Not sure if I'm 'allowed'...

[ElenW]

...but so glad to have found this site.

The special guy in my life and I aren't dating as such - we're very good friends and have been getting closer (real chemistry) - but yes technically we have a 'relationship', although not yet what it has the potential to be. Sadly - although wonderfully for him - a great opportunity has come up to work in the Far East for five months and he leaves in a few weeks. I'm trying to hold it together because it really bothers him when I get upset, but I've told him how much I'll miss him - he's focusing on the practicalities of keeping in touch by making plans re: email, Skype etc - can't handle emotions!

I've read quite a few posts here on coping which have helped even now - although I'm sure I'll be back! - but right now I need to find a way of dealing with these next few weeks. Should I keep telling him how much I'll miss him and will be counting days etc or is that unfair - I don't want to make him feel guilty for going? I have also never said the 'L' word and don't feel we're quite there yet, but I'm worried I'll blurt it out on the last day! - I feel like I'm running out of time to say so many things. Is that crazy?

All advice on pre-departure ettiquette most gratefully accepted!

El xx

[differentcountries]

There are many ways to put things. Another way of saying something similar, is how you look forward to stay in touch. Seems like he has a plan for that. You too can focus on practical stuff. Can you see him? Is it possable to mail him? What kind of time will the two of you have during the day and week to keep in touch, over what time difference?

[ElenW]

He'll be 8 hours ahead, but I'm self-employed so no problem with fitting in calls - we're banking on Skype (we already have a history of two-hour chats even when he's five miles away!) and I don't like the lack of body language with email. We also run a business together, so plenty of distractions to focus on - I think my real worry was how to balance that I want him to know how much he's adored without the guilt... tricky.

[differentcountries]

Because you are just sort of dating?

[ElenW]

That too. But he's not an emotional guy - into soccer and beer! - so I have to be careful not to get too 'girly'. Sadly, we were making progress with some real heart to heart conversations - this break now will effectively stop that progress and may take us back a few steps which is a shame. The simple fact is that this guy is 'the one' (I feel it), but its going to take time and I don't want to ruin it just because I'm panicking about saying everything before he leaves... I guess if he really has to go, and I know he wants this chance for his career, I just want to do our best to cope while he's away and pick up again where we left off when he gets back.

[differentcountries]

I don't think there is ever such a thing as picking up where one left. Something always happens in between. Anyway, a lot of guys are emotional and don't even know it. Soccer and beer guys, too. The thing to find out about anyone is what makes their world go round. The love languages is one way of exploring that.

[dglynn77]

Sadly, we were making progress with some real heart to heart conversations - this break now will effectively stop that progress and may take us back a few steps which is a shame.

I'm not understanding how his going to China could stop or even reverse your "progress." Most all of us who have been LD have had some of our most meaningful talks while we are LD because there is nothing else you can share when you are that far apart. You have no touch, just communication. Hopefully it will help improve your relationship and bring you guys even closer together.

[Hollandia]

First time I left I let him see some of my pain but not all of it. I cried a bit the night before, told him how much it was upsetting to leave him but that I wanted to be strong. Then I was. I left with a hug and a bit quieter than my norm but no huge drama.

I went back home and tried my best to keep busy. I tried to keep things in perspective and ultimately I gave him his space and he decided he missed me and wanted me to come back and so we moved forward.

When I am getting ready to leave each time now, I pretty much go through the same thing. I weep a bit and don't hide my feelings but I don't dwell on my agony in front of him. You don't hide your emotions, but also don't allow them to interfere or alter the situation. Me and him are usually 6 hours apart, we also just did 4 months apart and don't know yet when we can close the distance, so if you have to think about 8 hours for only five months I think you can push through. Just be busy, keep in touch via Skype and maybe meet up once in the halfway point if you can at a middle ground point. Keep telling yourself this is temporary. If you grow to love each other enough, this is totally doable.