Should I be upset?

[Maxattack]

Okay well this summer I asked my gf to go on vacation with me to be a plus one for my sibling's wedding in another state.
The second I bring up her coming with me, she realizes she can go see her friend about an hour away and suggests that she can stay and hang out with her for part of the trip (which is only about a weekend).

I'm upset because I had invited her on vacation to meet my family and to be with me (especially us being long-distance and all) but it seems like she's more excited to see her friend (granted she hasn't seen her in a couple years) than to be with me and my family. It's especially upsetting to me because the vacation won't be for very long and she plans to spend a good part of it with her friend. And I feel like she would never go to see her friend unless an opportunity like this comes around.

Is it petty for me to be upset?

Thank you for your help.

[snow_girl]

Have you talked to her about it? Clearly you are upset about it, you don't need to come looking for validation here. Tell her how you feel.

[Maxattack]

Well yes, I am upset about the situation. But I feel like I'm not necessarily being fair.
I suppose I am looking for a little validation, but more on whether it's really worth getting upset over.
I feel like I get upset over small things a lot and I'm just trying to figure out whether I'm being unfair...

Thank you for the quick response!

[squeeker]

Yeah I agree that you should talk to her and tell her how you feel.. that it isn't a very long time and you were looking forward to being with her and introducing her to your family.

I think maybe she could be more understanding because it is such a short time.. and she should be able to make plans to see her friend another time if it's important to her.. especially if you both live in the USA as I'm guessing by the wedding in "another state" thing.

I do think you should discuss this with her.. see where she's coming from.. but let her know how you feel too..communication is key..

[Chris516]

Okay well this summer I asked my gf to go on vacation with me to be a plus one for my sibling's wedding in another state.
The second I bring up her coming with me, she realizes she can go see her friend about an hour away and suggests that she can stay and hang out with her for part of the trip (which is only about a weekend).

I'm upset because I had invited her on vacation to meet my family and to be with me (especially us being long-distance and all) but it seems like she's more excited to see her friend (granted she hasn't seen her in a couple years) than to be with me and my family. It's especially upsetting to me because the vacation won't be for very long and she plans to spend a good part of it with her friend. And I feel like she would never go to see her friend unless an opportunity like this comes around.

Is it petty for me to be upset?

Thank you for your help.

I agree with you. I would be upset too.

[OperaDiva]

I'm going to play the devil's advocate here. My friends are really important to me and if a guy were to give me an ultimatum to choose between them than that would be a huge red flag for me, or even a deal-breaker. If it is a close friend that she hasn't seen for so long, then I think it is normal she is excited. Yes, meeting your family is important, but it is also a lot of pressure, and meeting her friend would be fun and relaxing.
If you do talk to her about it, I would advise against attacking her on this.

[BlueCat]

I can understand why it would certainly be upsetting, but I think it's something you may need to work out to be ok with. You need to figure out how much time she plans to spend with her friend and try and work out something that will be good for you both in terms of time spent together and time meeting your family, and time spent with her friend. I would be pretty upset if my SO didn't let me see a friend I hadn't seen in years and I was going to be very nearby.

[dragonlady]

i would be upset too, cant her friend come over to where your staying for a few hours?
but like everybody else say talk to her let her know how this make you feel

[Maxattack]

I can understand why it would certainly be upsetting, but I think it's something you may need to work out to be ok with. You need to figure out how much time she plans to spend with her friend and try and work out something that will be good for you both in terms of time spent together and time meeting your family, and time spent with her friend. I would be pretty upset if my SO didn't let me see a friend I hadn't seen in years and I was going to be very nearby.

Thank you for your honesty.

I would never attack her nor would I ever make her pick sides or anything. (Though there are things about this friend that I won't get into much detail, but basically I don't really think she's a good friend to her, that's beyond the point though and don't discourage her or anything for being friends with her).

Anyway, while I see your perspective I would not mind much that she spends time with her friend if it were a part of the day or even a whole day but she plans on being there a good portion of the vacation (at least a third of it).

But of course I need see her perspective as well. I suppose I just need to explore my feelings about it more.

i would be upset too, cant her friend come over to where your staying for a few hours?
but like everybody else say talk to her let her know how this make you feel

I appreciate your view!

I can understand why it would certainly be upsetting, but I think it's something you may need to work out to be ok with. You need to figure out how much time she plans to spend with her friend and try and work out something that will be good for you both in terms of time spent together and time meeting your family, and time spent with her friend. I would be pretty upset if my SO didn't let me see a friend I hadn't seen in years and I was going to be very nearby.

I definitely see your point! Like I said I wouldn't be upset if she didn't stayed with her too long, but I think it is a good decision to talk about about how much time she wants to spend with her! Thank you!

[Zephii]

And I feel like she would never go to see her friend unless an opportunity like this comes around.

She probably feels like this too which is why she's trying to take advantage of the situation. I do think you're being unreasonble, even though I know I'd be feeling disapointed if I were you. The first time Obi came to my country to see me, he took a couple of weeks out of our visit to see someone else in another state, and I hated it. It turned out to be a good thing for our relationship though.
Give her the support she needs and realise this is a big opportunity for her. Better that she go and see this friend and return thinking you're the best guy on earth, than she doesn't go, regrets it and resents you for holding her back.

[itsjen516]

Talk to her she prob got over excited and saw it as a chance to also see her friend she may not have even thiught about it. If she still dosnt see the issue after taking it out maybe it's best to not bring her on the trip if she dosnt care enough

[differentcountries]

Weddings are intense. You probably need her there. It will be nice for her to see a friend, but unless you can make the trip longer I don't see how she will have time for more than a lunch with her.

[piratemama]

Always good to communicate what you are feeling, if you are careful how you do it. Just tell her how much you need her by your side as much as possible.

In reading your post, I immediately had a thought from another angle. It's possible she feels intimidated about meeting your family and not having much support. She may be thinking it would be good to have somewhere else to go, if everything got too intense. I'm sure she does want to be with you and meet your family, and it is normal for her to want to see her friend. Maybe she doesn't know how much you need her with you.

Good luck. Huge family gatherings, even my own, terrify me. I can't imagine having to meet my SO's family in such a situation.

[Hollandia]

Relationships are all about compromise. This is just the first of a million times the two of you will face needing to stop and think how this will not only affect you but your partner as well. I would say in this instance you are both right. This friend might be someone she feels is slipping away and now not lost to her. You are her man and she might feel more like it is a no brainer that you are a permanent fixture in her life. She will see your family at the wedding events and so in her mind she most likely there's nothing wrong with this.

OTOH, I see your point too. You have expectations of Hollywood scenes where her and your family spend the weekend inseparable and getting along like gangbusters. This might happen, or it might be somewhat awkward for part of the time. No idea until it happens perhaps.

I think you should have an honest conversation about how you feel about this and about how she feels about this. Listen to her and she should listen to your concerns and then the two of you as a loving mature couple will figure out a way to make both sides happy. Unless you are millionaires this is what a future will be, from what groceries get bought to who is responsible for rearing the children primarily to which pets you get and where you spend your vacation time.

[aojeda50]

heck yea you have the right to be upset. I was getting upset reading this. I understand if it was for a small part of a day ro something, but this whole trip was meant for you two. not her and her friend.