Taking a break?
Hi all,
Well, I"m kind of a little depressed because my boyfriend and I had a serious talk the other day about our relationship. Ever since he started working his demanding job with stressful hours and doing online grad school and ever since my job picked up speed, we have been struggling (since about September).
Since September, we have had a rough patch and maybe 2 huge fights. Even though we moved on from the fights/rough patches I still always felt as though the issue was not getting resolved and I felt like we were drifting. This is really sad to me because we are honestly a fantastic couple. Anyway... this past weekend a few hours before I left, we had a conversation that actually got to the root of everything. It was a generally calm conversation. Pretty quickly he said, "well what would happen if we took like a break?" I think he wasn't expecting me to be so responsive to it, but I was. He told me how a break *could* be good, but he couldn't do the holidays without me and how he doesn't want a break and how I'm the first girl he's ever loved, etc. When I left we decided we would be together for Christmas, as planned, and then decide about the break. THe break would entail us still talking and stuff but without the added stress of "when the next time we will see each other is" ... side note, I am the one always making the trips to him since his work schedule is hectic. So hearing that hes "stressed" with guilt about how I'm always there was kind of annoying.
I FINALLY told him how my father has been pressuring me to get more of a committment from him. However, we are only 23 and 24. He still lives at home, I'm just learning how to budget. He says that he respects my father, but thought he would have understood why my boyfriend would want to be financially sound first. My father also thinks my boyfriend is not committed to me because even though I have offered to move up to him to close the distance, he says no because I will not be able to survive the high prices in NYC and he would prefer that I set myself up for my future so that down the road we are a better couple because we both did what we wanted when we were young. For example, I am thinking of studying in Spain, and he was like "if you want to go you should go. we would take a break until you got back, but go because if in 5 years we have a child, you wont be able to go to Spain."
Anyway, I'm obviously hurt and upset. I'm wondering if we just freaked ourselves out a little because this was the first time we discussed the *ACTUAL ROOT* issues: he can't give me more time, hes stressed blah
Yesterday (the day after this convo) we talked a little bit. He sent me like two texts. He went out with his brother for his brother's birthday and I didn't hear from him like I usually do on his drive home from work. I texted him saying I was going to bed and then he said he loved me and would talk to me today...
I guess I"m a) venting and b) asking if you have ever taken a break in this kind of relationship and c) if this ever works out favorably.
Thanks so much for reading all that!
Well, I"m kind of a little depressed because my boyfriend and I had a serious talk the other day about our relationship. Ever since he started working his demanding job with stressful hours and doing online grad school and ever since my job picked up speed, we have been struggling (since about September).
Since September, we have had a rough patch and maybe 2 huge fights. Even though we moved on from the fights/rough patches I still always felt as though the issue was not getting resolved and I felt like we were drifting. This is really sad to me because we are honestly a fantastic couple. Anyway... this past weekend a few hours before I left, we had a conversation that actually got to the root of everything. It was a generally calm conversation. Pretty quickly he said, "well what would happen if we took like a break?" I think he wasn't expecting me to be so responsive to it, but I was. He told me how a break *could* be good, but he couldn't do the holidays without me and how he doesn't want a break and how I'm the first girl he's ever loved, etc. When I left we decided we would be together for Christmas, as planned, and then decide about the break. THe break would entail us still talking and stuff but without the added stress of "when the next time we will see each other is" ... side note, I am the one always making the trips to him since his work schedule is hectic. So hearing that hes "stressed" with guilt about how I'm always there was kind of annoying.
I FINALLY told him how my father has been pressuring me to get more of a committment from him. However, we are only 23 and 24. He still lives at home, I'm just learning how to budget. He says that he respects my father, but thought he would have understood why my boyfriend would want to be financially sound first. My father also thinks my boyfriend is not committed to me because even though I have offered to move up to him to close the distance, he says no because I will not be able to survive the high prices in NYC and he would prefer that I set myself up for my future so that down the road we are a better couple because we both did what we wanted when we were young. For example, I am thinking of studying in Spain, and he was like "if you want to go you should go. we would take a break until you got back, but go because if in 5 years we have a child, you wont be able to go to Spain."
Anyway, I'm obviously hurt and upset. I'm wondering if we just freaked ourselves out a little because this was the first time we discussed the *ACTUAL ROOT* issues: he can't give me more time, hes stressed blah
Yesterday (the day after this convo) we talked a little bit. He sent me like two texts. He went out with his brother for his brother's birthday and I didn't hear from him like I usually do on his drive home from work. I texted him saying I was going to bed and then he said he loved me and would talk to me today...
I guess I"m a) venting and b) asking if you have ever taken a break in this kind of relationship and c) if this ever works out favorably.
Thanks so much for reading all that!
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