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    #1

    Your biggest challenge ?

    Hi !


    My girlfriend and I have been in a LDR more than a year now. Everything has been perfect since we fixed our biggest issue : communication. Thankfully, we figured it out before it affected negatively our relationship. A friend of mine stationed with me here in Northern Ontario, has jealousy issues with his girlfriend.

    I'd be curious to know what is or was your biggest problem in your LDR ( aside from the distance obviously ). What lesson did you learn ?

    Anything you wish you would have known from the get go OR anything you think you should have done differently ?

    I'm looking forward to hear from your experiences !!!

    Bill
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    #2
    Mine is that it's just not feasible for us to do anything about the distance for the foreseeable future. I've learned over the last 4.5 years that I'd rather have him 4200+ miles away from me, than not at all, so I appreciate what I have. We're a little bit older, so things like marriage and kids aren't a factor, so we visit whenever we can and just enjoy the relationship we have now. People are sometimes a bit surprised at our somewhat unconventional nature in approaching the issue, but it works for us

    I wish I realized from the beginning that closing the distance would be impossible for a long time, it would have caused me a lot less stress! But, there isn't anything I'd have done differently.
    Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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      #3
      I think our biggest challenge is his job. Being in the army he can't take leave for very long periods of time and I can't stay when he's working. He is stationed in the middle of nowhere and I have no idea if there's a hotel nearby nor what I would do all day, so visits are always very short (usually just 2 days).
      And, same as Moon, we won't be closing the distance in the foreseeable future either...again, due to his work. It just sucks and it makes me so sad sometimes. I can deal with the distance, but I think knowing we are closing it anytime soon would make it even easier. I don't know.
      Luckily jealousy isn't an issue, which is strange, considering I usually have crazy trust issues but with him I'm so at ease.
      I couldn't wish for anything better

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        #4
        Jealousy and insecurity on my part--it's triggered many fights already. But, I'm trying to be a lot better about it and things have been going well

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          #5
          The time difference, I'd say. I live in California and he lives in the Netherlands - 9 hours. By 13:00, he's going to bed. While I'm asleep, he's up and ready. This means that we only have between 7:00 - 12:00 to talk, and I have school during that time. :/

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            #6
            We have several challenges.

            1. Our schedules. While we may live in the same state, though we are still 7 hours apart, we are both in very time-consuming and difficult school programs. He is double majoring in computer science and network administration; this semester he is taking 18 credits and is working 2 jobs. I am in a very difficult graduate program. I am in ultrasound school 3 days a week and am in the hospital doing a clinical rotation 2 days a week. Then, I got a job, so I will be working about 12 hours every weekend. So yeah, between our schedules, we only really get to talk like once a week.

            2. Communication. We've been dealing with figuring out how much works for us since we began our relationship. Sometimes, we are totally on our game and things are perfectly great. Other times, our schedules get wacky and we have to adjust to that. It's not easy, but we make it work. We just cherish the time we do have together and we know that the distance will only be temporary. ^-^

            3. ME. I am by far my own worst enemy. I constantly overthink things and I tend to be insecure, which can make me worry too much about my relationship. He is the opposite and can keep me grounded when I get worked up and scared. I wish I could just be as level-headed as him. I have depression and anxiety so that has played a role in my insecurities. I worry he'll find someone better than me, even though he promised me forever on many separate occasions. When we are CD, things are always fine and I don't worry.

            "Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches."

            Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you.

            Comment

              #7
              Our current commitments. I'm half way through my degree and going to uni is on my GF's mind.

              We also have visa constraints that affect both sides in different ways.

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                #8
                Originally posted by loveknowsnodistance27 View Post


                3. ME. I am by far my own worst enemy. I constantly overthink things and I tend to be insecure, which can make me worry too much about my relationship. He is the opposite and can keep me grounded when I get worked up and scared. I wish I could just be as level-headed as him. I have depression and anxiety so that has played a role in my insecurities. I worry he'll find someone better than me, even though he promised me forever on many separate occasions. When we are CD, things are always fine and I don't worry.

                ^This. Is me too. Haha

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                  #9
                  My family and the visa issue.
                  It took us many, many conversations with my parents for them to understand that he is a genuine person and loves me. My siblings STILL don't really acknowledge our relationship and I know it weighs heavy on his heart, since his family treats me with great respect and love. I suppose we'll get over this some day.

                  And of course the visa issue, since we're an international couple. Working through the visa forms and collecting proof is tough, but I know it'll be worth it in the end.

                  Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                  First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                  Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                  Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                  Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                  Married: 1/24/2015
                  Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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                    #10
                    Communication on both of our parts. We're very different, but also a lot alike. There was a time when we could not have a single civil conversation without it turning into a debate or argument on who's right vs who's wrong. Granted, this issue really only exists long distance. In person, we can argue in a friendly manner and it usually turns into laughing or poking fun at each other. Through text it's easy to misconstrue things and we're already so frustrated because of the distance, it's basically all of the ingredients for an atomic bomb.

                    We've gotten a lot better at it though, enough to say that I believe we've pretty much overcome that obstacle all together save for the rare times when we're both just in a funky mood.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by RachelAnne View Post
                      ^This. Is me too. Haha
                      Haha I feel a little less crazy. xD

                      "Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches."

                      Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        At the very beginning it was challenging for the both of us to be ourselves due to being mistreated in past relationships. Now it's not really a problem.

                        I suppose visas, when the time comes, will be really challenging. Otherwise.. I think we're maneuvering this relationship quite well, thankfully.
                        So, here you are
                        too foreign for home
                        too foreign for here.
                        Never enough for both.
                        Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Diaspora Blues

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                          #13
                          I think our biggest challenge is becoming comfortable with how much of our time is spent talking. During the week, we text throughout the day, and typically have about an hour to talk before he goes to work, and maybe 20 mins or so afterwards. Some days it is less, some days it is more. Usually we have a lot of time on the weekends, which I am very thankful for and lucky to have. Throughout the week is just difficult for us, because when we're texting sometimes it takes him FOREVER to reply, which I will be the first to admit that it bothers me, but I know it's just something I have to deal with. However, I am pretty fortunate to be able to talk to him as often as I do, also I guess I'm pretty fortunate that our biggest challenge is him not answering my texts! Ahah. :P

                          I used to be very jealous, insecure, etc, but the past couple weeks I have calmed down and I don't even worry anymore, which is a BIG accomplishment for me. Our relationship is growing stronger and stronger, and I love it.
                          started dating: 12/08/12
                          "i love you": 04/12/13
                          el paso: 07/24/13 - 08/05/13
                          montreal: 12/13/13 - 01/03/14
                          el paso: 01/05/14 - 01/19/14
                          montreal: 05/30/14 - 07/27/14
                          el paso: 07/27/14 - 08/18/14
                          el paso: 12/27/14 - 01/16/15
                          el paso: 06/02/15 - 08/17/15
                          san antonio: 02/04/16 - 02/08/16
                          san antonio/el paso: 06/03/16 - 06/21/16

                          Comment

                            #14
                            For us, our biggest struggle is simply missing each other. We tell each other every day how we wish we could hug each other, and how amazing it would be when we do for the first time. (We haven't met yet)

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Originally posted by mellif View Post
                              For us, our biggest struggle is simply missing each other. We tell each other every day how we wish we could hug each other, and how amazing it would be when we do for the first time. (We haven't met yet)
                              The first time I met my SO, it was incredible. I still remember it quite well.
                              One of the happiest days of our lives <3 that first hug and kiss was amazing. When do you think you're going to meet your SO?



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