Love or in love

[Moon]

I think this situation would be a classic case of overthinking, or trying to find a problem that doesn't exist. If your SO tells you s/he loves you, take it for what it is, s/he loves you! I'm not sure we should dictate how a partner should express love, let them do what comes naturally, especially in the words department. When you over-analyze every word, relationships stop being fun.

[Malaga]

I'm glad he loves me, so I'm not going to worry too much about the name for it.

Yeah. Don't overthink it. Not everything can be expressed in words. It's akin to your SO saying "I love you to the Moon and back" and you're thinking "hmmm but why didn't he say Alpha Centauri?"

In my language, "in love with " is the feeling of infatuation, wheras "love" means something a little deeper.

In my native language too, but not so in English. So when I told my SO after about a month of talking that I was falling in love with him his eyes almost popped out... To me it just meant I was having a strong crush on him. To him something way more serious. He did admit later that he was a bit freaked out but it still didn't put him off

[BabyGund]

They are used interchangably in our relationship. We also use "I'm mad about you" "I adore you" "I'm crazy about you"

But TBH, any such discussion like this is just a way women tend to overanalyze and drive themselves crazy about relationships. Does it really matter as long as you feel loved by him? As long as he shows his love for you? Are you happy and satisfied in your relationship? This kind of emotional drama is what makes guys think there is something wrong with us sometimes.

[differentcountries]

In my native language too, but not so in English. So when I told my SO after about a month of talking that I was falling in love with him his eyes almost popped out... To me it just meant I was having a strong crush on him. To him something way more serious. He did admit later that he was a bit freaked out but it still didn't put him off

When I think back, I am pretty sure he got scared of his feelings and not the words, though at one point he said lets not fall in love, and I was like we are already in love and he went shit you are right

[talim]

This thread is really interesting for me, because in my native language it's complete opposite. "I love you" is expression used only between couples, when talking about family and friends, we use "I like you" (it sounds stupid in english, I know). And there is also difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you" - to be in love with someone means, at least for me, something like "falling for someone". It is more platonical feeling than real love.
(I am terrible in describing this, I know )

[mellif]

for my SO and I, we usually say "I love you", but there are times when we're teasing each other, and he's like "why don't you cut off my arm" and I'm like "no!!! I'm in love with you!!!!!!" (its a strange joke without a context, sry, but yea) xD So we usually use "I love you" or "I love you so much" when it comes to showing deeper emotions.

[Benni]

It might be a 'guy' thing, too. In all of my relationships/marriages, none of my men ever said they were IN love with me -- just 'I love you". B ends all of our skype sessions with a grin and "I love you, bye" like it's all one word. And he ends phone calls to his children the same way (I've heard him during skype sessions when his kids call). But, the few times that he looks at me and says "I love you" in a serious manner, I melt!

[piratemama]

For me, personally, 'love' and 'in love' are different. I love all of my friends, and I loved stephen when I first met him. However, I was not 'in love' with him. When I say I love someone, I mean I care for the deeply and want and wish the best for them, and do what I can to help them out. I'm a very openly loving person. I don't know if it's my religious background and upbringing, or just my very large and open heart. I extend love to so many people, because everyone deserves love.

All of that in mind, just because I love someone doesn't mean I want to wake up next to them every single morning. i didn't tell Stephen that I was in love with him until I really pictured myself being with him forever. Cheesy as it may be, it's how it happened.

Love, to me, is a feeling that goes to my family and friends and pets and God. Being IN love, is something on a deeper, more intimate level.

This is how I've felt. I have loved other men in my life, but I've only been able to fully let go and be vulnerable with my SO. It's such a complete giving of myself to him that it has to have a different way of expressing it, so I think of it as "in love." No other man has had my heart in this way.

I get what everyone is saying on the thread, though, and what should matter is the intent of what a person is saying. I can remember the first time he told me that he loved me, and that was very special. I am happy and not complaining.

[jana89]

Does it matter if your SO says he/she is "in love" with you, or is saying "I love you" enough? Do you see any difference in those expressions?

I've read a few posts in the forum where some say being "in love" is different...

I am definitely one of those people who differ "being in love" and "love". In my mind, you first fall in love with someone and later, when you get to know him/her better, your feelings get deeper, which is what for me is love. It is the stage where you no longer have the rose-colored glasses, you see your SO´s flaws, but you love him/her despite that (or probably just because of it). My SO is telling me he loves me quite often, but honestly it is not as important for me as the way he acts towards me. Also I would like to add, that in my country we don´t use "i love you" in connection with friends or family members, we say "i like you". Love is only for the One

[jana89]

This thread is really interesting for me, because in my native language it's complete opposite. "I love you" is expression used only between couples, when talking about family and friends, we use "I like you" (it sounds stupid in english, I know). And there is also difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you" - to be in love with someone means, at least for me, something like "falling for someone". It is more platonical feeling than real love.
(I am terrible in describing this, I know )

Probably should have read all the thread before posting, now I see I wrote almost exactly the same Well, after all, we happen to be from the same country

[aniay]

In my language being 'in love' and loving someone are two different things. (at least for me because i know people who interchange them freely)

In love means fascination, crush, butterfly feelings - it's the emotion.

Loving means caring for someone else, giving yourself to the other person. - it's the commitment.

so being in love is about oneself while loving is about the other person.

Me and my SO see a difference and when we say I love you it means something else than I'm in love with you and we tend to say that we hope to never fall out of love with each other.

@jana it seems to have something to do with slavic languages

[differentcountries]

In my language being 'in love' and loving someone are two different things. (at least for me because i know people who interchange them freely)

In love means fascination, crush, butterfly feelings - it's the emotion.

Loving means caring for someone else, giving yourself to the other person. - it's the commitment.

so being in love is about oneself while loving is about the other person.

Me and my SO see a difference and when we say I love you it means something else than I'm in love with you and we tend to say that we hope to never fall out of love with each other.

@jana it seems to have something to do with slavic languages

Or perhaps Northern Europe? I believe this distinction between in love as butterflies and love as the commitmed feeling between lovers is the same in German, Danish, Sweedish and my language.

[aniay]

Or perhaps Northern Europe? I believe this distinction between in love as butterflies and love as the commitmed feeling between lovers is the same in German, Danish, Sweedish and my language.

Or maybe the distinction was there in every language but we just lost the difference at some point.

[Pylothe]

My boyfriend says both to me. Sometimes he'll message me saying things like "I'm so in love with you" (or variations of that). I think he does this because we both say "I love you" as standard greetings in the mornings and when we log out and we've both mentioned how we feel that it's losing it's strength. That's why I do think it helps when the formulation is changed, even if at its depth it basically means the same thing.

"I love you" is still strong for me because with friends I'll say "love you" or "love ya." I feel that the lack of the first person pronoun is really important as it adds a sort of dismissive tone to the statement (even if I still do love my friends! ). So I am very conscious of saying "I love you" to my SO.
LOL - I may totally be thinking about this way too hard, but think if he ever said "love you" to me I'd call him out on it

[Heavenly_Love12]

I believe that there are differences between being "in love" with someone and "loving" someone but it has more to do on connection. I love my family, my friends, and my cat but I am in love with my SO. I believe that it is more important to like your partner than to just love them. My thinking is that when you love someone, you should love them for who they really are: all their faults and flaws, what they can really do, and everything that they come with (baggage, children, exes, etc). Many people marry before they have that deep connection with someone that has lasted for years and they are in that "puppy love/lust" stage. If I love someone, it means that I love and care about them for who they are and accept them as they are.

My SO and I are truly best friends, we liked and loved each other first and then fell into a deep love. We tell each other that we love the other but know that we mean so in a way that is everlasting; that is what is important to me. The in love/I love you thing doesn't mean much difference to me unless the person who is proclaiming to be "in love" with someone hasn't reached that deep level yet.