Well this is it. Tomorrow is the last day I'll see 'him' before he leaves for five months next week. It probably helps to explain (briefly!), that we're 'just good friends' at the moment, but I love him very much and our relationship is deepening every day. It's also perhaps worth mentioning that tomorrow will technically be a working day - we run a business together, and have lots to do before he goes.
So on both counts, it won't be a day when I can truly express how I'm feeling - both because I don't want to force what isn't naturally ready to happen yet and (frustratingly!) because he's not a guy who is comfortable with emotions generally, particularly 'deep' ones - on all levels it's sad that we're having this break now when things were so good (and I feel that sadness as probably one of strongest emotions, alongside the inevitable sadness of knowing how very much I'm going to miss him and 'feel' his distance (if that makes sense?)).
At the moment, I've no idea how I'm going to cope - with tomorrow, let alone the next almost half a year!! He also suggested that he may stay longer ('for the business', even though I don't think this will have a significant impact) - I can't tell him why I don't want this to happen, other than 'business reasons' - so frustrating.
I know that there are no easy answers - I can only 'play' tomorrow 'by ear', saying what I can, where I can, and keeping back the (buckets of!) tears until after I say goodbye (NO idea what words to use for that either!) - so I kind of want to put it 'out there' that this may well be the most difficult day of my life so far, and right now I'm not feeling great about it. Dreading it really. Which is also sad, because I know I should be trying to enjoy the last few hours with him as much as possible!! I really hate that this is happening, and also feel really guilty that I do when he's so excited about this opportunity (paid teaching in the Far East!) - so much negative emotion. This is the first time (even though I'm 40+) that I've loved someone and hate that it hurts so much.
Anyway, that's it. Elen xx
So on both counts, it won't be a day when I can truly express how I'm feeling - both because I don't want to force what isn't naturally ready to happen yet and (frustratingly!) because he's not a guy who is comfortable with emotions generally, particularly 'deep' ones - on all levels it's sad that we're having this break now when things were so good (and I feel that sadness as probably one of strongest emotions, alongside the inevitable sadness of knowing how very much I'm going to miss him and 'feel' his distance (if that makes sense?)).
At the moment, I've no idea how I'm going to cope - with tomorrow, let alone the next almost half a year!! He also suggested that he may stay longer ('for the business', even though I don't think this will have a significant impact) - I can't tell him why I don't want this to happen, other than 'business reasons' - so frustrating.
I know that there are no easy answers - I can only 'play' tomorrow 'by ear', saying what I can, where I can, and keeping back the (buckets of!) tears until after I say goodbye (NO idea what words to use for that either!) - so I kind of want to put it 'out there' that this may well be the most difficult day of my life so far, and right now I'm not feeling great about it. Dreading it really. Which is also sad, because I know I should be trying to enjoy the last few hours with him as much as possible!! I really hate that this is happening, and also feel really guilty that I do when he's so excited about this opportunity (paid teaching in the Far East!) - so much negative emotion. This is the first time (even though I'm 40+) that I've loved someone and hate that it hurts so much.
Anyway, that's it. Elen xx
Saying goodbye is always very hard, no matter if you are friends or members of family or couple .... What about possibility that he feels the same as you do? I would go for it and say something like: "IŽll be waiting", might be cliche, but it might give him a hint at least. Enjoy the last day with him and be strong 
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