Plans

[folclor]

So lately I've come to the realization that there's something I really do have an issue with in my relationship with my guy and that's to do with planning. Specifically a plan to close the distance. I know for many people, a plan to move and be together is a must have and is decided fairly early on in the relationship. In the case of my own... we never made a plan because neither of us knew enough to make a plan before...well, now, I guess. But we still don't have a concrete plan for various reasons.

So what about everyone else? Do y'all have a plan? When did you come up with the plan? If you don't, do you just take it day by day?

Generally, I do try to take it daily as things can change very quickly in 24 hours.

[squeeker]

Well... my boyfriend and I have a hypothetical plan, but our "plan" has changed many times in the time that we have known each other. So now we basically take it day by day.

I think it's good to have at least a general plan, so you are on the same plan, like if you both know you want to get married one day and a plan on who is moving where, but the plan can change really quick so I think it's best to live day by day and be flexible, but having that plan but giving it the flexibility.

For instance, my boyfriend and I are sort of waiting for us to finish our university degrees and then hopefully are able to get a good job and then we will save up for either a visa for me to go there... or maybe it will change again and we'll get a visa for him to come here. Or if we still can't, we'll stay long distance for longer while we save up and hopefully can afford visits while still saving up. So... we have to be very flexible. Compared to how it was when we first started dating and we started making plans but they would not work and we'd be devastated, and it still happens when we find something else about a particular visa or something, but we are more used to it.. so we have to be flexible!

I think having a general goal is important, but the specifics will change so you should go day by day with them!

[stormy]

I am stuggling with the same issue. My SO is not a planner, I have pretty much survived on planning ahead. I feel so uneasy not knowing, he is better with what has been refered to as "blind faith". I would not mind having a "loose plan" which we know could possibly change like anything else. I think I am going to express that need/want when I see him next.

A broad goal which we can slowly put the details together for.

[SaraHonRara]

We don´t really have a plan, we always have a plan for the next time we will see each other. I would like us to have a plan for the future, but he really cant plan longer then a week at a time. So he really can´t make some. But he always talks about that when we get married, so hopefully we will make a plan soon :-)

[differentcountries]

We do mostly loose plans. The visits for the next half year is pretty much settled, we just have to fix the dates. On weekends I will come alone, on longer stays my husband will come along. So will do his seasonal job and finish his studies, his exam dates are on my fridge. By the end of the year he might take military, or he will come here for some time. I have made him happy about planning, which I am rather proud of

[Sora1101]

My SO and I have made plans on 3 separate occasions and each time life has gotten in the way. The first plan was for me to move to him when I finished with high school, then I got a full ride scholarship to a college here and so I stayed. Plan number two was for him to move down here when I finished with school so I could further my education, then he got a terrific job offer in a field he's been dreaming of since he was little, so he stayed. Plan number three was for me to move up there when I finished my free schooling down here, we even got into looking at houses and stuff because I'll be finishing in May, then something went wrong with his taxes from like 4 years ago and he now owes a crap ton of money so neither of us can afford to move.

We're kind of done making plans so life can laugh at us and say "nope." we're playing it all by ear now.

[Dezface]

We had a pretty concrete plan for closing the distance in place once we met in person the first time. Some people don't need that, but we did. We both went into the relationship knowing we didn't want to be long distance for long. My biggest reason for that was I wanted kids (he did too, I didn't coerce him, I swear and we weren't going to go about that while apart. So it was basically a now or never situation. Luckily for us, it worked out.

[snow]

We had 2 ways planned before we even met the first time! We chose one way when he proposed to me on the second visit and now we're working on how we get it done
We both needed to have a plan at day 1 or rather a general direction where this is going. Mostly, because we knew we had to come up with a plan at some point since we're an international couple.
I admire people who can just take it day by day.. I would go crazy :P

[Lovebee]

We had a plan that involved me finishing three years of university before we did anything else. I made it through one year, dropped out and had to make a new plan - one which isn't really up and running yet. Hopefully it'll only be another month or two and our Plan B will be in motion.

[abna1]

We don't really have a plan either. It's basically that I finish my degree here and then move to him as soon as possible after that. If that means working here for another year after that or getting a job where he is. I would prefer that latter of course.
Making plans for visits is hard enough at the moment

[folclor]

I am stuggling with the same issue. My SO is not a planner, I have pretty much survived on planning ahead. I feel so uneasy not knowing, he is better with what has been refered to as "blind faith". I would not mind having a "loose plan" which we know could possibly change like anything else. I think I am going to express that need/want when I see him next.

A broad goal which we can slowly put the details together for.

Haha, I totally understand what you mean. Often times if I say something like, "Hey, when do you think we'll get to live in the same place?" he'll say, "soon ^^" which is a big step up from the "eventually" he used to give me.

[BabyGund]

Very general plan...he can retire in 3-4 years, and I should finally be able to talk to my ex-husband about moving our daughter to a foreign country, where he would not be able to see her as much as he does now.

Or when he retires, I have built up my side business enough it provides a FT income on the road and we can become snowbirds and spend 6 months here and 6 months in Canada.

So yeah, very general plans.

[TexastoFinland]

This has been a sore point for me and my SO. Since I moved here it has been like "let's see" and such. I try to make a plan and he says "how can we make a plan when there are things we dont know yet?" I fel like those are all excuses he feels like those are all realities. What can you really do if one is a strict planner (me) and he is not. I know what you mean when you say that you survived in your life by planning; that is SOO me!

I am stuggling with the same issue. My SO is not a planner, I have pretty much survived on planning ahead. I feel so uneasy not knowing, he is better with what has been refered to as "blind faith". I would not mind having a "loose plan" which we know could possibly change like anything else. I think I am going to express that need/want when I see him next.

A broad goal which we can slowly put the details together for.

[emsimes]

I often wish my SO and I had a more definite plan for our future, because I sometimes get scared that we will never close the distance. Unfortunately, that is just not possible right now. I'm still in school working on my Bachelor's degree, and my SO is currently working on getting his Master's degree. We both realize that no matter how much we love each other, our education is the most important priorities in our lives right now.

We haven't even looked into visa possibilities either, so I'm not sure what we'll even do once we graduate. It's scary and intimidating, but we really have to take things day by day. It sucks at times, but at the end of the day, my SO is completely worth it <3

[Zephii]

We made a closing the distance plan during our first visit. I don't think I could handle just dating and not knowing when or where things were going to happen. He's not as much of a planner as I am, but he had no interest in being LD a moment longer than absolutely necessary.