Have I gone too far?

[MoonWatcher]

At what point do you go "over the line" for your SO?

Today while I was out at lunch, I saw a friend of mine eating with someone. I ended up sitting with them for two hours, just chatting and enjoying hanging out. I didn't realize the woman my friend was eating with was her boss. My friend works at a college about an an hour and a half away (a college I have been considering), and right before we all left her boss suddenly offered me a full-time job that would not only pay well, it's also involved in my future major. (FYI, I'm taking the year off before going to college, so I won't be attending until next fall. David has already graduated college)

But almost as soon as she offered, I turned it down. Why? David immediately came to mind. I didn't want to take any time away from being able to talk to him, or be with him when he comes back. I wanted to make myself totally available, without any hangups that would prevent contact. Later, it made me think... at what point have you gone too far for your LDR? It's not like he wouldn't want me to take the job or anything. It's more that I wouldn't want to take the job because I'd want to be with him. Am I harming myself by doing that? Am I keeping myself from growing as an individual? Does it make me too dependent on him? When is it okay to "sacrifice", and when does it become destructive? Where do you draw the line?

I'm just very confused about that whole situation... aside from the fact that it was probably a too-good-to-be-true offer, have I done serious damage this time?

- Caitlin

[Tanja]

In my opinion it might've been a bit hasty for you to just turn a full-time job down without thinking about it at all... Especially if it's in your own field and you would've get paid well, it's so hard to find a good job at a time like this. I know you want to talk to him but you can't turn down every job you could get just because you want to be available to your boyfriend, that's a bit naive. Sorry if that sounds harsh but that's just my opinion.

I can understand the way you think though, and I'm sure lots of people on here would've done what you did.
Would it be out of the question to ask for a second chance though? Working and making good money always means more money to spend on visits too.

[NaNi]

I have to agree with Tanja. Turning down such a good opportunity just because of your boyfriend... well, you have to think about your future too. Or you should.

[noodle]

I havent turned down the job opportunities I had so far for my LDR cause I know I need the money and need it to see him. But what sacrifice I might make is not go out with friends. When they ask me if I wanna hang Im most of the time like "hm sorry I dont know I wanted to see Chris". I just hate the thought of missing on Skype etc thats why Im on the laptop whenever I have time. I'm even online on Skype at night with my phone so he could wake me up once he gets on. I could say as an excuse that due to time differences he can do all at once while I cant.
And yes it probably not be right and yes it might be sick but I cant help it >_>
Plus I see friends of mine do the same even if their bfs are close to them so yea... lol

[Karringtyn]

I can just echo what has been said. YOU have to put YOU first and what you need in your life..in your personal growth...it is in your field and great pay...I have been there....and I learned from it.

[LadyMarchHare]

When I began looking for a job I did consider my SO, mainly if I could get time off to see him when I wanted, same with college. It doesn't deter me because 1) money is good and 2) it keeps you busy when THEY'RE busy and you have stuff to talk about. Like the others said, you picked the wrong moment to make your guy the priority. LDRs are good because we can still put ourselves first to a degree and have freedom like this. It's not like the job would have been forever, anyway, so you don't need to look at it as a permanent and restricting situation.

[Jellybean]

Maybe you could talk things over with your SO, then see if you can still get the job? might be worth asking as to whether you still have a second chance for it, if not then what you discussed with your SO could be helpful for future jobs
Im lucky for a job because my im working for my dad while im in college so I can have flexi hours...pretty helpful really. However I have just recently lost my friends because of my SO...I had a habbit of turning down offers to go out, generally to the cinema or something...but since I was over at his for the past 3 weeks, I sold my V festival ticket so I could stay a bit longer and im guessing they just got bored of me doing that. So everyone is now annoyed and ignoring me...wasnt fun to come back to in all honesty lol I wouldnt mind but one of them is in my class next year :/ so im hoping she at least forgives me.

[MoonWatcher]

I agree with everyone. I kind of got the feeling though that it was one of those jobs where it sounds wonderful, but on paper would not have worked out so great. The fact that she offered me a full-time job when she didn't even know if I was qualified and had just met me made me suspicious. Upon two hours of knowledge, I would describe her as seemingly flaky (she got a phone call during lunch and lied about where she was - if you're "the boss", you shouldn't have to do that, in my opinion). I did call my friend just a bit ago and asked her if she knew much about the position that had been offered and how long she thought it might be open, and apparently part of the criteria is state-wide travel, which I can't do (the car I'm driving is borrowed). But, even with that, it did get me thinking. I guess my question was which I wasn't able to think of earlier, Was it my own instinct about the job, or David that made me really turn it down?

[Michelle]

I turned down a job that I was offered. And this one was in Massachusetts (where Frank is). I had already moved to be with Frank for a temporary job as a flu clinic nurse but needed to find something permanent so I could stay there.

I applied for a job as a RN at a pediatrician's office and got an interview. I was beyond excited.

At the interview, the doctor and his son (also a doctor, both pediatricians in that office) asked awfully rude questions like how serious was my relationship with Frank. They wanted to know what the chances of us breaking up would be since they didn't want to hire someone who would just move back to Maine since I had no other ties in Massachusetts. I agreed to everything in the interview, I didn't want to be rude. I answered their dumb questions. But the job was only 12 hours a week, no benefits, and no benefits other other than vacation time if they were to make me a full time nurse there. Just a sucky sucky place to work and stay permanently. And they told me the only hope of me becoming full time would be if one of the other nurses quit... not something I'd want to hope for. But they really seemed to like me and were even expressing how they thought I would make a good fit in their peds office.

They didn't officially offer me the job at the interview, but they wanted to know if I really wanted to do it. I was desperate and wanted to have a real job, I had been job hunting for 9 months and was losing my medical experience... I couldn't even work as a CNA to keep up my experience, since no one would higher me for a position that would conflict with my RN license. So I told them I would definitely like to do it and was upbeat and everything.

But I had a bad gut feeling. So when they called me the next day to offer me the job, I turned it down. And the doctor was extremely rude on the phone and sounded offended. I told him that after thinking about it that the pay was too low (it was crazy low for a RN position, lower than my flu clinic job) and not enough hours. He then said more rude things like how he didn't really like me in the interview and blah blah.... Super rude!

So thank goodness I went with instinct on that one. Not to mention a few days after that interview my mom died and I had to move back home. A couple weeks after the funeral, I came back to work the shifts I signed up for the flu clinics (they were in malls and walmarts) but that lasted just a couple weeks and I had to come back home again.

When I read your first post I initially agreed with everyone else in that you shouldn't have turned down the job for your boyfriend, but after reading about the bad feelings you had when talking to this boss, I think it's a good thing you went with your instinct.

[MoonWatcher]

Thanks for the support, Michelle! That makes me feel much better about my decision

[Mio]

I belive whatever decision you made was the right one!

[paulawriteslove]

I belive whatever decision you made was the right one!

Agreed

[Tanja]

Well after your second post it's a whole dfferent story, I didn't know she was behaving suspiciously and you got a bad feeling about her and the job... If she really is that flaky and the job wouldn't have been what she said it would've been then you probably made the right decision.

[Kirschlein]

The thing i did was not pushing a job down for my SO, but not even searching for work. I skipped searching for 2 month because i didn't want to risk that the trip to Sweden gets cancelled and i don't see my hun. And to be honest, i had really luck for not looking up then, because when i came back 3 month later my company i have now phoned me and they wanted to see me. It is a really great company, one of the best and i wouldn't have had a chance to get in there if i wouldn't have had skipped it for my SO :3