she's busy or if she falls asleep, but if I do it, I'm the bad guy and get treated as such with smart ass comments and remarks until I guess she feels we're "even" for me not talking to her or remembering to call her or text her.

I don't know how else to make it clear how stressed I am other than physically shaking her and yelling "I'm stressed!! You need to take over for once baby!"

**BigMatt93** · October 29, 2013, 07:07 AM

I don't know what to think... I ended up calling her and we talked for awhile. I apologized for falling asleep and everything seemed to be okay after I apologized. At that point I could hear it in her voice that she still seemed slightly upset. I know that she didn't get that upset in that short amount of time we were talking over me not calling her earlier in the night. I told her if she had something else on her mind that was bothering her NOW was the time to tell me, Because I KNEW something else was up. She denied anything was wrong and just blamed it all on missing me. Which I can understand. I miss her like crazy, But as of right now, If I look so much into the future as to a few classes ahead of my next class, I get overwhelmed, If I think about the fact that I told her that it's going to take me awhile to establish myself in my career and comp vacation time and she was fine with that to begin with but it seems like she's decided to slowly lose faith in me, I get even more overwhelmed. The thing she said that hurt me the most is when we were talking about Christmas. She kept saying she was freezing, So I was laughing and joking with her so I told her since she's always so cold I was going to send her a bunch of sweat pants, sweat shirts, a snuggie, and a pair of slippers for Christmas. She laughed and then this is where things kind of turned again and I'll admit it really hurt my feelings.. She said not to worry about doing that kind of stuff for her for the Holidays, Instead I could send her a plane ticket. So trying to keep the conversation positive so it didn't turn back into what it started as, Which was pretty much her being butt hurt because I passed out after I finished doing the reading and studying I needed too.. The conversation continued and I asked her "I thought we agree'd that I was going to be coming and visiting you once I finished school?" and here comes the part where I severely got my feelings hurt. Some people may think I'm overreacting, Some people might not. Which is fine, Everybody is entitled to their own opinion. After I asked her that her response was "Yeah... but you told me your parents wouldn't ever set foot in S. Carolina again, So I guess I'm just going to have to constantly visit you since your parents won't ever come back here." When she said that my heart honestly dropped.. I felt like hell after she said it. Here's where my problems lie with that. What in the HELL do my parent's have to do with anything? I am a GROWN MAN capable of making his OWN DECISIONS... Once I graduate school, if I chose to move back to Carolina... You know what let's get creative here. Once I graduated if I chose to move to freaking Antarctica, Germany, France, Indonesia or somewhere on the complete opposite side of the world it would be MY CHOICE and my parent's wouldn't have to like it. They'd only be able to voice their concerns and tell me although they don't agree with it, They support my decision. So here is my question.. I honestly have no idea why it seems to matter so much to her all of a sudden. Why is she so concerned with what everybody is going to think or expect of me? I'm a grown man, I'm almost 20 years old and yeah I still live at home and have to obide by certain rules that my parents have, But at the end of the day.. I'm a GROWN MAN who can make his OWN decisions, What the hell does it matter what anybody thinks and why the hell would the fact that my parent's have no plans on ever stepping foot in South Carolina again have to do with me? She also decided to kick me down further with following all of that up with "I'll be old, wrinkly, and gray by the time you finally get back here." Seriously... Why is she losing faith in me all of a sudden? I tell her all the time that I miss her terribly and that I'm honestly doing EVERYTHING in MY power so I can close the distance and move back to be with her. Then after I reassured her of that and let her know that there was nothing wrong and that I honestly just passed out while I was studying, She went on another rant along the lines of "Seriously baby... When is the last time you called me, huh? Can you answer that?" and at this point... I was getting upset and honestly wanted to scream, rip my hair out, yell, and cry. But I ignored her for a few minutes so I could get my head together so I didn't flip my lid and I calmly answered back "Baby... I call you every night (Which I absolutely do and there is no BS there.) and I'm sorry that I fell asleep earlier, But I'm under a great amount of pressure and stress... I have 6 tests this week on top of all the other crap going on in my life." and she answered that back with "Well you should of done your reading and studying last night and I'm sorry I'm putting SO MUCH extra stress and pressure on you!" and again I went through the whole apology again for being such a terrible SO for not calling her because I passed out. After I said sorry for god knows how many times by that point she replied back with "Well you should of called and told me you had to study and You could of at least told me good night and that you loved me. Then I would of hung up and went to bed so you could finish studying and you could call me back when you were all done for the night."

After all was said and done... I honestly feel I'm somehow the bad guy here. I didn't do anything wrong and I honestly feel like she overreacted BIG TIME about me falling asleep after doing the studying I had to do. I DON"T think it's fair for her to get mad at me over such a trivial thing. I call her EVERY NIGHT and I put her to bed EVERY NIGHT. This one little night that I didn't call her because I passed out from exhaustion, She decided the appropriate way to handle it was to have a melt down and tell me how I never call her at night anymore and that I never talk to her anymore. I've said this time and time again and I'll keep saying it. I love her dearly with everything in my heart. But seriously... W.T.F. There are times where when we're texting I honestly feel like I'm talking to a teenage girl and not a 33 year old woman just by the way she texts and responds to me. I don't mean that in a "cute" way either, there are times when I seriously wonder why she feels like it's necessary to act like a teenager to try to get what she wants.

I use to have a lot of doubts in myself about being able to handle a LDR and being able to cope with not being able to see my SO except for on rare occasions until I could accomplish what I needed to accomplish to move back. But now, I honestly wonder if she's going to be able to be patient with me and give me time to get through school and establish myself in my career. I love her so much and I don't want to let her go, but I feel like her insecurities and her slight selfishness are going to end up getting the better of her and I honestly feel like she very well may push me away and end our relationship because I didn't accomplish things quick enough for her liking or she didn't want to wait for me anymore.

I don't know how to make her happy anymore and I don't know what to say or do to reassure her that I'm busting my tail so I can move back to be with her ='(

**BigMatt93** · November 3, 2013, 10:34 PM

FML.... I just got to spend the last 40 minutes bending over backwards begging for forgiveness. I have NO IDEA what I did WRONG. As soon as I called my SO she snapped on me with an attitude. I tried to get her to talk to me and open up. Anybody want to guess where that lead me? That's right!! It lead me to a bunch of "Nothing's wrong baby..." and I got to repeat this process for an entire 40 minutes. I don't know what I did wrong and I explained to her that if I did something wrong, She needed to tell me because if I did do something, I honestly don't know what I did. Well she chose to keep giving me the silent treatment. I tried like hell to get her to talk to me, Just in a general sense and for the next while I stayed entirely away from asking her what was bothering her. Again she was being much quieter than she usually is, Which is unbelievable considering she hardly talks to me on the phone anyway when I call her. But this time it was literally a one sided conversation. I eventually got her to come around, but she was still denying anything was wrong. I let it go and we went on with the conversation because I wanted to try to keep the conversation going down a positive road so it didn't continue on like it started. Things were okay I guess, Although she was still pretty much giving me the silent treatment. A short while later I ran out of things to talk about and was just babbling about stupid crap and asking her the same questions I asked her earlier in the night before I eventually just gave up and sat there in silence waiting for her to talk to me or say something. Well she had said something and it wasn't anything serious or anything significant, but I cracked a joke about her sleeping habits since that was the subject we somehow got onto and once I cracked the joke she got pissed off and chose to give me the silent treatment for the last 20 minutes of our conversation before she fell asleep, which I spent pretty much bending over backwards again trying to apologize to her. I love her but I seriously DO NOT know how to make her happy ANYMORE. Nothing I say, do, or promise seems to be good enough for her and everything in this relationship has become solely my responsibility and my problem that I have to figure out. As you can tell in the beginning of this paragraph, No matter what I do or say she WILL NOT open up to me most of the time no matter what I do to try to reassure her that everything will be okay and that just like she always badgers me about sharing my feelings with her, That it was OKAY for her to be emotional and cry if she needed to, so she could get whatever she needed to get off of her chest so she felt better.

I am seriously running out of steam and at this point in time, I'm running on exhaustion and fumes. I just don't know what it's going to take to make her happy anymore. I think I've lost my job and I've still got another 5.5 months or so before I'm done with school. It's not like once I finish school anything is going to get solved because when I finish school I'll be working 5, if not 6 days a week and I'll be the first one who if he isn't requested for mandatory double or triple shifts, I'll be the first one to request it so I can start establishing myself in my career and working as much as possible. As far as I'm concerned, My hands are tied for the next several years and I honestly just don't know what to say or do for her at this point. I feel like she just expects everything of me and she always tells me she loves me, but at the end of the day I don't feel like I'm anything more than somebody who calls her and has a one sided conversation with himself most of the time because she puts the conversation responsibilities solely on my shoulders and my shoulders alone because she says it's my "job" to do ALL of the TALKING and that I need to be the one talking to her. At the end of the day I'm starting to feel like I'm nothing more than the guy who calls her and talks to her about the same stupid shit EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. Just because she's got it in her mind that she can't sleep without having me on the phone with her.

I honestly have NO. FUCKING. CLUE. what she wants from me anymore. On top of that her attitude and her unrealistic expectations are really starting to overwhelm me. As much as I hate to say this, I kind of feel like she's drifting away from me and things like her bitchy attitude and her expectations are starting to drive me away from her. She's made it crystal clear in the past several weeks that she's obviously tired of waiting for me to come to her and believe me due to my schedule and where I'm at in my life, the wait is really just beginning... Which is something I have absolutely no control over right now due to my school schedule for the next 6.5 - 7 months until I graduate next year, because all I ever hear is "You're not going to come visit me...

" and "Well... Since your NOT going to come visit me anytime soon I guess I'm just going to have to be the one who constantly fly's and visits you..." and my favorite one that hurts me the MOST "You're not going to move back here just because your parent's don't want to come back. Besides even if you do move back I'll be old, grey, and wrinkly by the time you get here."

Again, My final point I want to make... I know I've made it a few times already.. But seriously... Why the fuck is she so concerned about what my parent's think and feel about the situation and what the hell do they have to do with any of this?! I'm a grown man! I'm quite capable of making my own decisions and I'm capable of taking care of myself.

I've said it a couple times in my past couple posts here recently. I'm doing the BEST that I can and I'm doing EVERYTHING that I can... What more does she want from me? I'm doing everything I can think of to do and it doesn't seem to be good enough for her anymore.

Announcement

I'm not superman and I don't always have all the right answers :(

I'm not superman and I don't always have all the right answers :(

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