Severely Anxious Over FB Interactions...

[Freebird]

Ugh, it's embarrassing to admit but I have to vent a little, or seek some kind of response. I don't know if my anxieties are justified or what. I need someone to slap sense into me or give me a reality check.

My SO recently added a female to FB. Normally this doesn't bother me, but she often leaves comments on his page that make me raise a brow. And sometimes she'll just post "hi" on his wall. Just thought it was weird. No one else does that on his wall.

This has been making me very anxious. To the point I stop breathing when I think about it. Because this girl lives close to my BF. Obviously, I do not. In fact I'm thousands of miles away.

I'm not sure whether to bring it up, make a joke about it and see what he says, or not mention it at all. I don't want him to think I'm suspicious or the jealous type. And he's a grown man, he doesn't have to explain everything he does to me... But it just doesn't make me feel good...

And he's not doing anything wrong otherwise. Actually he's been a complete sweetheart...

Like I said, this is embarrassing to admit but I need something to snap me out of this.

[mellif]

I kinda know how you feel-- my SO is a natural flirt when he talks with girls, and sometimes on FB he and other girls talk and joke around in comments and statuses in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I brought it up to him one day when it started really bothering me, and he agreed to tone it down. Hasn't been much of a problem since.

I wouldn't worry until he starts interacting back with her. If it seems like he's kinda ignoring her, then it's all good. She might be interested in your SO, but as long as you feel like your SO is still yours, there's nothing to worry about There will always be people that are interested, but he will stay loyal as long as you still love each other (unless ur into polygamy, different story )

[Freebird]

Thanks mellif! And no, no polygamy going on here- LOL

[Malaga]

My SO recently added a female to FB. Normally this doesn't bother me, but she often leaves comments on his page that make me raise a brow.

What kind of comments?

I get you. I have a jealous insecure streak too that I have to fight off. I'm aware it's irrational but I still get these knee-jerking reactions. My SO works in an advertising agency and has a close working relationship with his team, many of whom are attractive petite blondes - basically much closer to his 'usual type' than lets say me. One of them in particular seems to have taken to him lately, added him on all social media and often tries to engage with him online, replies to all his statuses, digs up his old FB pics to like them (incidentally only those I'm not in...) etc. Their interaction seems perfectly innocent and half of the time he doesn't even respond, but yeah, she's still on my hit list.

Unless she's actually stepping over the line in her comments or your SO gives you a reason to be suspicious, I wouldn't bother bringing it up with him. You'll just have to fight it off. Take reassurance in your relationship and work to make it stronger. It is a huge help in overcoming insecurities.

[piratemama]

Has he stated he's in a relationship on FB?

If he doesn't interact with her, I wouldn't worry either. I would mention my concern, if he starts to interact much. My SO has asked me to tell him when something bothers me.

I'm not usually jealous, but I sure have been fighting it with this LDR. The distance makes everything harder, because we aren't there to see for ourselves. Just remind yourself not to be scared unless you have a good reason. I am always talking to myself about that very thing.

[stormy]

I deal with this fairly often. My SO is a flirt and has been since I have known him, even as a friend. Actually many times he's just being friendly but people love the attention he gives them and feel the way I feel about him lol (less so, but you get what I mean...).

If he gets tagged in a picture the same girls are always liking it. Leaving "sexy" comments, emoji faces with hearts for eyes... it is honestly pretty much never ending. My SO is an attractive man with a good and kind head on his shoulders. Neither of us have that we are in a relationship on our social media profiles but now he never responds to them. No liking their comments either, he sort of pretends they are not there. Which seems like what your SO is doing. I feel as if it is like anyone else, the compliment of someone liking you and wanting your attention is nice, but there's no need to respond. Especially just out of respect for your SO.

[stormy]

I would mention my concern, if he starts to interact much. My SO has asked me to tell him when something bothers me.

I do agree with this though, and I have done it.
He thanked me for calmly being upset and talking to him rather than blowing up, causing a fight instead of a discussion... which would have just left the both of us angry.

[piratemama]

After thinking about it, I wanted to add that FB and other social media can be dangerous in any relationship, even more so in a LDR, even if nothing bad is going on. It just causes tension and doubt sometimes. It would be a good idea to discuss expectations of FB and such upfront at a time when nothing else is going on. It's best to head issues like this off before something happens. I should have taken my own advice on a few issues, but I've learned.

[itsjen516]

That would bother me to not gonna lie. Talk to him and see what he says and see what else she does other then just say hi

[stormy]

After thinking about it, I wanted to add that FB and other social media can be dangerous in any relationship, even more so in a LDR, even if nothing bad is going on. It just causes tension and doubt sometimes. It would be a good idea to discuss expectations of FB and such upfront at a time when nothing else is going on. It's best to head issues like this off before something happens. I should have taken my own advice on a few issues, but I've learned.

Again, agreed.

[Freebird]

Thanks for your replies everyone.

I couldn't help myself and made a snarky joke about it. Without even saying the girl's name, he knew who I was talking about. Our conversation didn't last long, but I do feel a little better now that I've brought it up and acknowledged it. So now he knows I have my eye on her (I say that in jest... well kinda- ha!)!

Some of her comments include, "handsome!" and "cute" in response to photos. A few times she's written "hey, how're you". When we first got in a relationship, a girl posted if he was going to go out. He didn't respond back to either of those girl's comments.

On my FB I have that I am in a relationship, but no names are listed. On his, he has no relationship status at all. I wish he would put something at least, but his reason for not is the same reason I have for not putting a name: privacy. Too many nosy friends and family!

After thinking about it, I wanted to add that FB and other social media can be dangerous in any relationship, even more so in a LDR, even if nothing bad is going on. It just causes tension and doubt sometimes.

...I must say I completely agree. I don't know what's going on. Hopefully and probably it's nothing. But the childish jealous streak in me can't help but to wonder if there are any conversations going on in the background. I don't think this is a good quality to have, but I guess I can't completely help it.

[BabyGund]

Easier said than done, but you need to be secure in him and your relationship. A few months ago that "here's a letter, describe me with a word beginning with that letter" game was going around and my SO got "O"....a very attractive woman posted "orgasmic" on the status. Now I raised an eyebrow, and I know how much a flirt my SO can be, but I was pretty sure he wasn't getting orgasmic or otherwise with her. Maybe in the past -- but the past is the past.

He actually came to me once he saw it (hours later as he was out in the field at work) and asked if he should delete it because he didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea (he has a lot of his professional acquaintances as friends on his page) Not me, specifically, because he already knew I was secure enough to not get the wrong idea.

[Freebird]

Definitely easier said than done, but you're absolutely right. If I'm always insecure and become untrusting, what kind of relationship do we have? I guess my anxiety stems from wanting everything to be perfect and the fear of being hurt. I think of what could happen, not always what IS happening, and that fear of "could" clouds my judgement and makes me nervous.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I am glad that you talked to him about it and how you feel. I have been guilty in the past of being like, "who's that chick liking his status/picture?" to myself as well. On the other hand, my SO had the same reaction especially when some guy is like, "you look pretty or beautiful in this picture." We had a conversation about social media prior to dating and we both agreed that if someone is blatantly hitting on us or asking us on dates, we will inform the other person but other than that, it's no big deal.

Also keep in mind that facebook is just facebook! I know we all get wrapped up in different social media sites but at the end of the day, we log off and have lives outside of these sites. Years ago, these sites didn't exist and there wouldn't be a way for you to know if someone was "liking" things that your SO did. I know fear and worry are things that I struggle with but if nothing is going on, you will just drive yourself crazy! Don't go with "could" or "would," go with [/B]what is[/B]!

[hopefulteapot]

Maybe he genuinely just sees her as a friend. My boyfriend adds plenty of females and asks them how they are, what they're up to, etc but it's all just friendly small talk as he's a friendly man and mentions me in convos with them anyway. I see nothing wrong with it, you may be thinking too much into it. Don't do that to yourself. I'm sure all is well! Also, a bit of random info but before we were "exclusive", I thought he was interested in this other girl. I was a bit nervous he liked her because he was in photos with her and chatted to her. It actually turned out it was his cousin, ha.

Update: I completely missed your newest post. I'm glad you at least got to mention it to him. That girl is highly inappropriate but so far, it seems your man is glued to you and just you. I don't know why he wouldn't change his relationship status. Do any of his family or friends know about you as a couple?