How to know if our SO's are serious in the relationship!?

[Hollandia]

When we are CD my SO texts me during his break time on a work day. This is really special to me, that he likes to have contact with me even when he is apart for only a workday. It is only a few sentences back and forth but he started doing that when we got serious and he started just telling me "I love you" for no reason throughout the day. He is a man of few words but the ones he uses speak volumes. There is something that makes me feel warm inside when we are LD and he pings me something like "I love you very very much", it used to make me think, is there a but coming (?), but there never is. He just means it and likes to tell me so.

I think another good sign they are serious is when they start to refer to much of their future plans with a "we" in it, even if it is just about their upcoming birthday or holiday. This tells me that they have decided they want you in their life for the forseable future.

[hopefulteapot]

Man, is it me or are some of the posts on here full of pure ignorance? I thought people were smarter than this!

Oh and FYI, that wasn't directed at the OP.

[Hollandia]

That is a pretty rude post to me. If you want to call someone out on their post, have the gonads to do it with intelligent reasons for your POA or you are the one coming off as ignorant. I can't see how I could have been one of them, but if so, so be it. I just am starting to question why this thread is turning into a debate? We are are entitled to present our POA on the subject and nobody should be inferring any of us are ignorant and name calling passive aggressively by doing so to avoid sanctions.

[Moon]

Man, is it me or are some of the posts on here full of pure ignorance? I thought people were smarter than this!

Oh and FYI, that wasn't directed at the OP.

Yes, it's you.

[Moon]

I don't know how to answer this, I guess having a ton of relationship experience, age, and being with someone for a long time, gives me a decent enough instinct about my relationship to know it's serious, without having to ask, or question it. I think when you've been together awhile, comfortability sets in, you spend at least some time together most nights, and you feel secure in the relationship, you can be pretty sure it's serious. I think it was snow_girl who, in the beginning of the thread, said something about LDR's being difficult, so why would anyone be casual? I mostly agree with that.

I also think people's expectations of "serious" can be quite different. Some people think things are serious after a month or two, or even a few weeks. I laugh at those, to be honest. It seems sometimes people just want to rush into calling themselves "serious" so quickly, yet they aren't even comfortable enough to have the conversation.

[hopefulteapot]

People need to relax and Hollandia your posts were definitely not in mind when I mentioned that. I truly apologize if it came across as rude but some of the posts on here are really upsetting to me and I thought I'd just point it out. I didn't want to call the posters out as that would certainly be worse but they've posted a lot of negative and unhelpful information. It's as if some people don't know what a real relationship is and it's just sad. But I was just giving my two cents so that's that. Again, I apologize if any took offense. When someone posts the same upsetting information, it just gets to me. I know others feel the same as they have already responded to several of those posters in disagreement but I probably should have not typed in the heat of the moment especially when I'm unfortunately going through my womanly cycle. Hope all is calm now.

[lyonsgirl]

People need to relax and Hollandia your posts were definitely not in mind when I mentioned that. I truly apologize if it came across as rude but some of the posts on here are really upsetting to me and I thought I'd just point it out. I didn't want to call the posters out as that would certainly be worse but they've posted a lot of negative and unhelpful information. It's as if some people don't know what a real relationship is and it's just sad. But I was just giving my two cents so that's that. Again, I apologize if any took offense. When someone posts the same upsetting information, it just gets to me. I know others feel the same as they have already responded to several of those posters in disagreement but I probably should have not typed in the heat of the moment especially when I'm unfortunately going through my womanly cycle. Hope all is calm now.

Maybe I missed something, but I didn't read any upsetting posts. Care to help me out?

[stormy]

Maybe I missed something, but I didn't read any upsetting posts. Care to help me out?

I was thinking the same thing...

[hopefulteapot]

Maybe I missed something, but I didn't read any upsetting posts. Care to help me out?

Apparently my little bit about ignorant posts appeared as insensitive to some when that's not at all how I intended it to be. I guess some people just took it too harshly so I felt I needed to clear it up as that was not at all my intention and I would never want to come across as rude to anyone.

[Zephii]

Apparently my little bit about ignorant posts appeared as insensitive to some when that's not at all how I intended it to be. I guess some people just took it too harshly so I felt I needed to clear it up as that was not at all my intention and I would never want to come across as rude to anyone.

That doesn't tell us what was upsetting in the first place though

[Zephii]

I have to disagree with this... I do not believe that it has to be that you have to contact people in a way that takes away from your or their work. A simple "Thinking of you" text while you know that your SO is busy can mean the world to the both of you. I know it has for me.

And that's cool if you're a) not the person who's at work b) if you don't expect a reply right away or c) on your break. But if you're at your post where you're being paid to fill a role, you ought to be doing your job. Does that make sense?

[Moon]

And that's cool if you're a) not the person who's at work b) if you don't expect a reply right away or c) on your break. But if you're at your post where you're being paid to fill a role, you ought to be doing your job. Does that make sense?

Makes sense to me, I'd be real unhappy if someone expected me to text during work hours, unless it was an emergency.

[stormy]

And that's cool if you're a) not the person who's at work b) if you don't expect a reply right away or c) on your break. But if you're at your post where you're being paid to fill a role, you ought to be doing your job. Does that make sense?

That definitely makes sense. Stressing out on someone who is at work for not answering right away would just being selfish and a bit crazy. I think it also depends on what the people do for a living, sometimes being on break is not as clear cut as other professions. Maybe that is one of the reasons why people have different opinions on this as well.

[piratemama]

I agree that texting or emailing a message to your SO during work is great, as long as you both understand immediate replies aren't possible. I can remember when working that I would always check for messages from my SO during breaks. I'd be uplifted when there was one and disappointed when there wasn't one. It's simply another way to stay connected. I guess the idea at the beginning of this debate was misunderstood. We show we can when we think of each other, all during the day. It doesn't mean that we will be interrupting the other person's work. There were days that work was awful and the message I show from my SO during my break helped to carry me through.

[melarie]

That definitely makes sense. Stressing out on someone who is at work for not answering right away would just being selfish and a bit crazy. I think it also depends on what the people do for a living, sometimes being on break is not as clear cut as other professions. Maybe that is one of the reasons why people have different opinions on this as well.

Agreed. My last job was one where I could have gotten written up just for checking my messages on the job, let alone send one. And when I was on break, I was in such a hurry to get my lunch and get back in time that I didn't have time then either - I would literally have had to skip lunch in order to take the time to get onto my email and send him something. And he would have been upset with me for feeling like I had to. It all depends on how demanding your job it, there's no right or wrong to this point.

Plus, these answers aren't clear cut, we all have different views of what means business in a relationship.

Anyway, back on topic...
Basically anything that shows he seriously cares for me, means he's serious about US.
I'm not sure what else there is to it, for me anyway. I know he loves the hell out of me, so of course he's serious about the relationship. So anything that shows his love, be it asking me if I've had anything to eat today or just looking at me a certain way - shows me he's serious about someday closing the distance.