Feeling drained from lack of coversation...

[ChaneyAlexis]

I'll try to make this as short as possible, I tend to get wordy...

My boyfriend and I have know each other for three years and have dated for about a year and a half (two years in June). About 7 months after we started dating, he left for Navy bootcamp. Before he left we were perfectly fine, although some would say we were in the "Honeymoon stage" of our relationship then. But we never argued, we talked to each other any time we were able to, wrote each other notes, ect. Although my boyfriend is a quiet guy, we never had trouble talking over text and when we were together we had no problem making conversation. Anyways, he left for bootcamp for nine weeks and all we could do was write letters to each other and a few occasional five minute phone calls. He graduated bootcamp in April and had to stay in Illinois for his A-School for six months. We texted and skyped, although he wasn't fond of skyping because he had three other roommates around most of the time. Texting was fine, he was two hours ahead of me, but it wasn't too bad. He called about once or twice a week and texted me as soon as he was done ith school for the day. We had our rough days, I can think of a few really bad arguments we had, but we made it. After he graduated from school, he was stationed in San Diego. I'm very grateful for this since he is now about five hours from me. He came to our hometown for two weeks of leave after school and it was wonderful. We had a little spat one day, but it wasn't important. Once he got to the base, he was sent to and lived on a ship. Well the ship doesn't have reception or internet, so we talked for maybe an hour a day in between the times he would get off the ship to go to the rec center for a little bit, and then he would have to go back to shower, ect. It was really hard and it took a toll on the both of us. Him, because he was in a new place with no one he knew and he was living in a dark, cramped environment. He was stressed. For me, knowing this stressed me out and I tried to send sweet messages and pictures and just be as supportive as I could, but then the hour we'd talk while he was at the rec center, I would get no form of conversation. It would be the bare minimum, which was understandable, he was tired, stressed, ect. This lasted up until November. (he got there the end of August). Throughout those months I got upset multiple times, wrongly on my part. He felt I put too much pressure on him when I knew he was drained and it made me feel horrible and just crappy. Over all, it wasn't our best months, but again, we stuck it out. When November came, the ship had to have maintenance on it, so they moved most of everyone out into hotels. (I guess the dorms are filled...)

Fast forward to now.

So he's in a hotel by himself. The hotel has crappy phone signal, but the internet connection works fine so we Facebook a lot. I thought things were going to turn around, we'd talk more, Skype, have Netflix dates, he wouldn't be as stressed, ect. Granted, it's much better than when he was on the ship, but it's at the same time almost worse. He goes to work, goes to his hotel room, eats, sleeps, repeat. That is it. He doesn't socialize, which isn't that big of a deal to me because I'm not a people person either and he'd rather spend his time off relazing, but he sits in his room all evening and all weekend and watches movies. He will not make conversation. At all. Like the usual "how are you", "what did you do today", "I love you", "I miss you", yea, but other than that, nothing. It's frustrating because he has the time now, especially on the weekends. I send him cute texts while he's at work, good morning texts when I wake up, links I find on the internet that I come across that I think he'd like, ect. I try to make conversation with him when he's in his room, but he just says the bare minimum and then says "he's tired". Every time. Every day. He won't bring up skyping, I have to. Netflix dates are repeatedly blown off because of him being tired. And I feel terrible, because I KNOW he's tired. I know. But the fast few months I have been feeling drained from putting so much effort in and not even getting some form cute text or anything from him at all...I'm honestly feeling tossed aside a little because it feels like he talks to me when it's convenient for him. The beginning of December his work at a Christmas party. A girl who happens to live a few rooms down from him in the hotel (makes me uncomfortable...) asked him to be her date. He said yes and decided to tell me about it the night before. "So I'm taking a date to the Christmas party, just thought you should know." was what he said to me. Although I didn't care I suppose, it was his tone that hurt. I asked him why he didn't tell me sooner, and he just replied with "you weren't going to change my mind in me going, so I didn't see the point." I tried to ignore the whole thing because I didn't want an argument and I just let it go... He came home for two weeks at Christmas and there was one day where I was sobbing in his car about how he doesn't talk to me or make time for me and just saying that he doesn't make me feel important or like I mean anything to him anymore. He felt awful and told me that he would try doing better and he didn't want me to feel like that. He went back to San Diego and nothing's changed...this past month especially just feels worse and I feel like we're growing apart. He says he loves me, but it's like he doesn't show it. I don't expect to talk everyday all day, but I just wish he'd put for effort into conversation. I tried asking questions like in the 1000 thinks for LDR's to Do article, but he thought it was stupid. I feel desperate and needy for attention and I don't want to push him away, so I've been taking a step back and just sending a message in the morning saying I love him and all that, and not really pushing conversation after he's back from work. But we haven't talk hardly at all now...I've cried and cried and cried about it because I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Everytime I bring it up to him, he gets mad and says I'm acting like child and I make problems for us out of nothing. It hurts and makes me feel awful and like it's all my fault. I love him so much, and I want to see him so badly. We both want me to visit him down there, but my parents (I'm 18 in two weeks) are strict and refuse to let me see him. Pretty much if we want to see each other, he has to drive up. As of right now, he can't because he used all his leave on Christmas.

Anyways, I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I do as much as I can to make him happy and make things work, but right now I feel like the worst girlfriend and that I could be doing more but I don't know what. I'm tired, drained, and just hurt and stressed about it all. I feel like we're growing apart, but he has flat out said he doesn't see a problem and that it's all in my head.

For those of you who made through that whole thing, thank you. Any advice would be wonderful and I would really really appreciate it.

[differentcountries]

It sounds to me like work is draining for him. He does not have the need or energy to communicate with you on a detailed level. He would rather want visits, and in two weeks time you are freer to do that.

[squeeker]

Hi! Wow that's a long post. I think I got the gist of it, though I got lost a few places so forgive me if I misread something!

I find it strange that he would have accepted to take a date to the Christmas party and not tell you until the day before. Though I guess I understand because he can't take you and maybe he felt he would look awkward for not going or going alone.. but I think he could have handled it better, or at least talked to you about it first.. and tried to get out of going if he could!!

I feel kind of scared to say it.. but by the sounds of things you both are young.. it could be that he is not ready for a relationship.. he thought he was but young guys can be kinda immature from my experience in high school and stuff. Though I never dated in high school so my experience is very limited on that front. I feel like the reason he is not talking much might be because he has lots of time and is bored.. because then maybe he feels like he doesn't have anything to say because he hasn't done anything. Also maybe he's getting depressed about being in the navy.. though from reading your post, it sounds to me like he's an immature teenager!! lol.. I kind of feel like he doesn't deserve to have you if he doesn't want to put in the effort...

Try to relax.. not to message him all the time.. maybe limit it a bit to once a day or even skip a day if he doesn't feel like talking.. let him want to message you. Though remind him that you love him and also try and ask him how he is and how the navy is and if there is anything he wants to talk about you are there for him. Or if he doesn't want to talk, but you want to see his face, let him know.. maybe watch the movies with him.

I'm kind of worried about it because of you saying he took a date to the Christmas party because since he's young I'm worried he's immature and might not respect a relationship and might not respect you.. but I don't want to read that into it. I just got that gist from it. But I think you two need to have a good proper conversation about it and see where you are at.

Good luck and stay strong!

[OperaDiva]

I am very sorry you are going through this. It seems to me that he was very drained from work and it changed the relationship between you. Remember, it takes two! As much as you bang your head against the wall, it won't come down unless he is hitting it from the other side (I know, terrible analogy, but I'm on my way to class atm).
By the way, I think the fact that he did not tell you about going to the party with a date was a terrible form on his side. Your feelings were hurt and you had the right in that case imo.
I would suggest backing out a little and figuring out your own feelings and needs. It is not too much to expect some effort on his side or some small gestures, even in a 5 minute convo the right person can make you feel special with the right words. Think about it, calm down and when you are ready, ask to speak seriously to him. Good luck!

[CanadianGirl]

I understand him wanting to maximize his relaxation time after work, but trying to brush off the communication problem by saying you're "creating" it instead of addressing it...makes him seem pretty young, relationship-wise. I'd say the same thing about the Christmas party situation. It's the kind of thing were a little thoughtful conversation would avoid a world of hurt.

You could try scheduling a time to spend with each other, once or twice a week (ex. a long skype date on weekends)?

[itsjen516]

Only thing that bothers me is that he is always that tired I get it what he does can be tiring but enough to not talk a lot yet still can sit in a room and watch movies ? That sounds weird to me and if I were you I wouldn't put up with it. He's saying he loves you but why not show it.
Also why would he take a girl out as a date ... If my fiancé did that to me I would be done !
Have you at all thought about taking a small brake and see what happens ? Since it seems he dosnt wanna talk much idk this is tricky and I don't want to say the wrong thing but when I hear things like this it just ticks me off :-/ how could a person not put in the effort.
Idk for me personally I wouldn't put up with it and just end it I don't need that stress in my life and the "tired" thing wouldn't work for me

[differentcountries]

Oh, when I am tired watching movies is pretty much all I have the energy to do. I rewind by not talking to anyone. That is not strange at all if you are introvert, which op indicate that her so is. Taking his college on a date sounds almost like a work thing. Though he seems clearly clumsy in how to talk to op about it. I guess it will take some of the other military people on this site to say what you should expect in a military LDR.

[sarahjane1992]

I'm sorry you're in this tough situation. A relationship takes effort of both people. From reading your post it sounds like your SO isn't willing to put some or any effort into it. I can't help but agree with everyone else.
Also the fact that your SO took another girl as his date to the christmas party really bothers me.
If my SO even thought of doing that, I'd rethink the relationship. In my eyes, that's a violation of trust.
I hope your SO will open up and finally talk about the issues you're having.
Good luck and keep us posted!

[squeeker]

Oh, when I am tired watching movies is pretty much all I have the energy to do. I rewind by not talking to anyone. That is not strange at all if you are introvert, which op indicate that her so is. Taking his college on a date sounds almost like a work thing. Though he seems clearly clumsy in how to talk to op about it. I guess it will take some of the other military people on this site to say what you should expect in a military LDR.

But then when you are an introvert in a relationship with another introvert, and you have been together a few years and are comfortable with each other, then that person can become someone who you can be your whole self around and who you want to talk to (or be online at the same time but not talk to but be comforted because you know they are there) even if you want to wind down and be alone.. at least in my case with my SO.. talking with him and being online with him or being in person with him, is almost as comfortable as being on my own, if not more because he helps me feel safe and calm my mind if I get anxious.

I think maybe he could feel like it's too much effort to make a skype call if he feels he has to talk the whole time or come up with clever things to say or be really romantic or charming.. maybe ChaneyAlexis could suggest a video call without as much pressure, like playing a game or watching a movie together or just being online with him, on webcam, while he watches movies.. that way she could feel connected with him while he is winding down, but he doesn't have to worry about talking when he's tired.

[ChaneyAlexis]

First of all, thank you for all the replies! I read through my post again, and oh my soul that was long. I apologize for that...

It sounds to me like work is draining for him. He does not have the need or energy to communicate with you on a detailed level. He would rather want visits, and in two weeks time you are freer to do that.

DifferentCountries, to me I think we both prefer visits, but I guess is just bothers me that he knows we can't do visits right now due to my parents and that even though he knows that, he doesn't try to work with what we have. If that makes sense.

Hi! Wow that's a long post. I think I got the gist of it, though I got lost a few places so forgive me if I misread something!

I find it strange that he would have accepted to take a date to the Christmas party and not tell you until the day before. Though I guess I understand because he can't take you and maybe he felt he would look awkward for not going or going alone.. but I think he could have handled it better, or at least talked to you about it first.. and tried to get out of going if he could!!

I feel kind of scared to say it.. but by the sounds of things you both are young.. it could be that he is not ready for a relationship.. he thought he was but young guys can be kinda immature from my experience in high school and stuff. Though I never dated in high school so my experience is very limited on that front. I feel like the reason he is not talking much might be because he has lots of time and is bored.. because then maybe he feels like he doesn't have anything to say because he hasn't done anything. Also maybe he's getting depressed about being in the navy.. though from reading your post, it sounds to me like he's an immature teenager!! lol.. I kind of feel like he doesn't deserve to have you if he doesn't want to put in the effort...

Try to relax.. not to message him all the time.. maybe limit it a bit to once a day or even skip a day if he doesn't feel like talking.. let him want to message you. Though remind him that you love him and also try and ask him how he is and how the navy is and if there is anything he wants to talk about you are there for him. Or if he doesn't want to talk, but you want to see his face, let him know.. maybe watch the movies with him.

I'm kind of worried about it because of you saying he took a date to the Christmas party because since he's young I'm worried he's immature and might not respect a relationship and might not respect you.. but I don't want to read that into it. I just got that gist from it. But I think you two need to have a good proper conversation about it and see where you are at.

Good luck and stay strong!

Squeeker, I'm sorry about the long post! Haha, sometimes when I rant I get reallllly wordy... The Christmas party thing is I overall wouldn't have cared about, I took a date to my Prom last year while he was gone. However, I talked to him about it and let him know every detail about what was happening. Plus he knew my date. The fact that my SO didn't remotely care or feel like I should have known before hand bothered me. About the immaturity thing too, he is 21 and I am almost 18, both of us never being in an actual relationship before. He has told me before that he just doesn't have anything to say and is sick of saying the same thing over and over again. "Hi, how are you?" "Good, how about you?" Ect. I completely understand that, it does get boring. But he makes me feel stupid when I try to bring new stuff up to talk about. It's like he just doesn't want or feel the need to talk at all...I'll try taking a step back and see if that helps, I'm just worried that then he will think I'm perfectly fine with minimum communication as well...

I am very sorry you are going through this. It seems to me that he was very drained from work and it changed the relationship between you. Remember, it takes two! As much as you bang your head against the wall, it won't come down unless he is hitting it from the other side (I know, terrible analogy, but I'm on my way to class atm).
By the way, I think the fact that he did not tell you about going to the party with a date was a terrible form on his side. Your feelings were hurt and you had the right in that case imo.
I would suggest backing out a little and figuring out your own feelings and needs. It is not too much to expect some effort on his side or some small gestures, even in a 5 minute convo the right person can make you feel special with the right words. Think about it, calm down and when you are ready, ask to speak seriously to him. Good luck!

I have thought a lot about Skyping and just telling him what my thoughts are and maybe compromising or something...I tend to get emotional though when I have brought it up before, and it makes him mad, so I'm waiting until I know I can say everything without getting upset.

I understand him wanting to maximize his relaxation time after work, but trying to brush off the communication problem by saying you're "creating" it instead of addressing it...makes him seem pretty young, relationship-wise. I'd say the same thing about the Christmas party situation. It's the kind of thing were a little thoughtful conversation would avoid a world of hurt.

You could try scheduling a time to spend with each other, once or twice a week (ex. a long skype date on weekends)?

I like the scheduling idea. Even if we didn't talk persay, we could watch a movie and just "be together" in a way.

I'm sorry you're in this tough situation. A relationship takes effort of both people. From reading your post it sounds like your SO isn't willing to put some or any effort into it. I can't help but agree with everyone else.
Also the fact that your SO took another girl as his date to the christmas party really bothers me.
If my SO even thought of doing that, I'd rethink the relationship. In my eyes, that's a violation of trust.
I hope your SO will open up and finally talk about the issues you're having.
Good luck and keep us posted!

Thank you! I'll try talking to him and see what happens...

Oh, when I am tired watching movies is pretty much all I have the energy to do. I rewind by not talking to anyone. That is not strange at all if you are introvert, which op indicate that her so is. Taking his college on a date sounds almost like a work thing. Though he seems clearly clumsy in how to talk to op about it. I guess it will take some of the other military people on this site to say what you should expect in a military LDR.

I understand him needing his "me time", but this is an everyday thing. He is constantly tired from work. It doesn't matter if he get's off early, has a four day weekend, he's always "tired". I would understand him not talking if he was busy going out with his friends, but I don't get how he can't put any effort when he's just sitting on his bed browsing the interwebs...

Only thing that bothers me is that he is always that tired I get it what he does can be tiring but enough to not talk a lot yet still can sit in a room and watch movies ? That sounds weird to me and if I were you I wouldn't put up with it. He's saying he loves you but why not show it.
Also why would he take a girl out as a date ... If my fiancé did that to me I would be done !
Have you at all thought about taking a small brake and see what happens ? Since it seems he dosnt wanna talk much idk this is tricky and I don't want to say the wrong thing but when I hear things like this it just ticks me off :-/ how could a person not put in the effort.
Idk for me personally I wouldn't put up with it and just end it I don't need that stress in my life and the "tired" thing wouldn't work for me

A few of my friends have told me to take a break, I'm leary about it because I've never heard any success stories with breaks...:/

But then when you are an introvert in a relationship with another introvert, and you have been together a few years and are comfortable with each other, then that person can become someone who you can be your whole self around and who you want to talk to (or be online at the same time but not talk to but be comforted because you know they are there) even if you want to wind down and be alone.. at least in my case with my SO.. talking with him and being online with him or being in person with him, is almost as comfortable as being on my own, if not more because he helps me feel safe and calm my mind if I get anxious.

I think maybe he could feel like it's too much effort to make a skype call if he feels he has to talk the whole time or come up with clever things to say or be really romantic or charming.. maybe ChaneyAlexis could suggest a video call without as much pressure, like playing a game or watching a movie together or just being online with him, on webcam, while he watches movies.. that way she could feel connected with him while he is winding down, but he doesn't have to worry about talking when he's tired.

YES. Honestly, that's my exact thought process. I love talking to him no matter what and my alone time I'm always trying to talk to him. There are very few times that I feel the need to tell him that I'm going to stop talking and relax on my own, because I can relax just as much with talking to him. I really want to have a Netflix date with him and watch a movie, but everytime I ask, he blows it off. I will try bringing it up again and say that we don't really have to talk, but just watch the movie...

Thank you all again so much for the replies! It means a lot and a lot of stress has already been taken off by just typing all my feelings down.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I would like to offer a military member's perspective on your and his situation:

So I am stationed in Alaska thousands of miles from anyone I knew before. I've been here for a little more than a year and a half and will not leave until June 2015. Single (non-married) members live in the dorms until they sew on E-4, although I was allowed to move out when I was an E-3 due to the dorms being 100% full and PCS season coming up. I was able to move off after only 10 months of being here. I only knew 3 people here, 2 I was in technical school with and 1 was in my flight at basic training. I thought it would be easy to meet people, make friends, and get out there...wrong! I can tell you that it is extremely difficult being in this situation! Most would not fully understand unless they experience something similar.

Work can be extremely stressful and not only your day to day job but also what goes along with being in the military. It's a 24/7 job and I am tired, stressed, and lonely that amount of time! Leave is a precious thing and that is the only time you can get a good break! I'm sorry that he has used all of his up and that your parents won't let you visit him. All I can say is that he does isolated. It can happen easily once people think that someone doesn't want to hang out with them; they quit offering or never offer in the first place, like in my situation. Living in the dorms was not horrible but there's a lot more freedom living off base and being able to have some separation. I cannot imagine what it would be like to live on a ship while stateside. I think you need to consider these things too. He could feel even more stressed by your relationship, which is the wrong way to feel. I can't know though.

As for you feeling drained too, it sounds like you're doing a ton which is almost counterproductive if he's not responding. I know for me, it makes me feel suffocated and like I need space because the person will not give me time to myself. I think that if you do less things, both of you will feel better. I think it is worth a shot. I do hope things improve and maybe just having a short phone call or skype would help you both. Then there's no feeling like you have make a ton of conversation.

[differentcountries]

But then when you are an introvert in a relationship with another introvert, and you have been together a few years and are comfortable with each other, then that person can become someone who you can be your whole self around and who you want to talk to (or be online at the same time but not talk to but be comforted because you know they are there) even if you want to wind down and be alone.. at least in my case with my SO..

I see what you mean and most of the time I am like that with my husband but me and so do not yet hang online. I am a fan of touring, though. I loved to "see" his place even before I went and now that I have been there, I like it even more. And his workplace is where we met, so I love when he Skype from there is hours are slow. Maybe op could show her his flat or somewhere at work. Or getting her engaged in those movies he is seing. Me and my husband have a netflix membership and it is possable to get more people on it, on the same account. That way if i see a good movie i can tip so of it and he would also get acess to it. I think there are ways to watch together, too, but I have not really figured that out yet

[ChaneyAlexis]

I would like to offer a military member's perspective on your and his situation:

So I am stationed in Alaska thousands of miles from anyone I knew before. I've been here for a little more than a year and a half and will not leave until June 2015. Single (non-married) members live in the dorms until they sew on E-4, although I was allowed to move out when I was an E-3 due to the dorms being 100% full and PCS season coming up. I was able to move off after only 10 months of being here. I only knew 3 people here, 2 I was in technical school with and 1 was in my flight at basic training. I thought it would be easy to meet people, make friends, and get out there...wrong! I can tell you that it is extremely difficult being in this situation! Most would not fully understand unless they experience something similar.

Work can be extremely stressful and not only your day to day job but also what goes along with being in the military. It's a 24/7 job and I am tired, stressed, and lonely that amount of time! Leave is a precious thing and that is the only time you can get a good break! I'm sorry that he has used all of his up and that your parents won't let you visit him. All I can say is that he does isolated. It can happen easily once people think that someone doesn't want to hang out with them; they quit offering or never offer in the first place, like in my situation. Living in the dorms was not horrible but there's a lot more freedom living off base and being able to have some separation. I cannot imagine what it would be like to live on a ship while stateside. I think you need to consider these things too. He could feel even more stressed by your relationship, which is the wrong way to feel. I can't know though.

As for you feeling drained too, it sounds like you're doing a ton which is almost counterproductive if he's not responding. I know for me, it makes me feel suffocated and like I need space because the person will not give me time to myself. I think that if you do less things, both of you will feel better. I think it is worth a shot. I do hope things improve and maybe just having a short phone call or skype would help you both. Then there's no feeling like you have make a ton of conversation.

Thank you so much for your perspective! I don't want to stress him out with our relationship, and I definitely don't want to suffocate him. I guess when he doesn't talk to me, I get clingier, like I'm worried something is wrong. I know his job and the whole situation stresses him out, I'll start taking a few steps back to give him his space. I want him to *want* to talk to me, not just humor me because I'm pushing him...Thank you again for your perspective, I definitely needed a little in sight on what he is going through as well.

[squeeker]

I see what you mean and most of the time I am like that with my husband but me and so do not yet hang online. I am a fan of touring, though. I loved to "see" his place even before I went and now that I have been there, I like it even more. And his workplace is where we met, so I love when he Skype from there is hours are slow. Maybe op could show her his flat or somewhere at work. Or getting her engaged in those movies he is seing. Me and my husband have a netflix membership and it is possable to get more people on it, on the same account. That way if i see a good movie i can tip so of it and he would also get acess to it. I think there are ways to watch together, too, but I have not really figured that out yet

Yeah okay that makes sense then, you are the same as me then, once you get comfortable in a relationship then you can just hang out. I love seeing my partner's place too, or when his dog comes online, or when he sends me pictures he took at uni or around where he lives, and I've done similar for him. I think that you are right, that kind of thing might help ChaneyAlexis and her partner connect more, if he's up for it, because she could take pictures or videos of where she is, and he could take pictures and videos where he is and show their environments even if they aren't skyping, and when they do skype then they can show each other too. I've walked around with my laptop around the house before to show my partner around. :P And we do everything on webcam when we are both online and our computers and internets are working properly. It is a good idea with Netflix, though my partner and I don't use it. But we watch videos on YouTube or elsewhere. Or a lot of times we like to watch documentaries together, or comedians and things, or he will share music with me.

I think ChaneyAlexis's partner is probably kind of depressed right now or something and maybe that's why he is not wanting to talk much. Which can be tough but hopefully they can work through it. I hope he will be receptive to some of these ideas.

First of all, thank you for all the replies! I read through my post again, and oh my soul that was long. I apologize for that...

Squeeker, I'm sorry about the long post! Haha, sometimes when I rant I get reallllly wordy... The Christmas party thing is I overall wouldn't have cared about, I took a date to my Prom last year while he was gone. However, I talked to him about it and let him know every detail about what was happening. Plus he knew my date. The fact that my SO didn't remotely care or feel like I should have known before hand bothered me. About the immaturity thing too, he is 21 and I am almost 18, both of us never being in an actual relationship before. He has told me before that he just doesn't have anything to say and is sick of saying the same thing over and over again. "Hi, how are you?" "Good, how about you?" Ect. I completely understand that, it does get boring. But he makes me feel stupid when I try to bring new stuff up to talk about. It's like he just doesn't want or feel the need to talk at all...I'll try taking a step back and see if that helps, I'm just worried that then he will think I'm perfectly fine with minimum communication as well...

YES. Honestly, that's my exact thought process. I love talking to him no matter what and my alone time I'm always trying to talk to him. There are very few times that I feel the need to tell him that I'm going to stop talking and relax on my own, because I can relax just as much with talking to him. I really want to have a Netflix date with him and watch a movie, but everytime I ask, he blows it off. I will try bringing it up again and say that we don't really have to talk, but just watch the movie...

Thank you all again so much for the replies! It means a lot and a lot of stress has already been taken off by just typing all my feelings down.

Hey, it's okay, I understand the tendency to ramble, I do it sometimes too. I'm glad you posted though. Sometimes when I ramble I end up deleting the whole thing because I feel I should cut it shorter but I can't figure out how much I need to say, and what is unnecessary!

Okay I guess the Christmas party thing wasn't so bad though, since you took a date to your prom, it's good at least that you aren't holding a double standard where it was okay for you to bring a date to prom but not him take a date to the Christmas party. Though he still should have told you more about it, rather than just say the day before!!

I think it does make it more complicated that you both haven't been in a relationship before, though really it just means you both are discovering being in a relationship for the first time, so it's also exciting and everything is new for you both. I wasn't in a relationship before my boyfriend, but my boyfriend had a few shorter relationships before me so he knew a bit more of what he was doing, but I think it was still kinda new for both of us, especially because now this is his longest too.

I think that you two are stuck in a bit of a rut.. not a bad thing.. it happens in most relationships and LDRs maybe especially since communication seems even more important.. though communication is a skill that is important for all relationships obviously!!

Maybe you can tell him that you will give him a break.. not message as much for a few days.. but remind him you are doing it for him, but you want to talk to him, and when he's ready, that you would like to talk more but try and put off the pressure.. and tell him that you would like to just "hang out" online with him, watch him watch a movie on Netflix. I don't understand why he would be fine watching movies by himself but would blow off a chance to watch it with you.. and then you can talk about it afterwards.. or some other time if he's really tired. Maybe he thinks you will talk during the movie. :P I don't know if you are a talker. Or maybe he wants to watch a movie that he's afraid you won't like? Maybe, if you haven't already, tell him he can pick the movie, and you will be happy with whatever it is?

I'm glad it has already helped you a lot to write it down and I hope that things get better soon and you can have a Netflix date or play a game or have some good conversation or watch him watch a movie or something. Stay strong.

[piratemama]

This sounds like a similar problem I had with my SO some time back. He and I were doing fine, then it seemed that he backed off. There came a month that I realized he was calling much less and talking less in each call. He seemed distant. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, but an article I read helped. The article was about using social media too much and how we shouldn't feel the need to text too often. Guys often need to do the chasing. They are wired to conquer and such, plus they aren't as emotionally wired as we girls are. When I backed off emails (I don't text) and stopped sending him pics and links as much, it gave us more to share when we talked. Everything immediately improved.

I still have to work on it, because I so want to connect with him. Right after a Skype call, I feel a strong desire to email him again. I would cling to him like velcro, but he needs space. I often find myself fighting a desire to send a link to something, because I'm always thinking of my SO and wanting to share everything. It didn't work when I did it before, so I try not to now. I'll send some items, even pics, but I try to limit it a great deal. I'll save email links and share via screen share on Skype. This gives us more to talk about over Skype, and it's way more fun to hear/see his reaction.

I really think I overloaded my SO with too many words and too much info. We ended up with nothing to talk about when he called.

If you try to back off the communication some, be careful not to make it look like you are mad. Hopefully, he will be interested in what is going on with you and talk more to you, if you try less messages. It might not work for all, but it definitely worked for me. Also, make sure you are busy with your own life, and never give him the idea you are sitting around hoping to hear from him.

Good luck.