It''s over... Officially.

[BigMatt93]

Anjeda - Yeah.. It sucks. We just started growing apart and we started having some issues that we just couldn't resolve. I'm going to take it a day at a time and see what the future has in store and thank you for your kind words and support.

Chris516 - Your welcome! Feel free to message anytime. I might not answer back right away, but if you message me, I'll make sure I respond as soon as I possibly can.

Chelleni - Thank you. If you want me to be honest.. This is the first time after a break up where I just feel "weird" for lack of a better term. I'm not as sad as I thought I would be over the situation and unless the emotions creep up on me in a few days like they usually do, I just don't feel that sadness this time. Maybe it's because of everything that went on in the relationship with all the weight and expectations being put on my shoulders. Maybe I'm more relieved then anything. I'm not really sure. I just know that it's not necessarily a normal way to feel after a break up. Usually somebody would get upset, But honestly I just kind of feel "Meh, It's over. Don't worry about it anymore". Anything I can help ya out with?

[daveandolga]

So the question that comes up for me regarding this situation is how does a couple get past this or work with it because I have had many relationships...in fact, every single relationship I would say where we are in "2 different places in our lives and having 2 different sets of needs.". I'm sure this is common as it's probably virtually impossible for a couple to ALWAYS be on the same page with their needs and be in the exact same places in their lives. This is the type of thing that makes me wonder if ANYONE is capable of having a life long relationship anymore.

I'm not, at all, insulting or criticizing Matt for his situation and how he's decided to handle it...it's just a question I wanted to pose to see what type of ideas, answers, philosophies we would get from everyone here. Just trying to create some deep conversation and thought around this because I'm sure Matt is not the first or last one to encounter this.

Thanks everyone.

[BigMatt93]

DaveandOlga - It's a matter of having 2 partners who are willing to fight to keep what they have. In my situation... As much as I didn't want it to be an issue, It honestly came down to our age gap and that's where I was coming from with my "2 different partners with 2 different sets of needs." I'm a 20 year old college student in the second semester of Emergency Med Tech School and I just had my first ride along tonight. On top of my ride a longs and field training days, I also have commitments I have to keep with the firehouse on top of my class, classwork, homework, and studying. I have a lot on my plate right now. Where as my SO is 33 and fairly settled into her career and life. She forgets what it's like to be the college kid and everything that being "the college kid" entails. She got used to the fact that when I first moved back home to Nebraska, the first quarter of EMT school was a good couple weeks away and I hadn't found a job yet. I was bored most of the days so it was nice to be able to spend all ngiht every single night for months on end on the phone with her all night, and I warned her... "When school starts, I won't have as much free time anymore, are you prepared to handle that?" Of course her comment was "Yeah! Yeah! That's okay, I can handle that!" but now that she's seen how much of my time has to be devoted to school commitments and fire department commitments, she refuses to acknowledge that I warned her up front about my schedule and my free time becoming limited but in her mind "It doesn't matter because I KNOW you could find a little bit of free time to text me or call me." and you know what? I give her that 100%... But the rare occasion I get a day off, All I want to do is sit around in my sweat pants, relax, watch a few movies, and not think/worry about doing anything or talking to anyone.

and I know you weren't trying to be insulting, So no worries

[Hollandia]

It makes sense and also when you love someone and miss them when you have that rare time off, you want to spend most of it with them. My BF had several months of work and school long hours but he always made time for us. When you meet the right person and you have 5 hours a week off, you spend over half of it with them not as an obligation but because it hurts not too.

[BigMatt93]

Hollandia - I can understand that. I guess that's where we really fell apart. She was putting all of the communication responsibility over my head. I use to love talking to her every night all night, but after doing that for several months nonstop, even the most talkative person would run out of new interesting things to talk about. I'm not a very talkative person to begin with, nor have I ever been. So it was all fine for awhile but after a good 40 minutes or so, I run out of stuff to talk about and then she would fall asleep on me and if the phones disconnected or I hung up for any reason, She'd wake up almost instantly and call me right back and make the remark "You hung up/got disconnected, you know I can't sleep without you being on the phone with me" which use to be awesome for me. But to have somebody get themselves in such a mindset that they actually think that they can't sleep just because your not on the phone with them, is a little outrageous to me. What'd she do before she met me? It also eats at me that it was MY responsibility and solely my responsibility. You want me to call you and talk to you until you fall asleep? That's absolutely fine but don't be so damn selfish about it. Don't sit there in silence while I entertain you and then when I run out of stuff to talk about and quit talking, don't ride me with remarks like "baby!! Your suppose to be talking to me! Talk to me! What ya so quiet for? Y'know I can't go back to sleep until you start talking" Yet whenever I had a bad night/didn't want to talk but I called her anyway and told her I was in no mood to do all the talking, it still fell into my lap. When I had a bad night then I got treated like I was just being childish and worrisome. Sorry I get stressed out over school, It hasn't been exactly easy for me thus far and it's been a struggle to get to where I am. It also bugs the hell out of me to know that she thinks that I procrastinate and leave all my school work/ commitment priorities until last minute and then decide to do them all at once, Which isn't the case. I can't live with my head in my freaking emergency med book and I can't worry about school constantly. There's times where I didn't do my homework immediately and saved it until later in the week and then did it a few days before it was due, Or times when I chose to study continuously. But apparently according to her, I'm causing my own problems because I choose to leave everything until the last minute. I have to keep my head in my book to a certain degree, and then there's times where I don't even like looking at my homework and my book because I just need a break and choose to do the stuff a night before it's due or pull an all nighter so I'm ready for a test the next day.

I almost feel like she always use to get mad at me because I'm too busy. That's not my fault... I have a lot of stuff going on. Did I have to apply for the fire department? No.. Did I want to? Hell yeah! it's been a dream of mine ever since I was 5 years old. Did I have to attend every training? If I wanted to make it to next weeks meeting with a high possibility of being hired on, Hell yeah I had to go to every meeting. I can't control the fact that 3-4 and sometimes 5 out of 7 days of the week, I have commitments I have to keep during the times that we usually talk. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about that, and I always felt like it pissed her off because in her mind, again... I was intentionally doing stuff not to stress myself out, but then it switched to "Your intentionally making all these commitments so you don't have to talk to me at night anymore." I've NEVER said that to her. I just felt like no matter what I did throughout the relationship, I was in the wrong... I was the asshole, I was the jerk, and I was the insensitive one. On top of having all the responsibility of keeping our relationship a float because she would rather lay back and act like royalty while I had all this shit going on in my life on top of the mental and emotional toll of running a relationship by myself with no help.

[Hollandia]

Hollandia - I can understand that. I guess that's where we really fell apart. She was putting all of the communication responsibility over my head. I use to love talking to her every night all night, but after doing that for several months nonstop, even the most talkative person would run out of new interesting things to talk about. I'm not a very talkative person to begin with, nor have I ever been. So it was all fine for awhile but after a good 40 minutes or so, I run out of stuff to talk about and then she would fall asleep on me and if the phones disconnected or I hung up for any reason, She'd wake up almost instantly and call me right back and make the remark "You hung up/got disconnected, you know I can't sleep without you being on the phone with me" which use to be awesome for me. But to have somebody get themselves in such a mindset that they actually think that they can't sleep just because your not on the phone with them, is a little outrageous to me. What'd she do before she met me? It also eats at me that it was MY responsibility and solely my responsibility. You want me to call you and talk to you until you fall asleep? That's absolutely fine but don't be so damn selfish about it. Don't sit there in silence while I entertain you and then when I run out of stuff to talk about and quit talking, don't ride me with remarks like "baby!! Your suppose to be talking to me! Talk to me! What ya so quiet for? Y'know I can't go back to sleep until you start talking" Yet whenever I had a bad night/didn't want to talk but I called her anyway and told her I was in no mood to do all the talking, it still fell into my lap. When I had a bad night then I got treated like I was just being childish and worrisome. Sorry I get stressed out over school, It hasn't been exactly easy for me thus far and it's been a struggle to get to where I am. It also bugs the hell out of me to know that she thinks that I procrastinate and leave all my school work/ commitment priorities until last minute and then decide to do them all at once, Which isn't the case. I can't live with my head in my freaking emergency med book and I can't worry about school constantly. There's times where I didn't do my homework immediately and saved it until later in the week and then did it a few days before it was due, Or times when I chose to study continuously. But apparently according to her, I'm causing my own problems because I choose to leave everything until the last minute. I have to keep my head in my book to a certain degree, and then there's times where I don't even like looking at my homework and my book because I just need a break and choose to do the stuff a night before it's due or pull an all nighter so I'm ready for a test the next day.

I almost feel like she always use to get mad at me because I'm too busy. That's not my fault... I have a lot of stuff going on. Did I have to apply for the fire department? No.. Did I want to? Hell yeah! it's been a dream of mine ever since I was 5 years old. Did I have to attend every training? If I wanted to make it to next weeks meeting with a high possibility of being hired on, Hell yeah I had to go to every meeting. I can't control the fact that 3-4 and sometimes 5 out of 7 days of the week, I have commitments I have to keep during the times that we usually talk. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about that, and I always felt like it pissed her off because in her mind, again... I was intentionally doing stuff not to stress myself out, but then it switched to "Your intentionally making all these commitments so you don't have to talk to me at night anymore." I've NEVER said that to her. I just felt like no matter what I did throughout the relationship, I was in the wrong... I was the asshole, I was the jerk, and I was the insensitive one. On top of having all the responsibility of keeping our relationship a float because she would rather lay back and act like royalty while I had all this shit going on in my life on top of the mental and emotional toll of running a relationship by myself with no help.

I agree again, it sounds like she was a very emotionally needy person and you are more independent. I don't really think that had anything to do with age or points in life, but just who she was versus who you are. She did not help things by being so overtly clingy. I have always been the type that used to fight that urge to call my partner too often, but I have also learned many years ago, that if you love something let it go and it loves you it will come back to you. I also know that if you push and pressure someone that does not want it, you will push them away more and eventually lose them for good.

You were not a jerk or an asshole, you were just reacting to situations as they occurred. You are also doing what is needed to become a good responsible adult so that not only for yourself but for your future partner and children you can help to provide them with the best life possible. There is nothing wrong with drive. There was most likely something else lacking in the relationship for her that pushed her to constantly need reassurance. It sounds like a perfect storm of catalysts to break a relationship. It is a good thing you got out when you did. I only hope you do not let this sour you on any future relationships. Most women would be more understanding of your need for time alone and independence. I would not worry about age as much as how much of a "life" they have of their own. Good Luck and take care. Please feel free to PM me if you ever wish to talk more.

[Ahava]

I remember you writing about the relationship problems. I don't think it is right that the other person has to pull all the weight of the relationship.
It sounded like you were doing all the giving and she was doing all the taking.

I promise with your attitude etc you will one day find some one who will blow your mind away by giving you the love you deserve.

Take care!

[rachel.guffey]

Can I ask how long you were together? My SO and I have been together for almost seven years and I would be HIGHLY pissed if he just started ignoring me like that. Honestly, I think it's disrespectful. I'm sorry that your relationship is over, and I wish you nothing but happiness in the future.

[Yaaamiii]

I'm really sorry that happened. Take care of yourself and keep busy

[onehappyisland]

So sad to hear that ! May happy times come to you now !!! <3