Need advice...

[Ariel23]

My SO and I have been dating for about 2 years now. We live in different countries and have a 5 hour time difference, so she is through most of her day before I even wake up. Most of our communication is via text since we are in different countries and most days we text pretty much all day. Throughout dating, I have always had this re-occuring issue with her. Whenever I don't text her for a few hours because I'm doing something she always makes it out like I don't make her a priority. Then I get defensive because I feel I have done nothing wrong and it leads to a big fight. I am always in the wrong in her eyes no matter what the reason is. For example, I went to an outdoor sporting event with my family over the weekend. She was fully aware of where I was and what I was doing. It started snowing pretty bad like blizzard snowing, so I left my phone in my pocket so that I wouldn't ruin it by taking it out and texting while I was at the game. Well after the game I text her and she gives me this attitude like why are you talking to me now? Even after I explained why I couldn't text, she still gave me attitude and made it out like I don't make her a priority. Here's me texting her because I missed her while I was at the game and I get greeted but nothing but an attitude. It's never a "I'm glad you're back, I missed you"...I always get an attitude. The same situation happened on thanksgiving. I didn't text for a few hours because I was with my family and I get accused of not making her a priority and then feel forced to defend myself. I guess my question is how do I deal with this so that it doesn't end up in a fight? Or can it even be changed given that we've had this same issue for a while and nothing has changed? I do not want to have to defend myself everytime I spend time with my family or friends. Or something comes up and I can't text every minute.

[Dezface]

Quit defending yourself. Tell her there will be times that you can't text and that's that. Let her know you'll always let her know when you'll be out of contact for awhile so she won't worry, but when you're with friends or family you refuse to be attached to your phone. Then ignore her fits. The next time she gets huffy about it, ignore her until she calms down.

She's acting like a brat and won't change her behavior unless she's forced to. And if she doesn't change after that, then maybe you need to evaluate whether you want to continue in a relationship with someone so controlling. Because that's what this is.

[Black_Halloween]

Quit defending yourself. Tell her there will be times that you can't text and that's that. Let her know you'll always let her know when you'll be out of contact for awhile so she won't worry, but when you're with friends or family you refuse to be attached to your phone. Then ignore her fits. The next time she gets huffy about it, ignore her until she calms down.

She's acting like a brat and won't change her behavior unless she's forced to. And if she doesn't change after that, then maybe you need to evaluate whether you want to continue in a relationship with someone so controlling. Because that's what this is.

I agree with everything dez said.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Agreed.. wait for a time that isn't right after an argument. Next time you're talking normally with her (preferably on phone or skype or somewhere that you can hear each other's tone of voice) tell her you want to talk about the texting arguments. Make it clear that she's absolutely a priority and important to you, but that there are times when you won't be able to get back to her right that second, because you aren't always going to be attached to your phone. Tell her you want to enjoy time with friends and family, and give them the courtesy of not checking your phone every 2 minutes. Remind her that it would be rude if you checked your phone constantly while you're with her, and that you feel it's rude to do that to your family/friends. Let her know that you'll always give her a heads up about where you are/if you can't text, and then follow through with giving her that heads up.

[MZVIRGO82]

I agree what everyone is saying. Have a conversation with her about how immature and controlling her texts sound. Even if you guys lived in the same place, her behavior is not acceptable. If she can't understand that you have a life and obligations outside of your relationship with her, perhaps she should evaluate whether or not she is ready to be in a relationship, let alone a long distance one.

Perhaps its time for her to get a hobby. It is unhealthy to feel the need to pinpoint a person's every move.

[differentcountries]

If you have agreede to be in contact, and you suddently can't, text her: "I will not be able to be in contact for .... hours due to .... Miss you and thinking about you". Then you will have let her know a) what you are doing b) how long you will be unavailable.

If giving information such as this is not enough for her, then I agree with the above that it is time to explain to her, in a friendly manner & when you are not fighting, that you want to be in contact with her while at the same time do other things like don't ruint your phone, take care of friends and relatives, don't be rude in a social contect etc. Give her your boundries. Don't feel ashamed for not always pleasing her. Try to understand why she has this need, and also what are your needs, and talk about how you together can accomodate. Sounds like she can stretch a little to see where you are coming from.