My SO doesn't stand up for me...

[Ariel23]

This has been a reoccurring issue. My SO has this friend or work colleague who I have never met. But this friend lets just call her Susie has sent me numerous text msgs from my SO's phone. Not good msgs either these are msgs basically telling me that she likes my SO and would make a move on her and other disrespectful things. Some may even call it harassment. This has happened on numerous occasions and most recently this weekend. My SO's response is always she doesn't like Susie and doesn't think Susie likes her despite me telling her what Susie has said to me. I'm not a jealous person but my problem is that she is doing nothing to put Susie in her place and to stand up for me. Susie is being completely disrespectful to me and our relationship but my SO says nothing and does nothing about it. I'm kind of fed up with it and explained that to my SO who then turned it on me like I'm the one with the problem and it turned into a huge fight. All I did was express to her that I feel like she isn't standing up for me or doing anything to handle the situation. Not only that, I feel like we have no privacy if this Susie can just pick up my SO's phone whenever she feels like it to read convos between my SO and I and to send me msgs. Now my SO isn't speaking to me or even trying to fix the situation. I guess I'm looking for some guidance on how to handle this. I really don't feel like it's on me to fix this as I've done nothing wrong.

[Mims27]

Your SO is letting this girl use HER phone to send you rude and uncalled for messages?? What kind of partner does that and why is she even letting her use her phone? I would not tollerate that one bit. You need to tell your SO you want that to stop. I can't even wrap my head around why she would even let that happen...wow!

[Black_Halloween]

To be honest, I have a feeling that its your SO telling you these things and not this "susie". You need to break it off with this person asap because red flags are just going up everywhere.

[Mims27]

To be honest, I have a feeling that its your SO telling you these things and not this "susie". You need to break it off with this person asap because red flags are just going up everywhere.

I thought about that too but then I was like: who would be cruel enough to do something like that? Then again, she's letting "susie" use her phone to send nasty msgs, so I wouldn't be surprised if she was the one doing it...

[CanadianGirl]

You've done absolutely nothing wrong and I don't blame you for being fed up. She's outright bullying you and it's not the kind of bully you can avoid. Honestly, what I would do, is tell my SO that if it ever happens again, I'm through. Maybe some people will think it's harsh, and I'm not usually a fan of ultimatums, but this is actually ridiculous..

[Ariel23]

She apparently leaves her phone laying around. But if it were me I would at least put a lock on it! That is the simple solution but yet she hasn't done it. And this is about the 5th time I've had to deal with it and I'm sick of it. If one of my friends did that to her I would put my friend in her place and take precautions to make sure it didn't happen again. I would also question that friendship and that persons motives. This is now the 5th time and she's done nothing to address it. I get that she can't control the actions of others but she can most certainly control how she reacts and how she handles it. I agree with the red flags going up. I guess I just kinda needed someone to tell me I wasn't overreacting.

[Ariel23]

You've done absolutely nothing wrong and I don't blame you for being fed up. She's outright bullying you and it's not the kind of bully you can avoid. Honestly, what I would do, is tell my SO that if it ever happens again, I'm through. Maybe some people will think it's harsh, and I'm not usually a fan of ultimatums, but this is actually ridiculous..

I agree! If it was the first or second time I wouldn't be so harsh about it but this is the fifth time. And it's making me question everything. She claims to not be that close with this person but yet they must hang out a lot if this is the 5th time in a span of about 2 or 3 moths that this has happened. And most importantly you aren't standing up to someone that is bullying the person you supposedly love and care for. All kinds of red flags are going up for me. There really is no excuse for it after the 5th time and after I have told her repeatedly that she needs to take care of it. I don't really want to be with someone who will sit there and watch someone disrespect me and do nothing about it.

[milaya]

Your SO is letting this girl use HER phone to send you rude and uncalled for messages?? What kind of partner does that and why is she even letting her use her phone? I would not tollerate that one bit. You need to tell your SO you want that to stop. I can't even wrap my head around why she would even let that happen...wow!

Totally agree.
The fact that this girl has access to your SO's phone in the first place, especially when it used to be mean to you, is unacceptable.
And if your SO doesn't stop with letting their phone lying around, yes they need to lock it. But seriously... how hard can it be to put a phone in your pocket, especially if you plan on leaving it unattended.
Overall, this is a fishy situation and I wouldn't tolerate it, at all!
You need to put your foot down. Even though it'll end in a fight. Because it's not acceptable to you, at all.

[MZVIRGO82]

You don't find it strange that some colleague of his has had access to his phone numerous times and sent you messages? I find that very odd. What's even more interesting is that he has allowed it to happen various times. The fact he would allow "someone" to use his phone and text you disrespectful messages and then get mad at you when you tell him to do something about it would be enough for me to evaluate if it was worth continuing the relationship. Actually I would probably end it, as the others have said-too many red flags here.

[Ariel23]

You don't find it strange that some colleague of his has had access to his phone numerous times and sent you messages? I find that very odd. What's even more interesting is that he has allowed it to happen various times. The fact he would allow "someone" to use his phone and text you disrespectful messages and then get mad at you when you tell him to do something about it would be enough for me to evaluate if it was worth continuing the relationship. Actually I would probably end it, as the others have said-too many red flags here.

I do find it highly strange....especially since there is a highly simple solution to just lock your phone. Just trying to get some outside opinions on the situation. I don't think my SO is physically handing the phone to someone but I could see this person seeing it laying on a table or something picking it up and taking it upon themselves to start trouble. I don't always have my phone attached to my hip but I for sure have a lock on it so that nobody can go into it and do whatever they want with it. They obviously aren't a good person if they would even go into another persons phone to begin with just to send rude msgs to someone they don't even know. I agree with the red flags popping up and there are quite a lot of them. This isn't the first time and I've expressed how I feel about it the other times it happened. I am prepared to walk away even though it is hard I deserve better. Just needed a little reassurance before doing so. It's not a decision I take lightly.

[Dezface]

It's really not that hard to break yourself of the habit of leaving your phone around. I used to do that and then I worked in an environment where leaving my phone out=stolen phone, so I learned real quick.

I'm happy to hear you're prepared to walk away because this is seriously one of the most bizarre relationship issues I've heard. You don't deserve that treatment and she needs to know that, one way or another.

[Ariel23]

Just to give an update: I expressed how I felt and I am walking away. After expressing how I felt after waiting 4 days for her to explain what happened she then turned everything around me saying I was cheating on her bc I didn't answer her initial call when this all went down. Even after I explained to her how disrespected and hurt I felt that she would let this happened over and over again and all of the red flags that have risen as a result of this. Unreal! My feelings got disregarded and I was accused of cheating just bc I didn't answer her phone call bc I was hurt and furious.

[Dezface]

Just to give an update: I expressed how I felt and I am walking away. After expressing how I felt after waiting 4 days for her to explain what happened she then turned everything around me saying I was cheating on her bc I didn't answer her initial call when this all went down. Even after I explained to her how disrespected and hurt I felt that she would let this happened over and over again and all of the red flags that have risen as a result of this. Unreal! My feelings got disregarded and I was accused of cheating just bc I didn't answer her phone call bc I was hurt and furious.

Wow, what an awful way for her to handle the situation. I'm happy to hear you've decided to walk away, it's the right thing to do. Sorry you're going through a break up, but good for you on standing up for yourself!

[differentcountries]

The main thing here is that she is being reckless with her phone and you end up hurt by it. I know some people leave their phone laying around but usually their friends will not use them, or at least not so often. It seems that your friend (or, possably, you SO...) has an agenda. That can happen. Perhaps this person for some reason feels entitled to meddle with your relationship.

Tell her how hurt and confused this makes you feel. If you SO does not care that she is at least indirectly the cause of your pain and confusion, I would seriously consider not contiuning the relationship. Like the others have said, this is a red flag for her being reckless with your feelings.