How do you know when it's love and time to start?

[innocentbutterfly]

So I'm talking to this guy. He is nice and all, but as you all know I broke up with my LDR ex of 2 years a month and a half ago and I'm still healing from that. However. We are good friends. We joke around a lot and we both agreed it came to a like, but we established some rules and stages. I told him I dont want him as rebound, he agreed. So we agreed if our feelings get deeper we will say and plan ahead, if not we will just stay same as now, friends. But how? How will we know?

How did you guys know? Whats 100% sign its love?

[mellif]

hmm; for me with my current SO, it was when I realized I wanted to be alive with him-- it's a weird way to put it, but I didn't want to just be happy together, I wanted us to experience everything together. I wanted to experience his ups and downs, I wanted to support him. I wanted to grow and learn with him. We have very strong feelings about each other, and when we started dating, it was when we knew there was no way we could continue being friends. We wanted our commitment was official.

I'm sure that, if you two continue to communicate and grow closer, eventually the feelings will build up and your heart will know, as cheesy as it might sound. At least, it did for me.

[CynicalQuixotic]

Why does it have to be love? Can't you just talk to the guy, go on a few dates, and see where it goes?

[innocentbutterfly]

@CynicalQuixotic I can't exactly do that. Its a LDR remember. And we both dont want to lead eachother on. There has to be at least some stronger feelings than "like" to start a LDR, at least that's what I read and how it was with my LDR before. though that one totally started too fast based on like and I got burned in the end.

@meliif thank you. Though I mean the very first ones. You probably miss talking if you dont talk one day, you want to share details of stuff that made you happy with them, you want them to know as much as you can about you...isn't it like that at 1st? Big importance being on thinking of them/missing them?

[conejita_hada]

While it's LD, meeting can be a good indicator of your feelings and how to proceed. Wait as you're thinking about and see what happens. Once you're able to meet in person, book the tickets to meet, go on a few dates, and see if you're compatible with each other. If you find that out before you meet, great but meeting and going on dates will be a great way to understand those feelings plus, it'll give you more time to heal while saving up for the trip so he isn't just a rebound.

[Dezface]

I don't see why being long distance means you can't just talk first. My SO and I talked for months before admitting any feelings. Many relationships here have come out of friendships.

[innocentbutterfly]

yeah dezface thats the way I did it before (met after 1,5 year) and I was thinking the same way now. I wouldn't travel if there wasn't at least a bit of deeper feelings other than like and I would know him well enough.

[innocentbutterfly]

though I didn't understand here how you guys mean by 'go on dates'. I can't imagine that long distance. You mean travel, meet and spend time together going out?

[differentcountries]

I think they may mean online dates. You know, setting aside a few hours for anything from talking to simultaniously watching a movie together to a bit of online sex. I don't know, we don't really have online dates as in doing activities apart from talk +sex, maybe we would have had he had a computer but we Skype over the phone.

It is weird because I met my bf during a short holiday and so did not get to know him much before deciding to be with him. We were then long distance for two months before seeing each other again. In that time we fell in love. I would say some of the things that helped was;
- I bought him a present. I used the info I gathered about him to get him a nice one. I really had to think! He had gotten me a seashell so it was not like I could give him one back...
- I wrote him a joke poem discribing us
- We Exchanged photos. One of my pics was I made him a giant heart, gathered leaves and stones from our park and I sat beside it. He really, really liked it and also got a bit matcho like it was his job as a man to do it LOL, that really describe him as a person
- we gave each other link to YouTube videos with our favourite music
- I found lists of couple 's questions online and asked him quite a lot of them. One of the questions that worked really well was; describe your first childhood memory. Even simple ones like what do your parents do and what food do you like proved very useful. Make sure you answer the same questions too, before or after asking him. I am thinking of getting even more questions...
-Talk, talk and talk, long and long...
- I made my bf the Deck of cards (52 compliments +some on the side). While some of them were based upon our short time together, others were based upon his online behaviour and our chemistry online. I do think I got to know him more as a person because the majority of our first months took place online. I have "met " his flatmates online. I even got to see him with his family, since he visited. And he got to see my husband. If he has family or friends close by, and you do too, maybe you can chat a bit with them. Also, if you have the net and the weather for it, it can be nice to go outside to show the weather and landscape. I love when my so do that on the phone. I even Skyped with him from the tram once, just to show him what our tram looks like...

[Chlo]

I think you'll fall for him over time.
If you like him, and spend a lot of time with him, your feelings will grow whether you want them to or not.
The thing is, people define love in different ways. I mean, I didn't wake up one day and suddenly decide that I love my SO, it was a gradual thing.
If you really like this guy and see this possible relationship as a positive thing, I'd say stop over analysing and just go for it.
On the other hand, you say you're still healing from your previous relationship - so if you feel you're not yet ready, don't force yourself. You'll end up hurting him and even yourself if you find you're not over your ex and everything that went on with him.
Just remember there is no reason to rush into relationships.
Best of luck!

[folclor]

To be honest... I don't know how I knew I was in love. For me, at least, it was a situation where I was talking to him and I suddenly realized that I loved him. Since then I've felt different levels of realization of that love, but for me it just happened without an inciting event.

Most likely you two will fall for each other if you continue to be friends and just be yourselves. Don't try to make things happen faster than they should but don't try to force things to slow down, either. Even after my guy and I realized we loved each other it took us a year to get into a relationship.

[piratemama]

How will you know when it's love? When it's love, you won't have to ask. You'll know.

I agree with differentcountries on the online dating. It's not as good as in person, but, man oh man, it's great when you make a way in a LDR to date and connect. My SO and I have made some wonderful memories with our online dating. Discovering what to do and trying new things has been a huge part of the fun.

[CynicalQuixotic]

@CynicalQuixotic I can't exactly do that. Its a LDR remember. And we both dont want to lead eachother on. There has to be at least some stronger feelings than "like" to start a LDR, at least that's what I read and how it was with my LDR before. though that one totally started too fast based on like and I got burned in the end.

Sorry, you didn't make that clear in your original post. There are lots of people on here who end their LDRs and start dating someone CD.

I think you should just see where things go. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. And I say this as someone who lets herself angst way too much about what-ifs.

[innocentbutterfly]

@differentcountries

thank you you got a long and nice list there
about the talk I do it, usually lately we talk for a few hours, just a bunch of stuff. And you said questions. I know last time I started my questions my ex got irritated by them at some point, I asked everything childhood, likes, past relationships, sex life...and yeah past...here's where he burned me. So I'm not sure anymore how much of that it's safe to talk? But I know I want to know it, basically to know him more. Like everything that I can possibly know.

As far as online dates go...I never even had that before. He likes to watch movies, he asked me to recommend him a few, but usually he has no time for them, I misght say lets watch one at the same time, but how, like over cam? I don't exactly have my own room and privacy to do that at any time I would want.

Even using cam I can never speak on it, because my family is with me all the time. In a way I think that's also what made my ex slowly drift away...I couldn't do many of these often...

@Chlo yeah I find myself that in a lot of things he says I usually remember sth with my ex and mention it to him, I saw it started to come off as annoying. He doesn't say anything, but I know I have to stop doing that, because I'm not really letting go like that, right?
That's why I don't wanna rush. Because I know even if I deny it to myself I am still going through stages of letting go of my ex, so I dont want to do something wrong here.

[differentcountries]

Why does it matter the likes and dislikes of your ex? You are trying to get to know a new guy know. But I totally get the confusing the two. You seem concious of it which is good. If I can suggest something, maybe not dig too deep into relationship /sexual past in the beginning. And work towards you being able to talk more freely. I don't know much about the options you two have, but my so does not live alone and did not have his own computer before we bought the smart phone , but we made it happen here and there with internet cafees and him borrowing from friends. It may be things you too can do.