Moving away from home?

[Yaaamiii]

So I just got off the phone with my SO...and I'm in need of some advice. This might be a little confusing (at least it is every time I try to explain it) so bare with me :P.

My SO and I met in person in the same city. We both were raised here and went to grade school here (different schools). After high school graduation, we both went to different colleges, and I graduated in May of this year. He is graduating next May (his program is a 5 year thing, mine was 4), and then we are marrying in June. Since graduating, I have moved back home to try to save some cash before we start our lives together.

I love the city I live in now (the city we are both from). I love living here, I love the people here. Everything I know is here. This is what I call home. He on the other hand, thinks this city is ok, but would prefer to move away for a number of reasons that I understand and accept. I'm not opposed to moving away, but just now on the phone, he brought up the question "are you moving away because of me?"

I told him that I supposed in a way, I am, because if I had never met him, or if he was 100% ok with staying here, I probably wouldn't have left. But because I know that as a couple, we have the potential to both be happier in a different city, then I wouldn't be opposed to leaving, because I want to work hard to make things work between us. Why would I want to live in a place where I know my husband wouldn't be totally happy?

On the flip side, I *think* he believes that I won't be happy if I lived anywhere else? I'm not really sure...because on the phone he suddenly shut down and got kinda sad with me and I didn't know what to do. He kinda stopped responding to my questions so communication started getting really fuzzy.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I guess any advice or suggestions on how I should handle this situation...

[temporaryuser]

so he is asking if you are willing to move away from "home" because that isnt where he wants to be?
Would you be moving because of him? I suppose yes. But it would really be for both of you. To start a new life. i see nothing wrong with this, unless you will be totally devasted moving away from the familiar.

[Yaaamiii]

No I certainly would not be devastated. I love where I live now. But I want to start a life with him where we can both be content. He isn't exactly asking me to move away with him. In fact he said we could live here if I really wanted to, but in a sense I don't want to because I know he would completely be settling and would not be truly happy here and eventually would probably resent me for it.

[Ejoriah]

It's easy to think that it's the person who is doing the moving, or who wouldn't have moved otherwise, that is hit the harder in terms of relocation. And I suppose in some ways it's true - it's emotionally very hard to leave a place you've grown attached to, where you have friends and routine. You may know that it's the best thing for you to do, but emotions are not always rational...

It's also hard for the person you're moving for, though. I bet he feels really guilty for asking you something that otherwise you wouldn't do. He loves you and so doesn't want to hurt you, and he's pretty much asking you to do something that will hurt, even though you're willing to do it.

I think you should give him a little time to get his head around that, and maybe bring it up later. Maybe something like "it felt like you got sad when I told you I am moving because of you, but I want you to know that I believe we can both be happy somewhere else."

I feel the same way currently with my boyfriend. I am moving cities after I graduate to hopefully go to grad school. He says he will go with me if I want, but I feel terrible if he moved because of me... he loves where he lives, has a beautiful apartment, loves his job... I know we would be happy somewhere else but it kills me to ask him to give up so much.