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**kittyo9** · January 2, 2014, 07:53 PM

Literally the only way to get through it is to get through it. The waiting sucks and the not knowing sucks more and there are days when all you want to do is cry because you're so tired and frustrated of waiting. Just love each other as best you can.

Do you have an idea of how you'll close the distance? Who will move where?

**Moon** · January 2, 2014, 08:15 PM

I think you're making a mistake in only seeing each other to close the distance. 1000 miles really isn't that far, and you can occasionally find great airline deals. I say that because what if his internet business is a failure? Most new businesses DO fail, and it's not easy to do on the internet these days, everyone is doing it and the competition is killer. In my opinion, until you get it sorted, go for visits, they are important. In an LDR, seeing each other and having that physical connection, along with dates to look forward to for visits, makes a huge difference in keeping things going, while figuring out how to close the distance for good. Meeting to close the distance is a romantic, lovely idea, but it's just not practical usually

See if you can change your perspective a little, and if you can arrange a few days together, it does a world of good for the relationship. Good luck.

**squeeker** · January 2, 2014, 08:27 PM

I agree with kitty09 that you just have to get through it, day by day, you do it because you love them. And I agree with Moon, that it would be good for you to schedule a visit before you close the distance, because you are in the same country and it shouldn't even be too difficult. Of course it is still difficult but keep it under consideration if it works with your circumstances?

I don't know exactly when I will see my boyfriend again. Though hopefully it will be summer 2015. I wish we could sooner but he's going to be busy this summer and with the price of the plane ticket and our poor finances we cannot really make it sooner. Money is the only thing keeping us apart for so long. We are both going to university to be able to have a better chance at a better job that pays better and that we enjoy at least most of the time. So with that, it gets hard sometimes to be so far away but not be able to visit, but you just keep going because you can't imagine a life without that person in it. As you said, it is an encouragement to know that someone out there loves you as much as you love them, even if you can't be together yet.

Keep skyping and talking as much as you can and keep connected, keep reminding yourself why you love them and what you love about them and why you are doing this. You might cry or break down sometimes, but just keep picking yourself up because the other person is worth it.

Stay strong and good luck!

**differentcountries** · January 3, 2014, 02:10 AM

If he lacks time /money to go, you can go see him. Then you can slowly make realistic plans for marrying and closing the distance.

**xanzbarr** · January 3, 2014, 04:00 AM

I guess I didnt mention it but I also take care of my mother who has Alzheimers and there isnt anyone to take over for me if i do leave for a few days not mention Im on a limited income at present and cannot afford the tickets either too well...but the main reason is Mom. if it was just me id find a way to go. I usually do pretty well because I guess being a bit older and having known him for so long, were not going through any of the drama i see so much of on here mostly with younger folks, but we do truly miss each other and it gets lonely at times.

**differentcountries** · January 3, 2014, 08:06 AM

Cant he take time and money off even for a weekend visit?

**lilcupcake** · January 3, 2014, 08:42 AM

I know it feels, I don't know when I'll see my SO. I'm working on getting things together for a visit but even that is really just powered on alot of hope haha. If I can't get a visit worked out, then in two years time we'll be meeting for the first time and closing the distance. and like Moon said, i know it isn't a good idea. Despite us having been together so long at that point, it will still feel like a big rush in the relationship.

you're situation is a little different in that area though. because you guys have dated in person and have met each other. I still think a visit would be good for you, it's good for all of us, what if you slowly saved up money to buy him a ticket your way? I understand not having a lot of money, but saving a little bit at a time can be optional sometimes.

**JoeyBug** · January 3, 2014, 09:37 AM

I know how you feel, it's will have been two years since I last saw Scott in April, and with recent matters we're not sure when we will next see each other for sure. We know it'll be some time this year (maybe even twice) but before his last visit it was 18 months and before that we'd lost touch for eight years...as others have suggested, if you can swing a visit, go for it but sometimes circumstances means that you can't. Up until this year I've not been able to fly and see him because of limited income and health issues...I've had to rely on his being able to travel and while he's made it here twice in nearly four years, it does take its toll.

We are also in the process of raising the money to apply for a fiance visa so he can come here and we can close the distance and get married...so yeah, I do know what it's like. It's the not knowing, and the worry and stress that comes from being so far apart without having a definitive date in mind to say "I'll see you then"...you will get through it, and as others have said, maybe see if you can split the cost of him coming to you for a few days? I know that with your caring responsibilities it's not easy to get away, but maybe between the two of you he is able to come and see you. It's one of the reasons Scott has always come here because I require so much care and have my best friend living with me to provide that care. It's going to be interesting to see how we manage if and when I make it over there.

I just wanted to say I've been there and you will get through it, if you ever wanna talk, send me a PM or something...Good Luck and

**piratemama** · January 3, 2014, 02:23 PM

I'm in the same boat. I really don't know for sure when we can close the distance, but we are planning a visit in the spring. Only a few months ago, I didn't even know when I might get to see him again, but we are now planning a visit. It's been 17 months since I last seen him, and it's been tough. The only thing that kept me going was knowing we would eventually be together. Stay connected as much as you can with Skype, phone, internet. Do as many activities as you can. I really couldn't have made it without those connections. Do the "100 +" ideas on the article here. PM me if you have questions about ways to stay connected. It's hard, but oh so worth it.

One thing that has helped me was to see this as an advantage. We are getting to know each other in a totally more complete and intimate way than we ever would dating normally. To me, we are building a solid foundation.

**BabyGund** · January 3, 2014, 06:53 PM

We're in your age range (I'm 40 and he's 56) but I have a tentative idea of when I'll see him again (April/May) and we have a tentative date to close the distance (November/December 2018, when he retires).

The waiting for closing the distance is the biggest obstacle we have. We thought we could close it sooner, but the hassles of immigration for both of us just isn't worth that right now. We're in touch every day in some way or form -- we just take it one day at a time. That's all we can do.

**xanzbarr** · January 3, 2014, 06:54 PM

Originally posted by piratemama View Post

I'm in the same boat. I really don't know for sure when we can close the distance, but we are planning a visit in the spring. Only a few months ago, I didn't even know when I might get to see him again, but we are now planning a visit. It's been 17 months since I last seen him, and it's been tough. The only thing that kept me going was knowing we would eventually be together. Stay connected as much as you can with Skype, phone, internet. Do as many activities as you can. I really couldn't have made it without those connections. Do the "100 +" ideas on the article here. PM me if you have questions about ways to stay connected. It's hard, but oh so worth it.

One thing that has helped me was to see this as an advantage. We are getting to know each other in a totally more complete and intimate way than we ever would dating normally. To me, we are building a solid foundation.

one thing that helps is we do have a very close connection. One night he told me..I know its hard on you , it is on me too when we want each other so f***ing bad.. but i promised Id be with you and I dont break promises....... Things like that help immensely and we do skype at least nightly unless hes busy asleep which he has trouble with sometimes, or sick, which he is right now. He has the flu and I cant be there to take care of him is hard to do though in this instance. We know well be together eventually. He says "all I need is to look into your eyes..." Hes struggling and so am I ..I just wondered when I posted if there were any others in here in my position.
I want to thank all of you who have responded..it helps to know others care and have been where Im at.....PS Mom drives me crazy sometimes..lol so it helps when i talk to him and in here too!

**squeeker** · January 3, 2014, 08:18 PM

Originally posted by xanzbarr View Post

I guess I didnt mention it but I also take care of my mother who has Alzheimers and there isnt anyone to take over for me if i do leave for a few days not mention Im on a limited income at present and cannot afford the tickets either too well...but the main reason is Mom. if it was just me id find a way to go. I usually do pretty well because I guess being a bit older and having known him for so long, were not going through any of the drama i see so much of on here mostly with younger folks, but we do truly miss each other and it gets lonely at times.

I can see how much harder it is when you have to take care of your mum. My boyfriend lives with his dad.. and he can't come visit me because his dad would take it hard to be left on his own because their family has all split up and abandoned them following their own lives.. really the biggest one was when my boyfriend's mum left his dad and did what she did (long and painful story for them) and so now my boyfriend and his dad are living with the consequences and that is one of the big things which makes it even harder for my boyfriend and I do close the distance.. because either his dad has to move to Canada with him, which is so much harder, or I have to leave my family and move to the UK.. which I could do but I'd just have to make sure I keep in contact with my family and I'd have to visit every now and then.. so we have to have good jobs in order to save up enough to close the distance.

I think my grandma had Alzheimers before she passed away, it's a horrible condition to have. It's good you have your partner to talk to and to help relax you.. eventually I hope you two can raise enough money so he can visit you and eventually you can close the distance. You sound like a very strong couple and I'm sure you can make it.

**stormy** · January 3, 2014, 10:15 PM

I am some what in a similar situation. For one, we have known each each other for years (not nearly as you as you two!) and have now come to a place where we are both ready for one another. The reason why I am not entire sure when I will see him again is because he is in the military and well, you never know with those things. He's my man, but he's their seaman. Even though I have a ticket to go see him there is always a chance that he won't be there at the time! We also are unsure as to when OR where we can close the distance because I have a good job here (and a two year lease on my nice apartment! haha) and he is unsure as to exactly what the future holds for him in or out the service.

Could the two of you split the airfare? That way it isn't one person paying round trip, but two people paying for one way essentially. I suggested this to my SO and it blew him away, he was very appreciative that I wanted to work as a team to just see one another more often.

**lilcupcake** · January 4, 2014, 11:48 AM

Originally posted by squeeker View Post

I can see how much harder it is when you have to take care of your mum. My boyfriend lives with his dad.. and he can't come visit me because his dad would take it hard to be left on his own because their family has all split up and abandoned them following their own lives.. really the biggest one was when my boyfriend's mum left his dad and did what she did (long and painful story for them) and so now my boyfriend and his dad are living with the consequences and that is one of the big things which makes it even harder for my boyfriend and I do close the distance.. because either his dad has to move to Canada with him, which is so much harder, or I have to leave my family and move to the UK.. which I could do but I'd just have to make sure I keep in contact with my family and I'd have to visit every now and then.. so we have to have good jobs in order to save up enough to close the distance.

I understand this. I live with my mom and we suffer a lot because of other people. her being diabetic and not able to get it under control, I'm a bit stuck on my end. I can't stand the thought of leaving her and something happening because i wasn't there... We've pretty much decided that when the time comes my SO is coming to me. And eventually, we'll go our own way. He doesn't mind, as he is dying to go somewhere new and get out of his state. haha

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