Love or in love

[piratemama]

Does it matter if your SO says he/she is "in love" with you, or is saying "I love you" enough? Do you see any difference in those expressions?

I've read a few posts in the forum where some say being "in love" is different, and I've always felt that way, too. My SO doesn't make a difference in those. He tells me he loves me all the time, but he never says he's in love with me. He shows his love in a lot of ways, and I'm trying to learn to focus on all the good he does. I'm glad he loves me, so I'm not going to worry too much about the name for it. "A rose by any other name..." kind of thing applies here. I'm a romantic at heart, and he's more scientific and practical in thinking.

I got to thinking about it and wondered how you all stand on it. Do you and your SO's have other sweet ways of expressing your love without using the word love?

[snow_girl]

I'm pretty sure those are the exact same thing. Unless you are breaking up with someone and say "I love you I'm just not in love with you" Which would mean they still care about you but don't have romantic feelings, but people only say that to lessen the blow. In a relationship there is no difference. I think if a SO repeatedly told me he was in love with me it would be dumb.

[squeeker]

I think you just said it there when you said "He shows his love in a lot of ways".

To me, it doesn't matter how someone says it.. it mostly matters if they show it anyways. Words don't mean anything if they aren't followed by actions anyways so I wouldn't get nit picky about it! Unless he says they are different.. and that he isn't in love with you but just loves you.. I think they are the same thing though.

Though the word "love" can be overused in our society.. the greater test is if he shows it. If he shows it.. then that's what matters in my opinion!

[itsjen516]

it can be tricky cuz people say it in diffent ways . like for me it was super awkward, we were talking and i slipped it out that i was in love with him but he didnt say it back. about a month or so later i kinda brought it up again and hes like "ya im in love with you to but i never been in love so i just didnt know how to feel or react" wich was fine now he tells me all the time that he loves me and that hes in love idk it was confusing but i would personaly like to hear it

[OperaDiva]

I'm not a native English speaker (and in my language the expressions are a bit different, "in love with" is a verb that is very awkward to use in first person), but I think there might be a slight difference. However, what matters most is how people act and how they use words in the context of relationships, not what it says in the dictionary.

[Lilly9886]

For me, in a relationship, people should be feeling both. I do think they are slightly different. Especially in English, because you use love for many things (at least I do, for lack of better word, if you really really like something - eg. food, tv-show, clothes,...) - and you also use it for family and friends, right? We have a bit of another expression used for friends in German!

So for me, you are only in love with one person, but you can love many (including. SO, family, friends,...) but of course for me, you should "love" your SO more/ in a different way!

Piratemama, as long as he says I love you and shows his love to you, I wouldn't worry

[melarie]

To me, "I love you" is just more casual. They still mean the same thing in the context of a relationship, it's just more special to me when I hear "I'm in love with you." I don't know why. Maybe because my family (Well, my mom and I) say it so much. Any time we hang up the phone, or one of us leaves the house or goes to sleep or whatever else, we add on a little "Love you," I guess as a reminder just in case it's the last time we get to say it. It's been that way since I can remember so to me "I love you" isn't THAT special. It is, but it isn't, you know? It puts a smile on my face, but it doesn't give me butterflies or fill me with joy and shit. Not like when he says he's IN love with me.

Also, "I love you so much," is the same as "in love" to me.

Edit: Thinking it about it more, I love you can be special too, depending on how it's said. It's said with as much emotion, it'll feel the same. I guess it's more the way you say it than what you're actually saying.

[differentcountries]

In my language, "in love with " is the feeling of infatuation, wheras "love" means something a little deeper. And you say I love you only to a lover, to a friend or family member you will say something like "I am fond of you ". Not quite sure how those distinctions are made in Turkish. We went from I like you to I 'm falling in love to I love you. And somewhere inbetween falling and loving there was something about growing old together, so maybe that's why I think he meant love the Norwegian way...

[bethyylovee]

For me, personally, 'love' and 'in love' are different. I love all of my friends, and I loved stephen when I first met him. However, I was not 'in love' with him. When I say I love someone, I mean I care for the deeply and want and wish the best for them, and do what I can to help them out. I'm a very openly loving person. I don't know if it's my religious background and upbringing, or just my very large and open heart. I extend love to so many people, because everyone deserves love.

All of that in mind, just because I love someone doesn't mean I want to wake up next to them every single morning. i didn't tell Stephen that I was in love with him until I really pictured myself being with him forever. Cheesy as it may be, it's how it happened.

Love, to me, is a feeling that goes to my family and friends and pets and God. Being IN love, is something on a deeper, more intimate level.

[Lovebee]

My SO tells me that he loves me, but when he's talking about me to somebody else, he'll say he's in love. I think I take the same approach. It's a subtle nuance, one that I'm not sure how to explain, but I think that "in love" refers to our relationship and our togetherness, and "love" refers to our feelings for each other.

[Mims27]

For me, when it's related to my SO, hearing (or saying) "in love" or "I love you" is the same thing. But "I love you" has different feeling or meaning when it's comes to other people.

[lucybelle]

I think the debate over the "difference" of "I love you" vs "I'm in love with you" is silly. They mean the same thing. Done and done.

[lyonsgirl]

I was going to say the only difference is when you say it depends on who you're talking to... but then I thought about it, and, nope. They're the same thing.

I will say, "I love my husband" or "I'm in love with that man" *points at husband*. But honestly? I don't think I've ever said, "I'm in love with you" to him. Or maybe I have? I don't know.

[stormy]

I think that when it comes to English its just all in the context of the situation. I wish English had more descriptive words for emotions but since we do not you have to pay attention to what the person said, how they said it, and who they said it to.

The way I say "I love you" to my mom has different connotations than when I would say it to my SO.
I feel that when you are in a romantic relationship with someone and you said "I love you" that means "I am in love with you". It's not like when talking to a platonic friend... "I love you, man." kind of thing.

[CanadianGirl]

I think they mean exactly the same thing in the context of a romantic relationship. "I love you" sounds much more natural, and flows naturally with so many common situations. If he asked me, "Are you in love with me?", I could answer with "Of course, I love you" or "Of course, I'm in love with you". You could argue there's some incredibly subtle difference, but if someone is showing their love, I don't see the point getting nit-picky about a couple extra words.