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    #1

    Girlfriend doesn't talk to me/engage in conversation

    Ok so, for the past couple of weeks I'm noticing that my gf doesn't start conersations with me and is not very engaging when we communicate, we have been official for like 3 months now and I am always the one that has to speak to her first, whenever I see her online or on Skype I instantly jump to talk to her and see how she is going but I don't think it's the same way for her. Her ex boyfriend has kinda ruined her life and she has a lot o stuff going on as well which is making her depressed. Anyway she has time to update her tumblr and comment on stuff on her Facebook but very rarely talks to me at all. I have spoken to her about this once before but she was like I have a lot of stuff going on in my life. She also lives with 5 close friends so most of her time may be occupied by them.

    I was thinking of not communicating with her for a few days and see if she talks to me at all, if not ill speak to her about it again.

    We are very much past the point of simply liking each other and we are certain we both love each other heaps

    Has anyone experienced this sort of thing? Is it normal for the girl to wait for the guy to talk first?

    I am just abit frustrated that she isn't as eager to talk to me as I am. And how I put in so much effort to talk to her everyday, and when we are both online she doesn't talk to me

    Thi is my frost relationship btw

    Thanks all help is appreciated
    Tags: communication, ldr
    #2
    Originally posted by Spazzo246 View Post

    I was thinking of not communicating with her for a few days and see if she talks to me at all, if not ill speak to her about it again.
    Yea, cause thats mature. No one wins when you play games. Maybe she's been busy. Talk to her, you'll get a lot further that way then by asking strangers to guess whats up with her.

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by snow_girl View Post
      Yea, cause thats mature. No one wins when you play games. Maybe she's been busy. Talk to her, you'll get a lot further that way then by asking strangers to guess whats up with her.
      im certain that most of the day she isnt busy, she is normally just home everyday playing games with her friends, im gonna wait a few days and see if she talks to me, if not ill message her again asking her specifically

      Comment

        #4
        Of course it is normal for a girl to wait for a guy to take contact first...why do you even need to even ask?

        But she seems to be especially reluctant. If she has much on her plate and might even be depressed, cut her some slack. Don't play games or be sulky. Keep yourself busy, too. Don't contact her every time you feel like it. Mention to her that you love whenever she makes contact first and would appreciate if she did it again. Try to see where she is coming from. Perhaps she needs her mood lifted, perhaps she need to see that you can be dark, too. Experiment with her, be curious of how she "works".
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
          Of course it is normal for a girl to wait for a guy to take contact first...why do you even need to even ask?
          well I understand that, but you would think that if you love someone so much as she has told me, you would at least message me asking me how my day was, i mean even when i do speak to her, she never is very talkative, over the past few days the only question she has asked me is how was my day, im not sure maybe im expecting to much from her. (we have never met in person btw and we are planning to over the next few months)

          Comment

            #6
            Talk to her about it and don't contact her as much.

            I myself am not very talkative, especially not when I get home from work where I'm forced to small talk all the time. You could try watching a movie or some series together or just leave Skype on while doing something else on the side instead of feeling pressured to talk about something constantly. Communication is important and insanely important in a LDR in particular (in a different way than in a CDR even if communication while CD is important too) but it's possible she prefers quality instead of quantity. You need to discuss what you want communication wise and compromise.

            Good luck
            We part only to meet again ~ J.Gay

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by Spazzo246 View Post

              Has anyone experienced this sort of thing? Is it normal for the girl to wait for the guy to talk first?
              No, it's not normal. Some girls do it and some don't, but it definitely isn't a behavior that can be applied to everyone and called "normal." Before my SO and I got together I used to jump on his IM as soon as it popped up that he was online. Now we just talk to each other whenever we can.

              I understand that, at first, women might feel like it's the guy's job to make the first move (although I think that's changing) but it's been three months and you are in a relationship. There's no grand reason why it's your job to make the first move, but instead of playing games I would talk to her, as snow_girl mentioned.
              So, here you are
              too foreign for home
              too foreign for here.
              Never enough for both.
              Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Diaspora Blues

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                Of course it is normal for a girl to wait for a guy to take contact first...why do you even need to even ask?
                I hope that was hidden sarcasm, if not, I concur.
                I don't think it's "normal" to wait for the guy to start the conversation everytime. You start the conversation when you feel like it.
                I agree with snow_girl that playing games, like not talking to her and seeing if she notices, is not gonna help the issue at all, it is going to make it even worse. What if she doesn't contact you? It will make you feel even worse.

                You said she lives with 5 close friends and is very busy playing games with friends. Her friends could be around her the whole time and she might be shy around them when talking to you. Who knows. You will never find out if you don't ask her and you have a conversation about this.

                Also you said she is depressed, which could be why she's not really talking to you.
                When I'm depressed I hardly even talk to my man, or start talking to him and he has to talk to me first.

                Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                Married: 1/24/2015
                Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                Comment

                  #9
                  When i did speak to her about this a few weeks ago, she just said that she has heaps of stuff going on and didnt want to get me involved in any of it. i mean at times when i do talk to her her responses are very spontaneos and happy, they arent flat and dull. she just doesnt ask me anything/have any interest in my life. I still think im gonna play the waiting game for a few days and see what happens because i have a feeling that she will not talk to me at all
                  Last edited by Spazzo246; December 12, 2013, 10:26 AM.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I can relate to you completely. The best thing you can do is relax. I've noticed with my girlfriend that she has an alarm in her head, and if I start to get "clingy" as she puts it, or something like that it goes off. Just give her space, and by space I DO NOT MEAN STOP TALKING TO HER. I understand why that is with my girlfriend, past experiences/relationships can change people. Just let her know that you are there for her. I am almost always the one that initiates communication, god how I would love it if she would talk first, but she doesn't. Just let her know that you are there, and relax, you might not realize it, or might realize it and think its stupid but you might be stressing her out, just take your foot off the gas, don't jump to conclusions, and relax.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Spazzo246 View Post
                      When i did speak to her about this a few weeks ago, she just said that she has heaps of stuff going on and didnt want to get me involved in any of it. i mean at times when i do talk to her her responses are very spontaneos and happy, they arent flat and dull. she just doesnt ask me anything/have any interest in my life. I still think im gonna play the waiting game for a few days and see what happens because i have a feeling that she will not talk to me at all
                      What will you do then? If she doesn't talk to you?

                      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                      Married: 1/24/2015
                      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I know some people play the waiting game when they first meet (to get a feel for interest), but after establishing a relationship, it's just not normal to do that to your SO on purpose.. It doesn't need to be a gendered discussion, you know?

                        Anyways, you're not asking for a lot. You want your SO to show interest in your life and I think that's the bare minimum needed in a relationship. I remember going through an especially low period, after a few months of being together and having already met once. Life was heavy on the stress and low on the fun and I wanted to share the positive side of me (which I lost touch with). I appreciated his messages, but felt I had nothing to offer. If you're girlfriend is feeling low, that could explain it?

                        Let her know that her talking to you less is making you feel as if she's not interested in your life and that it hurts you. I suggest reminding her how much you love hearing her thoughts. Maybe you two could find an online game/activity to share? Also, have you two Skyped yet? A face to face conversation is more engaging than a text-based one.
                        Last edited by CanadianGirl; December 12, 2013, 10:51 AM.

                        Married: June 9th, 2015

                        Comment

                          #13
                          ill talk to her directly and ask her whats wrong and why she isnt very talkative and doesn't really ask questions. She is not depressed as much any more and is rather happy over the last week or so. idk im just annoyed that she isn't as eager to talk to me as much as I am. like everyday when I see her online I jump right away to talk to her . im not sure maybe im expecting to much from her. I have never been in a relationship before which may have an impact

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by CanadianGirl View Post
                            I know some people play the waiting game when they first meet (to get a feel for interest), but after establishing a relationship, it's just not normal to do that to your SO on purpose.. It doesn't need to be a gendered discussion, you know?

                            Anyways, you're not asking for a lot. You want your SO to show interest in your life and I think that's the bare minimum needed in a relationship. I remember going through an especially low period, after a few months of being together and having already met once. Life was heavy on the stress and low on the fun and I wanted to share the positive side of me (which I lost touch with). I appreciated his messages, but felt I had nothing to offer. If you're girlfriend is feeling low, that could explain it?

                            Let her know that her talking to you less is making you feel as if she's not interested in your life and that it hurts you. I suggest reminding her how much you love hearing her thoughts. Maybe you two could find an online game/activity to share? Also, have you two Skyped yet? A face to face conversation is more engaging than a text-based one.
                            on second thought maybe the waiting thing is a bit harsh, i might speak to her tomorrow. and yes we have skyped quite a bit, its just her friends are always hanging around and she cant pay direct attention to me and the only time we have skyped alone is just before she goes to bed and is very tired
                            Last edited by Spazzo246; December 12, 2013, 10:58 AM.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              and here I thought girls were the only ones who played these immature games, heh. You can't have a solid relationship if you don't bring up the problems and resolve them together.
                              Made it official: 12-01-10
                              First visit: 3-29-13/4-09-13
                              Closed the distance: 07-31-13

                              Comment

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