Ive been in a relationship for 2 months, is it too early to be engaged?

[jana89]

Everyone knows someone who made it work, but that's not the point - it's not about whether the relationship could work out or not, it's about what you're doing to yourself. You're robbing yourself (and your relationship) of precious time you won't get back. You'll never be 18 again and have as many opportunities and freedoms as you have now. There is a time for everything and 18 just isn't the time to get engaged or married.

I hear what you are saying and just would like to point out I said I don´t think it is good idea to get marry after such a short time. At the same time I don´t think that getting married necessarily means you are gonna be robbed of anything. Everyone should decide due to their own feelings.

[Lilly9886]

Everyone knows someone who made it work.

I wanted to add that this reminds me so much of the movie "He is just not that into you"
I love that movie!

[lucybelle]

I don't understand "extra long" engagements. I'd consider anything over 18 months to be "extra long". Why even be engaged? I consider the point of being engaged is to plan a wedding. But if you're just going to be engaged for 2+ years, what's the point of getting engaged so early?

Definitely not saying OP, an 18 year old, should go get married. It's that long engagements seem pointless to me.

[lyonsgirl]

I don't understand "extra long" engagements. I'd consider anything over 18 months to be "extra long". Why even be engaged? I consider the point of being engaged is to plan a wedding. But if you're just going to be engaged for 2+ years, what's the point of getting engaged so early?

Definitely not saying OP, an 18 year old, should go get married. It's that long engagements seem pointless to me.

I agree with this statement. No matter where you want to get married, 18 months should be more than enough time.

[Malaga]

I hear what you are saying and just would like to point out I said I don´t think it is good idea to get marry after such a short time. At the same time I don´t think that getting married necessarily means you are gonna be robbed of anything. Everyone should decide due to their own feelings.

But you are being robbed when you get married before time. Of your freedom to go through all the stages of your life, not leap into adulthood with no meaningful experience at all. The experience and moments you miss now, you can't get it later - and you do feel it. The marriage might work out fine, but that doesn't mean it was a good decision for you.

There's this myth that making decisions based on your own feelings is always right - it's not. Feelings are often petty, misguided, irrational and transient and you should review them and manage them. If you feel like you should get engaged or married at 18, you should question why you feel that way, not go ahead and do it.

[Ahava]

It is typical to think like this in the Western world, that if you tie yourself down/have kids at such a young age, you will miss out on life.
If someone has a child at the age 20 she/he will be only 40 when the child is 20. Fourty is young and you'll still have energy (and money) to explore the world and do adventures you "missed out on" in your twenties.
And why couldn't a person go to college/university even if they are married? You don't have to have kids right a way.
Or is this "experience" you have to have exploring and having as many relationships as possible.
Some lucky buggers find their soul mate at the age of 18 (or younger) and the rest of us have to struggle and make mistakes etc.
It's life.

I'm not arguing against or for the OP here, but on a general level wondering why does everybody have to do it the same way?
It is true that people are still growing and changing, but if they have found the person that rocks their world why can't they do what they want without the society being shocked because it's not the norm nowadays?

[differentcountries]

That is because many people don't care as much for an education or Exploring the world if they can get engaged / married soon. They focus all on love and domestic life. Starting studies at 40 can be hard. By 18 you have little experience, you can't even buy hard liquer (in my country) and you don't know how to live an adult life with paying bills and all.of course it can turn out superfine. I know a lot of concervative Christians who marry young. They have the support in their community. Still, most folks at 18 are not economically independent, parents are still much in the picture until 20. Do you want to get engaged to marry within a couple of years, or is it without a future date?

[Kelsy.Breland]

thank you for all the responses everyone, i would just like to point out that infact he is attending university already and that i will be starting in the fall, we have both discussed financial issues together. We are having a long engagement, possibly a few years, after i finish my courses but there is no set date. Also, for those of you who are saying by 18 you havent matured enough ect. everyone matures at their own pace, and i dont think i will be missing out on anything, i will just get to experience those things with him. We do NOT want kids, not anytime soon, and i know one visit is not much but we have being talking forever. we know eachother better then anyone. Thank you for sharing! i will be discussing some of these issues with him soon

[jana89]

But you are being robbed when you get married before time. Of your freedom to go through all the stages of your life, not leap into adulthood with no meaningful experience at all. The experience and moments you miss now, you can't get it later - and you do feel it. The marriage might work out fine, but that doesn't mean it was a good decision for you.

In the country where I´m coming from you are being counted as an adult since you are 18. Also I don´t think that getting married means you have to stop living full life and experience new and exciting things. You can travel being single as well as married, you can study, you can party .... As Ahava says, everyone has different way.

[Dezface]

It is typical to think like this in the Western world, that if you tie yourself down/have kids at such a young age, you will miss out on life.
If someone has a child at the age 20 she/he will be only 40 when the child is 20. Fourty is young and you'll still have energy (and money) to explore the world and do adventures you "missed out on" in your twenties.
And why couldn't a person go to college/university even if they are married? You don't have to have kids right a way.
Or is this "experience" you have to have exploring and having as many relationships as possible.
Some lucky buggers find their soul mate at the age of 18 (or younger) and the rest of us have to struggle and make mistakes etc.
It's life.

I'm not arguing against or for the OP here, but on a general level wondering why does everybody have to do it the same way?
It is true that people are still growing and changing, but if they have found the person that rocks their world why can't they do what they want without the society being shocked because it's not the norm nowadays?

I definitely don't think getting married or engaged at 18 is the wisest move, but that has more to do with how feelings change and people grow rather than what you're missing out on. I have to say I agree with you Ahava.

I got married at 20 and while there's many things I regret about that relationship, I never and still don't feel I missed out on much. I went to college (granted, only community college, but that wouldn't have been different even if I was single,) we traveled, we partied, we just did it all together. Now I do understand that most people want to experience these things as a young single person and not as a young married person, but that doesn't hold true for everybody. We also never had kids, so getting married young doesn't automatically equal having children young.

[Malaga]

And why couldn't a person go to college/university even if they are married? You don't have to have kids right a way.
Or is this "experience" you have to have exploring and having as many relationships as possible.
Some lucky buggers find their soul mate at the age of 18 (or younger) and the rest of us have to struggle and make mistakes etc.
It's life.

Thing is, you associate being ready for marriage with finding your soulmate. But it's not like there's some marriage light switch in you that's just waiting to be switched on, then the right person comes a long and turns it on and you're suddenly ready. Life, relationships are a journey, growing up is a gradual process. It's not about partying, studying or travelling, it's about not rushing time. It's one thing you'll never get back. The concepts of time and how fast is too fast has a different meaning when you're 18 and when you're 30. OP seems to feel that way too.

[lucybelle]

No big decisions should be made at 18. You're too stupid. All 18 year olds are stupid. I said it, don't even try to argue. I was stupid when I was 18. So was everyone. Biggest decision should be your major in college, and even that you can change after a year or two (I did).

[Moon]

No big decisions should be made at 18. You're too stupid. All 18 year olds are stupid. I said it, don't even try to argue. I was stupid when I was 18. So was everyone. Biggest decision should be your major in college, and even that you can change after a year or two (I did).

Truest thing ever.

And, while 40 is still young, what nobody tells you, and what you don't realize is, by the time you get there, and are ready for the fun and travel, everyone you know now has families, and you lead a very different life from those who were your friends. You're free, but nobody else is, and to be honest, it can be very lonely.

[Heavenly_Love12]

OP, the first thing I would like to say is that none of us know you personally so we are all going to have opinions based on people your age and time in a relationship in general. I think the people you should really be seeking advice from are those that know you because they will know if you are really ready for this kind of commitment or not.

In my opinion, the age you are is more significant. At 18, you are just beginning to learn more about yourself and deciding who and what you want to be in life. It is young to be making life long choices. You are planning to have a long engagement and in your circumstances, I think that is good. I think that will give you both time to grow in the relationship and learn more. Yes, two months is fast but since you're not rushing towards the aisle, it isn't as bad.

In general, an 18 year old who gets married will not be married to that person until death. It sounds like you have decided to stay engaged and not move forward with things until you are done with schooling; I think waiting is your best option.

[Ahava]

Thing is, you associate being ready for marriage with finding your soulmate. But it's not like there's some marriage light switch in you that's just waiting to be switched on, then the right person comes a long and turns it on and you're suddenly ready. Life, relationships are a journey, growing up is a gradual process. It's not about partying, studying or travelling, it's about not rushing time. It's one thing you'll never get back. The concepts of time and how fast is too fast has a different meaning when you're 18 and when you're 30. OP seems to feel that way too.

Not quite what I said/meant, but anyway...
Marriage is also a journey, something you learn about along the journey. It's not something you can qualify for or plan. And it's never easy (sickness and in health, good times and bad times).
The truth is that MOST people are way too young at 18 (and dumb yes, but NOT all, people do mature at different paces).
But what I am questioning here is the fact that many people seem to think that there is only this ONE right way to do things.

Not everybody wants to study or has the possibility. Some people (I know to most of you it probably sounds like something from outer space) actually want to get married and have a family at a young age and that makes them happy. I don't see anything wrong in that.

I wouldn't actually advice on getting married at 18 or at any age if you haven't known the person long. But if a person wants to do it, feels mature enough etc I wouldn't tell them not to either.
It may not work out. But that's life and the best lessons and growing usually come from ones mistakes.
Mistakes aren't necessarily a bad thing either. Something great can come out of them too

Bottom line(s): if you believe that marriage is a once in a life time thing then it shouldn't be taken lightly/jumped/rushed into. Engagement can also be away to show yourself/your SO (and the rest of the world) that you are committed and will marry this person one day even if it lasts 5 years.

This is how I feel and I am not saying everybody has to agree feel free to disagree