Hi,
I've just found this website after a 1 year 3 month LDR. I'm just feeling a bit confused about everything and felt this might be a good place to get some advice. Me and my partner have been together for 3 years. In summer, we will have been apart for half our relationship.
We are only apart for work reasons- I got a job in one city, he has had to go to another one for his career (5 hours on the train away). My job was supposed to end this summer, so the plan was always that I would try and get a job where he is. We lived together for a year before he moved away. The problem is, I am now starting to get opportunities in my department and I now am starting to feel that I would like to stay here...I have also bought my first flat here and so have built a life for myself. There is no work for him in my city- he really needs to stay where he is. Our LDR has been hard, but we have always planned trips to see each, holidays and we thought we had an end date to the distance. The problem is, if I stay in my job (it is looking likely that the opportunity will arise), we will have no end date. As you might have guessed, we are both quite ambitious an want to do well in our careers!
Recently we have been arguing about who should compromise and now I'm starting to question if we should keep our relationship going. We have a lot in common and I do really love him. He is a really good person, a loyal and kind soul. I know he loves me and would be devastated if the relationship ended. The problem is, I have always wondered if there is someone else out there that would be better for me. I know that's awful to say, but its almost like 'what if'. I often think back to my ex's personality - very charismatic- and wish my current partner was more like that. He has many other wonderful characteristics that my ex didn't, but I can help comparing them. If our relationship was to end, I almost feel it would be easier now as we have our own lives anyway, rather than further down the line. I don't want to settle, I don't think I am, but I am just feeling very uncertain about us. I am also conscious that I am getting older and would like to have children. My current partner would be great dad and husband but that feels like a long way off at the moment.
There is also a financial element to our difficulties- I earn double what my partner does, therefore I pay for most holidays, many of our trips etc. While I don't mind this now, I worry that our lives will always be like this. I suppose that's why I feel he should move for my job- but I know that's not fair.
This has turned into a bit of a rant - I think I just needed to get it all out. I talk to my friends about it, but sometimes feel I cant be completely honest. Its somehow easier to tell people you don't know!
Any advice form people going through something similar, or older and wiser, would be really great.
I've just found this website after a 1 year 3 month LDR. I'm just feeling a bit confused about everything and felt this might be a good place to get some advice. Me and my partner have been together for 3 years. In summer, we will have been apart for half our relationship.
We are only apart for work reasons- I got a job in one city, he has had to go to another one for his career (5 hours on the train away). My job was supposed to end this summer, so the plan was always that I would try and get a job where he is. We lived together for a year before he moved away. The problem is, I am now starting to get opportunities in my department and I now am starting to feel that I would like to stay here...I have also bought my first flat here and so have built a life for myself. There is no work for him in my city- he really needs to stay where he is. Our LDR has been hard, but we have always planned trips to see each, holidays and we thought we had an end date to the distance. The problem is, if I stay in my job (it is looking likely that the opportunity will arise), we will have no end date. As you might have guessed, we are both quite ambitious an want to do well in our careers!
Recently we have been arguing about who should compromise and now I'm starting to question if we should keep our relationship going. We have a lot in common and I do really love him. He is a really good person, a loyal and kind soul. I know he loves me and would be devastated if the relationship ended. The problem is, I have always wondered if there is someone else out there that would be better for me. I know that's awful to say, but its almost like 'what if'. I often think back to my ex's personality - very charismatic- and wish my current partner was more like that. He has many other wonderful characteristics that my ex didn't, but I can help comparing them. If our relationship was to end, I almost feel it would be easier now as we have our own lives anyway, rather than further down the line. I don't want to settle, I don't think I am, but I am just feeling very uncertain about us. I am also conscious that I am getting older and would like to have children. My current partner would be great dad and husband but that feels like a long way off at the moment.
There is also a financial element to our difficulties- I earn double what my partner does, therefore I pay for most holidays, many of our trips etc. While I don't mind this now, I worry that our lives will always be like this. I suppose that's why I feel he should move for my job- but I know that's not fair.
This has turned into a bit of a rant - I think I just needed to get it all out. I talk to my friends about it, but sometimes feel I cant be completely honest. Its somehow easier to tell people you don't know!
Any advice form people going through something similar, or older and wiser, would be really great.
Comment