Our Webcaming Dilemma

[Freebird]

My SO and I always say, "we should cam more!" But the truth is... we hardly cam at all.

Our communication, I think, is fine. It seems like we text almost constantly during waking hours and phone each other several times a week. More recently now that we've both had more time! But turning on that webcam... well, that's a different story. And it bothers me quite a bit that we don't do it more.

Apart of me is super self conscious. I would not consider myself a socially anxious person at all. Totally fine with interacting with people in person. But for some reason getting on the webcam makes me nervous. And this problem isn't just with my SO... even with people I've known my entire life like family members. I just feel awkward on cam. Although with him, I'm extra self conscious. I guess I'm scared I'll be too goofy and dorky on cam and it will be a turn off for him- ha!

My SO seems similar, though I've not directly asked him his issue with webcaming is. Based on from what I know of him (he HATES taking photos, I have to beg him!), he is not too different from me.

But with bothers me is, I feel like we're not as close as we should be. Because we are both so reluctant to webcam, I feel like there is an obstacle in our relationship we both have not overcome and we NEED to overcome it. I'm not sure if it would actually make us closer or not. It may have little to no affect on our relationship at all... but the reluctance bothers me. Why is it so hard for us to webcam? Why are we so uncomfortable with it?

Would love any stories, input, or advice anyone has on this! Thank you!

[Deleted]

Every couple has something that works best for them. My SO and I never video call, but that's mainly because of our schedules. We get along pretty well, though.

I'm facing a similar problem to yours. :/ How much have you tried camming before?

[Freebird]

Thanks for the reply!

Every couple has something that works best for them. My SO and I never video call, but that's mainly because of our schedules. We get along pretty well, though.

I'm facing a similar problem to yours. :/ How much have you tried camming before?

True! Not everyone's relationship will be the same.

Honestly, probably only 4 times in the 4 months we've been in our relationship. 4 times... in comparison to the countless phone calls and thousands upon thousands of texts. Hmm!

[Deleted]

Hey, it's no problem!

Hmm...webcam can seem a lot more intimidating than interacting in person. I don't know what it is about it, but I know what you mean!

If you're scared of making a fool out of yourself, don't be! Just relax, and even if you do: your SO should love you for who you are. Be dorky and proud

[liquidlove]

I prefer doing Skype with my SO over anything else. It was a bit weird at first, but the more times we did it, the less weird it was! So if you two can get over that initial weirdness.. you both might prefer it better! Just give it a try

[anchel1231]

I think this is not a big problem. We can call it hesitation. This can be removed if you try. IF you both try to more video chat than the can make your relation more sweet. You say you just scared but scare is not the proper word you can replace with hesitation. So i will suggest you to cam more. By doing this you have two benefit. Fist is this will remove your hesitation and second is this make your relationship more sweet..

[Safihre]

I prefer doing Skype with my SO over anything else. It was a bit weird at first, but the more times we did it, the less weird it was! So if you two can get over that initial weirdness.. you both might prefer it better! Just give it a try

Exactly!

Although it might me different if you met for real, I can imagine it's weird when you've only seen pictures or cam.
Bur seriously: just do it, get it (=the initial weirdness) over with! Hearing AND seeing is so crucial (I think) to getting something resembling a real relationship...
I can tell you it sucks even more when you've been with your SO for real for a longer time and then have to go back to webcamming, it is far worse!

[ethelynn]

I agree with the others. When we first started, I felt awkward and shy. I was really self conscious about everything I did. It took me even a while to do "kisses". After a while, I just got used to it and now I hardly even notice it anymore. Just a natural part of the call. We do videocalls every chance we get.

[mellif]

Do what is comfortable for you and your SO. If it feels too uncomfortable for you, don't pressure yourself to rush into anything. If you feel that you and your SO are communicating yourselves just fine as it is, I wouldn't be too concerned about video calling.

However, if you feel like you two need to take this next step, my suggestion is to talk to him about it more directly. Ask him if he wants to seriously try video calling more. If he is up for it, don't just say "we should video call more". Create a solid date and time, and go through with it. If he's still onboard with the plan, do it a few more times (don't wait too long before the next video call, try to keep them relatively close together time-wise, like a week or so apart at most). This will get the "initial weirdness" stage, as others have mentioned, over with more efficiently for you guys.

In my personal experience, it didn't feel totally natural webcamming my SO until after the first 10-15 video calls. Sometimes I feel a bit self conscious, but then I just check my self-display cam and fix myself a bit. Then it's all better and I can comfortably resume talking.

[Black_Halloween]

In the two years we were LD we probably cammed about....4 times? I hate it when people watch me, it makes me feel weird xD! We shared photos, texts, calls..no video but it worked for us.

[Freebird]

Thanks for the responses guys! I agree with what most here have said... I think it may just be a matter of getting over the uncomfortable, awkward stage of webcamming. Like many other things in life, the more we do it, the more "normal" and not-so-awkward it will hopefully become. I'll definitely talk to him about it.

In the two years we were LD we probably cammed about....4 times? I hate it when people watch me, it makes me feel weird xD! We shared photos, texts, calls..no video but it worked for us.

Glad I'm not the only one!

[squeeker]

I find it kind of different that you are an international couple that use phone and texts more than webcamming. Do you have a really good plan or something? Because webcamming is free. :P

I know I was very hesitant before my boyfriend and I videocalled the first time. In the beginning I would also quickly run to the bathroom to brush my hair and make myself look a bit more presentable for him if he asked me to video call! lol And for awhile we just did video(EDIT: i meant voice call, I was rereading this, just in case anyone was confused, the voice calls helped me to ease into video chat) call to help me get over the nerves of seeing each other on webcam.

It took awhile but after over 3 years of videocalling we turn on video call each time we are online and have it running, even if we are doing other things. It's as close to being in person as you can get without actually being in person. So I really hope you can get over the hump of awkwardness. 4 video calls is not a long time, but in 4 months, I'm not surprised, so just keep on trying to video call.. and do things while you are on video call at first like watch a youtube video at the same time or something because that can ease the awkwardness and also it's just nice.

Good luck!

[Lucky]

I have always been camera shy, if you plan to meet soon I would say it's ok to keep it up like this if you are both comfortable, perhaps taking pictures more often with your phone or webcam will help you ease into it.

If you are serious about this you will eventually get there, after we met in person we would talk twice a day, one of those calls would be a video call when connection allowed, sometimes the connection was so bad we would just give up on it but those 5mins were cherished. As our relationship got deeper I realized this was the man of my life and that if we were going to be together he will get to see me wake up every morning... not a pretty sight! so I started relaxing more and let him see me half asleep with no make up or unflattering pictures, figured if that wouldn't scare him off nothing would, and here we are married.

[Moonlit Nocturne]

Videocamming is generally awkward in the beginning, so I wouldn't worry about it too much! Just keep trying, and if you want it, you'll reach that point of comfort with each other eventually.

I know personally, when my boyfriend (we were new friends at the time) asked to Skype me the first time, I was so nervous! I kept brushing my hair and my teeth and trying to make myself look somewhat decent. It was nervewracking and so awkward! My point is, it became so much easier over time. Now, we (try to) Skype once a week, and we do it for hours. You just have to ease yourself into it, and eventually videocamming will be easy, relaxing, and enjoyable for both of you.

[Freebird]

Thanks for the replies guys! Glad I'm not the only one who finds the webcam a source of awkwardness.

I find it kind of different that you are an international couple that use phone and texts more than webcamming. Do you have a really good plan or something? Because webcamming is free. :P

Haha, oh noooooo we don't use "regular" phone and text messages. Can't afford that! Everything we do is on Skype. And with the Skype app on our phones, calls and messages become just like regular phone use.