I was browsing the net and I happened upon this reponse a woman made to someone pregnant in an LDR. I don't think that's an ideal situation, but the woman's response kind of took me off guard. Here is what she said:
I know people who don't see LDR's as "real" relationships, etc. But I've never had that person break it down for me. All of what she said isn't bad, some of it is true, so I put in bold the comments I thought were the most controversial.
I'm really curious to know who agrees or disagrees with her/how LFAD feels about what she said...
I can't seem to form a proper opinion of it. I'm at a lost for words at her audacity. How does it make you feel?
I almost don't know what to say to you. At least, I won't be able to put what I have to say in a one-line sentence.
I know the last thing you want to hear is, "How could you wind up in such a dilemma???"
But I'm going to voice my opinion (for whatever it's worth) on some of these silly, time-consuming, worthless, and dramatic long-distance relationships that people try to carry out.
I expect negative feeback -so don't hold back, just state your own replies as frankly as I've expressed mine.
(Smile.)
So, "Bring it!"
Almost none of the LDR's I have ever heard about, which were formed through virtual contact of the internet, were largely maintained by technological means, and severely limited in regards to physical contact, even came close to grasping realistic expectations of the here and now -much less the future of the relationship.
Yes, -there are exceptions: people who have already formed relationships while in close quaters of each other, fell in love, and then circumstances separated them for one reason or another.
And, to me, those long distance relationships are just fine; they certainly have a better chance of surviving the distance from each other until they are reunited.
The thing I'm always shaking my head about with these LDR's that people are so excited about today -and pursue with fervor- is that they both allow -and rely on- so much *imagination* in regards to what the relationship consists of, in the first place.
You can't possibly *know* someone unless you spend quality time with them on a frequent basis, -at least not enough so that you could even rationally consider it a relationship that could lead to marriage.
It's hard enough, as it is, being in a relationship where you see your beloved everyday!
Being in a LDR is somewhat like being "in love" with a wisp of smoke, or like falling in love with the picture of your favorite celebrity.
In talking with one woman who was describing her boyfriend, I suddenly realized that the year-long love affair was not with someone she had even seen in person except for three all-day-long visits!
All along, I had listened to the stories of how wonderful he was, how caring, and how much in love they were -then I realized she had met him via the internet, carried on hours-long conversations with him (by PC & phone) for months, and I was even more stunned to hear that he had proposed and they were talking "seriously" about marriage!
To put it mildly, I'm floored by how deluded people can become with these types of long-distance relationships.
To me, it absolutely defies reasonable human intelligence.
Let's not even talk about the depression, the lonliness, the hours devoted to imagination of the "fairytale", the paranoia of wondering if he/she is being "faithful" in absence, etc. etc.
It's downright "weary-ing" , for Christs' sake!
Look, if you're going to go through all that for a relationship -why not find someone who lives close enough to you, so that you can have a better idea of who they really are on a day-to-day basis, and be better able to evaluate the *quality* of the relationship (see him/her, for instance) to know whether they are even *worth* it?
How can you learn what a person is like -or how they deal with both routine and unexpected situational life occurrances and events- if you aren't together to witness their reaction (in-person) in regards to how they handle these very specific and telling things?
Puzzling. And certainly something well worth your consideration.
As for your dilemma with the pregnancy -since you may or may not have a "real" relationship with the father (I'm wondering how seeing him a couple of times and having sex twice can constitute a realtionship that has a chance of surviving, here) -I think it may be high time to face all the realities of your situation.
You're pregnant, you truly don't know the father, and I seriously doubt -judging by the tone and details of your post, and despite your "love-confirming" statement- whether either one of you are "in love".
Go to your phone book, look until you find a good counseling source and keep the appointment.
This is your life -not a fairytale romance that stays between the pages of a book.
Wake up and take charge of it.
All I have said is no more than I would have said to someone close to me whom I care deeply about; it was all spoken in kindness and with respect to this type of situation with consideration to the details you provided (or didn't) and from my own personal point of view.
Take care and good luck.
I know the last thing you want to hear is, "How could you wind up in such a dilemma???"
But I'm going to voice my opinion (for whatever it's worth) on some of these silly, time-consuming, worthless, and dramatic long-distance relationships that people try to carry out.
I expect negative feeback -so don't hold back, just state your own replies as frankly as I've expressed mine.
(Smile.)
So, "Bring it!"
Almost none of the LDR's I have ever heard about, which were formed through virtual contact of the internet, were largely maintained by technological means, and severely limited in regards to physical contact, even came close to grasping realistic expectations of the here and now -much less the future of the relationship.
Yes, -there are exceptions: people who have already formed relationships while in close quaters of each other, fell in love, and then circumstances separated them for one reason or another.
And, to me, those long distance relationships are just fine; they certainly have a better chance of surviving the distance from each other until they are reunited.
The thing I'm always shaking my head about with these LDR's that people are so excited about today -and pursue with fervor- is that they both allow -and rely on- so much *imagination* in regards to what the relationship consists of, in the first place.
You can't possibly *know* someone unless you spend quality time with them on a frequent basis, -at least not enough so that you could even rationally consider it a relationship that could lead to marriage.
It's hard enough, as it is, being in a relationship where you see your beloved everyday!
Being in a LDR is somewhat like being "in love" with a wisp of smoke, or like falling in love with the picture of your favorite celebrity.
In talking with one woman who was describing her boyfriend, I suddenly realized that the year-long love affair was not with someone she had even seen in person except for three all-day-long visits!
All along, I had listened to the stories of how wonderful he was, how caring, and how much in love they were -then I realized she had met him via the internet, carried on hours-long conversations with him (by PC & phone) for months, and I was even more stunned to hear that he had proposed and they were talking "seriously" about marriage!
To put it mildly, I'm floored by how deluded people can become with these types of long-distance relationships.
To me, it absolutely defies reasonable human intelligence.
Let's not even talk about the depression, the lonliness, the hours devoted to imagination of the "fairytale", the paranoia of wondering if he/she is being "faithful" in absence, etc. etc.
It's downright "weary-ing" , for Christs' sake!
Look, if you're going to go through all that for a relationship -why not find someone who lives close enough to you, so that you can have a better idea of who they really are on a day-to-day basis, and be better able to evaluate the *quality* of the relationship (see him/her, for instance) to know whether they are even *worth* it?
How can you learn what a person is like -or how they deal with both routine and unexpected situational life occurrances and events- if you aren't together to witness their reaction (in-person) in regards to how they handle these very specific and telling things?
Puzzling. And certainly something well worth your consideration.
As for your dilemma with the pregnancy -since you may or may not have a "real" relationship with the father (I'm wondering how seeing him a couple of times and having sex twice can constitute a realtionship that has a chance of surviving, here) -I think it may be high time to face all the realities of your situation.
You're pregnant, you truly don't know the father, and I seriously doubt -judging by the tone and details of your post, and despite your "love-confirming" statement- whether either one of you are "in love".
Go to your phone book, look until you find a good counseling source and keep the appointment.
This is your life -not a fairytale romance that stays between the pages of a book.
Wake up and take charge of it.
All I have said is no more than I would have said to someone close to me whom I care deeply about; it was all spoken in kindness and with respect to this type of situation with consideration to the details you provided (or didn't) and from my own personal point of view.
Take care and good luck.
I'm really curious to know who agrees or disagrees with her/how LFAD feels about what she said...
I can't seem to form a proper opinion of it. I'm at a lost for words at her audacity. How does it make you feel?
Uh, lady. Last time I had a phone book in the house was probably a good 10 years ago... Now you can Google that and even read something called "reviews". Technology is crazy stuff. I'm going to say that Skype conversations everyday is basically equivalent to going out for dinner every single night for 4 years. Whatever he still has to hide, he could easily have hidden in person as well.
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