is it true that a relationship is not healthy if you dont fight ?

[Yaaamiii]

You haven't been together that long. My ex and I were always like "wow! We never fight!" for probably the first two years of our relationship. Then they started and boy were they intense.

I can pretty much guarantee you'll "fight" at some point. It can be healthy or unhealthy. All depends on how you handle it.

I was going to say the same thing. You're probably still in the honeymoon stage. The fights will come eventually. It's healthy because you figure out how the other person fights and how to handle the situation. I agree, its all on how you handle it.

[bethyylovee]

Stephen and I didn't have our first fight until the day of our one year anniversary (not going into detail.) And we've had our fights since then. EVERY couple will fight and have differences, but it's how you work them out that makes all of the difference. We learned REALLY fast that we were much better off talking things through than actually "fighting," and now we don't fight ever at all. However we will fight again, and it won't be the last time. That's just how relationships work! Also, something GOOD about fights is that we always become stronger after the fight. We've never had a fight that has damaged our relationship.

[alizee]

We never fight! And I am so glad this is how our relationship goes now - peaceful and in harmony!!! I also hate fights and I just wouldn*t like to have one with my boyfriend, but I think, at some point, they can not be avoided (small fights, and the 2 persons involved must be understanding), but fights can make the relationship stronger.

[aniay]

I'd say fighting as in 'yelling and venting frustration' is bad. Disagreements and arguments are good and needed. But it's tnly generalizing and not always true.

All in all it depends on the characters, relationship issue and many other things.

Me and my SO din't fight but every now and again I end up getting frustrated and getting wind up. That's how I am. Most of the time he is able to calm me down and we are back to arguing.

Enjoy the fact you are not fighting, that's great and is more than healthy in my opinion as long as you are comunicating and solving your disagreements/problems it's okay. But don't expect the calm to last forever, it might it might not.

[squeeker]

Like everyone else basically said, it's the way that 'fighting' or disagreeing can help make a couple stronger that's good and that it's a way to express your feelings.. and that you shouldn't bottle up a feeling just to avoid disagreement or a fight.

Similar to other people, my SO and I don't really "fight". We have different ways of expressing ourselves during a disagreement and different things that bother us, usually it's the accumulation of things and then something snaps and we aren't typically mad at each other but by things around us and end up taking it out on the other person. As long as you can work things out, disagreements are healthy because not 'fighting' about it can cause resentment later because then you feel like you can't express yourself or are holding yourself back and that's not good or natural.

[Alsfia]

For me, fighting is when two people disagree and at some point feel hurt during this disagreement. W didn't really fight until after a year or so but we still didn't really get started before I spent the summer at his place. Even if it made us miserable during the actual fight, there was a lot of relief and sense of security after them since we didn't really want fights over Skype and it feels so stupid to spend that precious week or two fighting about something you can't change or have any influence at while you're gone. The fact that we had time to fight and realise that we can handle fighting was for me like taking a huge leap forward in the relationship and made it easier to be confident of us at all time. I don't think we have ever screamed at each other though, even if I usually would shout in a fight if I'm upset. That is because really early on in the relationship he said he can't take shouting and screaming during fights and I promised to do my best to avoid it whenever we do fight, and so far I've succeeded
Oh what a ramble Point is, I agree with the others that resolving the fight is good but that the knowledge that you can handle fighting is also an important part of what you learn from it

[80anthea]

It really depends on how you define 'fight'. My SO and I are still very much in the early stages of the relationship but we argue, but it's more like debating, we challenge each others views as we both like to think about things and have discussions, in fact we've both said how we much we'd hate it if we agreed on everything. Politically and philosophically we are both similar so the debates are never fierce and never personal. When it comes to aspects of the relationship nothing major has come up yet that we disagree on, we're both fairly laid back in terms of expectations regarding phonecalls, e-mails etc and we talk about anything as it comes up so nothing has escalated to an argument yet. I do however expect it to at some point in the future as any two people in any sort of relationship spending a lot of time together will have conflict.

When I was married, in a last ditch effort to save the marriage despite all the abuse we attended marriage counselling. It became quite apparent through that my ex and I were awful at dealing with anything. A large part of that was his controlling abusive nature but some of it was my reluctance to communicate. Communication really is the key and not bottling trivial things up to bring up in a later more escalated argument.

[Rugger]

My SO and I didn't have a fight ( ie raised voices) until we had been datin three years. We've had plenty of disagreements and argments but we know how to talk to each other and work through it.

People fight. As long as it's not all the time, it's fine

[Zapookie]

We had maybe one or two actual fights within the year that we were CD. They were mostly instigated by me. lol. I had this issue where if something was bothering me, but we're around other people, i won't take him to the side to talk about it. I will sit there and brood until he can feel the heat radiating from me and ask me whats wrong. Then i'll flip out and we'll both get upset. I've become a lot better at talking about things, so this doesn't happen anymore, thank goodness.

Nowadays if there's something either of us has a problem with, we'll talk it out. It's usually me who has the issue, as my SO is a lot more easy going about things than I am.

[Mims27]

If by fighting you mean yelling and screaming then no. We've never fought like that. When something is really bugging us or if something was said or done that the other didn't like, we will talk about it until it's resolved. I grew up with people who didn't talk and kept eveything bottled up until it blew up. I refuse to be like that, so we talk.

[Ahava]

My SO is really laid back and easy to get on with. I think it's near enough impossible to fight with him
Neither of us take things that serious. To this day he just hasn't given me a real reason to get upset about.
Ofcourse there have been a few tiny bumps on the road, mainly on my side. I find it hard to talk face to face, so am better at expressing myself by writing. So far that has worked with us.
We have had some disagreements where I have gotten annoyed with him (and the subjects have been really stupid like can you have a company christmas party in November) and showed him the middle finger over Skype, but half humourously.
I have a feeling if something serious were to come up, both of us would react in the way that we go quiet and not talk to each other for a while. And then solve the problem through writing, because I know I am unable to communicate face to face, am learning though.

[snow]

If by fighting you mean yelling and screaming then no. We've never fought like that. When something is really bugging us or if something was said or done that the other didn't like, we will talk about it until it's resolved. I grew up with people who didn't talk and kept eveything bottled up until it blew up. I refuse to be like that, so we talk.

Our relationship is like this aswell and it works pretty well! I also grew up keeping everything to myself.

In my past relationship we never fought, we never disagreed or even talked about things that bothered us, needless to say it didn't work out :P

[Fretboard_Magic]

If you don't fight, and work fine as a couple, then I think that's as healthy as any other healthy couple in my opinion. What makes a relationship healthy is communication, appreciation for each other, emotional comfort to be your true self when you're with your partner, as far as I'm concerned. Not fights, or the lack thereof. If you're in a relationship where there's a lot of appreciation for each other, where you're comfortable being who/what you truly are in front of your partner, and where you communicate well, then an occasional fight here and there may be healthy enough, I suppose.

My girlfriend and I have known each other for almost 8 months, and have been in a relationship for a little over 6. We haven't had any fight so far. Sometimes we might go a little bit "out-of-sync" in terms of how we navigate through this relationship as a team, but we communicate a lot and we work things out before they turn into big problems. Otherwise, we're pretty much in-sync with each other which is amazing. In all of my past relationships, there were fights. Some of them nastier than others mainly due to my temper problem(which no longer seems to be an issue possibly because I'm getting old and over the hill, LOL) in the past. But my current relationship is different. This is the first relationship where I don't feel the need to fight. I think this is what being highly compatible may mean. If/when we experience an "out-of-sync" moment, we talk about it and work it out. It's worked great for us so far.

[Neide]

Well fighting can be unhealthy aslong as you resolve the issues well and sensibly. I hate fighting with my SO and try to avoid it because i'm extremely stubborn and he can get very hot headed so when we do argue it's really intense and it makes it worse to have the distance because he 'virtually storms off' so it becomes difficult to smooth things over for a few hours until both of us have calmed down and our problems never get 100% resolved too. i think having a relationship with no arguments is still healthy!! i don't see why fighting would make it healthy. unless you mean it makes people stronger? then i guess it all depends.

[differentcountries]

ya we pick out little things here or there but never loud i guess its just the way we both are ?

Well yes I used a fight a lot with my ex. My ex was never agressive with anyone BUT me/family so things built up every now and then, like issues or just feelings. I never started our fights. I have an agressive side too, but I am more "cold angry", like refusing to speak my mind... Now I am more into the "kind" type, as maybe you both are; the helpful person that is polite and will speak calmingly when the other person is even mildly agressive (I noticed that the two of you met doing customer service!). These days I am the one picking fights, over feelings or actual problems, what a little drama queen! But you know; sometimes good things come out of a heated argument. Playing down agression often means giving out hints or cues instead of saying it straight, which means that conversation sometimes can become cryptic. And some things are hard to bring up while still being super polite, so they can get lost unless the other person is, well, supersensitive and on the look-out for hints and cues and facial expressions. If a person feels unseen or not appreciated it can lead to resentment and hidden agression. There are lots of themes that can become "triggers" for agression and unwanted feelings. Some of them we typically know about (stuff related to childhood), some we are half aware of, some stuff comes up only long into adulthood because the triggers are hidden unless someone we know hates or loves us enough to bring it forth... I have had som triggers that have scared me, stuff that has hit me in the face. I think most people have that in them. Some people know what their triggers are and move in big circles as to never get moved by it. There are no clear answers here... Just saying that it is nice to be nice, as long as you are not too nice