how far is long distance?

[Tooki]

I always thought that if you really had to define LD, it was when you couldn't go and visit your SO whenever you pleased.

I don't even know how people can quantify an LDR with an arbitrary distance or timeline. Quite frankly, judging a person's relationship over something like that is counterproductive. How often a person visits isn't any better really, it's irrelevant to what is the topic at hand. If anybody wants to call my current situation 'not LDR' as well can get stuffed, it's a lot easier in some regards but it's nothing like CD at all.

[Dziubka]

As far as I'm concerned, my definition of a LDR is not being close enough to spontaneously go out for pizza in the evening on a work day.

I say this, and I see my SO twice/three times a year.

I think that's a good "definition", if you need one.

Obviously an intercontinental LDR with time difference and visa problems and whatnot brings different problems and challenges than two people living in the same country 2hrs apart, but that doesn't mean one isn't long distance.

We should remember that we're here to support each other, not to compare who has it worse.

[differentcountries]

An hour is not long distance. It takes me an hour just to drive to the other side of town... I guess most people who live in the same city also have best time on the weekends unless they are practically living together. If you live two hours away I guess it depends on the commuting possabilities. I don't think there is a definete line between LDR and not, though. Also depends if you have the possability to close the distance soon.

[LadyDaemon]

An hour is not long distance. It takes me an hour just to drive to the other side of town... I guess most people who live in the same city also have best time on the weekends unless they are practically living together. If you live two hours away I guess it depends on the commuting possabilities. I don't think there is a definete line between LDR and not, though. Also depends if you have the possability to close the distance soon.

Yes,YOU can drive to the other side of town in an hour. There are those who are only an hour and do not have the capability to do so be it because of age,no access to vehicle or public transportation so they don't see each other but maybe every couple of months.

Also,not trying to start crap,I'm just genuinely curious here,you say you don't think there's a definite line between LDR and not,yet you stated that you believe an hour is indeed not long distance. I'd like to know what brought you to this?

[Rugger]

I'm going to agree with Miss Butterfly. LDR isn't a distance. It depends on so many other factors. My SO and I started 6 hours from each other, but we were in the same state and saw each other once a month. If you see yourself as LDR, you are LDR because only YOU and YOU alone know your circumstances.

[conejita_hada]

As far as I'm concerned, my definition of a LDR is not being close enough to spontaneously go out for pizza in the evening on a work day.

I'd say this is a good "definition" if there has to be a definition. I'm currently in a different country than my SO and it's hard, or first 3 moth apart stint will almost be over and our visit will be a week and a half. Before this, I lived in the next town from him in his country and it was an hour bus ride between us, neither had a car and he's busy during the week (Monday-Saturday) between studying and work, both full-time. We saw each other most weekends but it still hurt not getting to call him up to go on a walk or have dinner together whenever we pleased. In someways a closer distances is worse and in some ways it's better. It's still difficult when money and time must factor into every single trip and sometimes prevent it from happening.

[80anthea]

I don't think there is a set distance which makes a relationship long distance, it's like saying how long is a piece of string. My first serious boyfriend lived an hour away from me by train and we only saw each other at the weekends due to University, at the time I personally didn't feel like I was in a LDR but that feeling was mine as a personal one, someone else in the same situation may feel like that is long distance; neither of is is right or wrong.

[differentcountries]

Yes,YOU can drive to the other side of town in an hour. There are those who are only an hour and do not have the capability to do so be it because of age,no access to vehicle or public transportation so they don't see each other but maybe every couple of months.

Also,not trying to start crap,I'm just genuinely curious here,you say you don't think there's a definite line between LDR and not,yet you stated that you believe an hour is indeed not long distance. I'd like to know what brought you to this?

Actually, I could not since I don't have a driver's licence (or car). But I could take the bus, or taxi parts of the way even. If I was dating someone who lived close to where my family's cottage is 45 min by car/bus away, I could perhaps stretch it to day that it was semi-long-distance. If perhaps that person lived on an island instead of the mainland. I mean the public transportation is far from perfect here, but a lot of people commute into the city, so it has to be half-decent. On the other hand, I have a friend who recently moved in the other direction, also 1 hour away from the city. She goes to the city to shop once a week (she has a car), but the publ. transportation is worse in that direction and she says most people who live there are not used to going to town at all. She even got offended because they did not even know some local custum we have here, that is how much they know or care about our town (or city; we are the 2nd largest in Norway). I probably would say it was long distance if I got together with her neightbour and he/I did not have a car. I don't know if the elderly or sick are having long distance relationships, but if you are retired or on a sick leave you might have more time to travel than if you are well and working, it depends.

The capital is about 1 hour away by plane (and so are most other cities in southern Norway), but then you have to go to the airport, and check in and all so really it would be more like 2 hours +. A friend of mine who lives in the capital had her then boyfriend, now husband, study in my city for a year to take the master's he preffered. I would not REALLY say that they had a long distance relationship, because it was definetely short term, he had no real life here at all and stayed with her every Friday evening through Sunday, every single week (which is more time they usually spend together now that they are married and living togheter with their son, because they both work a lot). I remember he did not even bother to learn where anything was in my city, so when my friend came over to see her boyfriend + me, I still had to be their guide!

[dglynn77]

I don't like this topic because I feel it tends to ostracize people and their relationships, when the whole point of this site is to HELP people who are in LDRs, not demean them because they don't meet a personal standard. That is extremely small minded, in my opinion.

That said, my SO and I are CD. He lives 45-60 minutes away from me, and after being a 14+ hour plane ride apart while I was in China, we fight to see each other as much as possible, some weeks we see each other 5 days of the week. This makes me classify us as CD, as we won't be living together until we are married. We are both blessed to have cars, jobs, an schedules where we can at least see each other for an hour almost every day. We are still in the LD panic mode of "I have to see you as much as possible!" BUT I would consider the same distance between us to be LD for another couple who didn't have the same situation that we do.

[dglynn77]

If you see yourself as LDR, you are LDR because only YOU and YOU alone know your circumstances.

This. Just saw it.

[mellif]

I have to agree with Rugger and the others that LDR depends on your sitation that only you can judge. It doesn't really matter what other people judge your relationship as, because if the stress and pain of an LDR is still there, then it's an LDR. What can you do?

It still hurts when my friends complain to me about only seeing their SO once or twice a week, but I try not to hold it against them. I try to listen and understand, because, in the end, the pain of missing your loved one's presence is the same for all of us.

[Deleted]

I second you, mellif. No matter how often we spend time with our SO's, we can all associate with the same feelings.

Labels are something that you create for yourself, and it shouldn't be up to others to judge.

[Elizabeth123]

Hmm..good topic. I'm new to LDR, new to board and he's my first bf.
No one can judge another person's definition of distance.
If you think it's LD than it is...I agree with the other thoughts on this.

[nic&matt]

Long distance to me isn't about hours. It's about not having your SO by your side.

You could be an hour away or fifteen, by plane or car, between states or continents. People can miss their SO's no matter what the physical distance is. The beauty of this site is that we all understand. We all wish we could eat dinner with them, we all wish we could watch a movie with them at any given time, we all wish we saw them more in person than over Skype.

So I say screw distance. Any long distance is too long!!!