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    #1

    Any advice is helpful

    For the people who have read my last blog about breaking up because hear almost nothing from him;
    It didn't happen. I spoke to him when he was here and I asked him if he was too busy for a relationship. He promissed he'd try his best with the contact, came up with a skype- day and said he could text during work because it wasn't THAT busy (hmm, why didn't he do that before?)
    That was 2 weeks ago and nothing has changed. Still only one message per day at 9 in the evening. On skype-day he didn't have his internet topped up (its broad band) so he called instead. It got disconected after 2 minutes. At that moment I was so sick of it and texted him that I didn't want this relationship anymore. I asked him if I should send his ring, necklace and Xmas present back.
    He replied that the knew it was his fault and we didn't get to talk much but it was just bad luck with his internet. Next morning he just acted like nothing happend and texted 'good morning hun, hows your day, bla bla' (which is stange because he never texts me in the morning?)
    I ignored most of his 'hey hun' texts that week and when I did reply it was short and business-like. Haven't heard from him since friday night though.

    He's in London now with a friend. I thought it would be mean to text him if he understood what I said last week to make clear its over. But I have so many 2nd thoughts about asking that. A few times I had set my mind to breaking up today when he's back in Ireland. But then I felt so bad about the break up that I automatically thought: "I could just say nothing. its not over yet. No need to feel bad"
    I don't know what to do in general now... Should I text him like nothing happend? Should I wait until he texts? Should I just tell him its over? Do I need to tell him a fourth time he needs to change his communication skills?

    I am so lost, my feelings and thoughts are all over the place and I can't make a decision and stick to it
    I would really like some advice from you guys!
    Smile every once in a while =)
    Tags: None
    #2
    He tried to make an effort, and you blew him off. You ignored his texts that were clearly trying to be "better" at talking to you.

    If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't want to talk to you either. He made an effort, you basically said, (by ignoring him) that his effort was unacceptable. Not cool. You gave him a hard time about him not talking to you, and then you turn around and do exactly that?

    Personally, I think you should apologize and hit the "reset" button, so to speak. Unless, of course, you think you truly are too busy for this relationship, in which case, tell him that, and end it. Giving him the silent treatment, or ignoring him when he is actually trying to make an effort, really isn't going to help anything. The silent treatment never fixes anything.


    2016 Goal: Buy a house.
    Progress: Complete!

    2017 Goal: Pay off credit card debt
    Progress: Working on it.

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      #3
      No, he didnt make an effort.
      he barely spoke to me for a week after he got back home and only after I said I was done with that (for the third time!) he was suddenly able to text me in the morning.
      Dont make it sound like I am the bitch here. He is the one that kept texting like I didnt just said it was over.
      Smile every once in a while =)

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by sweetdevil View Post
        ... nothing has changed. Still only one message per day at 9 in the evening. On skype-day he didn't have his internet topped up (its broad band) so he called instead. It got disconected after 2 minutes. At that moment I was so sick of it and texted him that I didn't want this relationship anymore.
        So, to recap -
        You wanted to break up or for him to change his behavior. He promised he would, but he didn't. I think you know very well what you feel and the question really is how to stick to your decision. My advice would be to terminate all contact - text, Skype, Facebook, phone - and to accept that it is over. You need to move on and make yourself happy again and it is not going to happen in this situation.

        Comment

          #5
          He could possability do better at regular texting. Still, you seem to interprete internet dying as him not making effort. Understand you are dissapointed, but it would be better to accept it or find better connection together. Also, even when he is nice and a little too polite in apopogizing for the internet trouble that is really out of his hands for that specific night, you blow him off. If you plan on bettering him you have to see what is happening when you are impatient.

          I can see that he treats you breaking up with him via text message as something to ignore. Because you did it in the heat of the moment, as a result of what could be not entirely his foult. Plus if you are an adult, no one breakes up -and means it -by text message. Especially if you pride yourself of having good communication skills. I think it will be quite a good interpretasjon to say you were upset and did not mean a word you said, especially if you usually are reasonable.
          Last edited by differentcountries; December 16, 2013, 09:23 AM.
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by OperaDiva View Post
            So, to recap -
            You wanted to break up or for him to change his behavior. He promised he would, but he didn't. I think you know very well what you feel and the question really is how to stick to your decision. My advice would be to terminate all contact - text, Skype, Facebook, phone - and to accept that it is over. You need to move on and make yourself happy again and it is not going to happen in this situation.
            I agree with this. From what I've read about your situation, I'd say move on. He's had chances to change his behavior and he hasn't.



            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
              He could possability do better at regular texting. Still, you seem to interprete internet dying as him not making effort. Understand you are dissapointed, but it would be better to accept it or find better connection together. Also, even when he is nice and a little too polite in apopogizing for the internet trouble that is really out of his hands for that specific night, you blow him off. If you plan on bettering him you have to see what is happening when you are impatient.
              No, I see him promissing to communicate more often and then don't as not making an effort. I could live with one text per day if there would be skype next to it.
              Instead he does neither.
              Smile every once in a while =)

              Comment

                #8
                I see the point about texting but not about Skype. Even with the best of connections it sometimes dies on its own accord.
                I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                  I see the point about texting but not about Skype. Even with the best of connections it sometimes dies on its own accord.
                  He has internet like some people have pre paid phones. You buy 5 euros of internet, you use it, you need to buy another 5 for it to work again.
                  Its not like Skype stopped working, he just didn't 'buy internet'
                  Smile every once in a while =)

                  Comment

                    #10
                    What do you want him to do? Wave a magic wand and suddenly his internet will work again? It doesn't happen that way. At least he tried calling you. But, I digress, I think the relationship is too broken to fix tbh.
                    Made it official: 12-01-10
                    First visit: 3-29-13/4-09-13
                    Closed the distance: 07-31-13

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Black_Halloween View Post
                      What do you want him to do? Wave a magic wand and suddenly his internet will work again? It doesn't happen that way. At least he tried calling you. But, I digress, I think the relationship is too broken to fix tbh.
                      I am assuming you didnt read the last comment.
                      Smile every once in a while =)

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by sweetdevil View Post
                        I am assuming you didnt read the last comment.
                        Well if he only noticed when trying to skype you that he has no credit left, there is not much he can do is there?
                        Generally I still stick to my answer in your blog post...

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by Kiyama View Post
                          Well if he only noticed when trying to skype you that he has no credit left, there is not much he can do is there?
                          Generally I still stick to my answer in your blog post...
                          He knew on wednesday he had no credit left, I just assumed he'd do something about that before monday... Guess not.
                          Smile every once in a while =)

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Is money tight for him? If so, I think you need to try to be a bit more understanding.
                            Made it official: 12-01-10
                            First visit: 3-29-13/4-09-13
                            Closed the distance: 07-31-13

                            Comment

                              #15
                              He lives with his mom and gets about 180 per week from the government + his normal pay check for his job. So no, wouldnt say money is tight.
                              Smile every once in a while =)

                              Comment

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