Really unsure

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

We haven't even met in person yet, due to extenuating circumstances, and don't even have a plan for meeting, let alone closing the distance, but we are very close to each other, and stick with each other no matter what. We have been there for each other, even from this distance, and supported each other through the illness and deaths of our parents. When his mother was in hospital after a stroke, and not expected to live, I asked him if he wanted time and space just to be with his family, and he said no, he needed me, that I gave him strength to keep going. We have always supported each other, counseled with each other in making important decisions, and given each other strength and courage.

Even from a distance, you can be a comfort to your boyfriend and support him, by standing by him. What he really needs from you is emotional support. You can do that from a distance with all the technology we have available now.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I agree - don't give up yet. Sometimes we feel that a burden is too heavy to carry and that we can't carry it any further. If you hang in there a tad longer, some answer that you couldn't have seen before comes through. Everything passes, so this time won't last forever. If you two can communicate and talk about it openly, you will grow much closer during the trial.

One thing about some guys that I've noticed is that they have to separate issues in their lives. If a guy is dealing with one stressful event, he can't really focus on another. I'm sure an LDR seems stressful to him. It's not that he's even aware of it; it's just the way his brain might be wired. My SO can seem to shut me out sometimes, when he is thinking over a problem. I'm sure it would be worse if it were as serious as an ill parent. Just continue to show your love and patience and wait. Offer to visit to help out, but accept his no and don't nag about it.

Hope the situation with his father gets better.

Yes, you are right about guys and how they can separate things. My SO compartmentalizes his life, between his world and mine. With the complications of distance, time and other things, it's the only way he can stay sane.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

It sounds like you have more problems than the illness of his dad, the important issue that James is trying to cope with. You haven't even been together a year, and you are already talking about splitting up and never going back to each other...because it's so hard not knowing when you will see each other. Unfortunately, that is the reality of an LDR. Everything about an LDR is uncertain and up in the air. Some people aren't cut out for it, and it is probably made more difficult if you are young and inexperienced.

If you really care about each other, give yourselves a chance, even if you can't be together as much as you want to. You can still support each other, nourish your love for each other from a distance. Or this might be a break that you both need, time apart so you can focus on your own lives and grow as individuals, so that you will be stronger as a couple when the time is right. It doesn't mean you can't stay in touch. And keeping in touch is so easy now with the Internet, Facebook, Skype, etc.

Maybe you need to step back a bit, and decide what you really want. Meditate, keep a journal, work on your own life. Learn to be independent. You need to complete yourself, and not depend on James to make you happy.

[laurenandjames9]

Wow! Thank you to everyone for commenting. Everyone has varied opinions on the situation, but it all comes back down to me, and what I want. I know that I want to be with James, I love him, and everything seems better being with him. I do need to not rely on him so much, because I have been. A friend of mine pointed that out to me. I know I can rely on James, but right now he needs to rely on me more than I do him. He said that he wants to be able to give me everything I want and need, and I know he really means that. It must be heartbreaking for him knowing he can't and having to face things with his Dad. I told him that I would never give up on him no matter how hard it got, and right now I can't give up on him. We have faced so much in the time that we have known each other and been together, and I know that this is another test that we have to face.

Thank you everyone again, I really appreciate people commenting. Its very reassuring.

Lauren

[Jaac]

Hi! I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time like this
You say: Never seeing each other isn't a relationship.
But you can perfectly maintain a relationship via whatsapp and skype.

I understand that you feel depressed, especially since you don't know when you're going to see each other again.
But with his dad being quite sick, it's maybe better to take it slow.
Wait another month and see how things are going then. Maybe the whole situation will have been changed!

You have to ask yourself wheter you still want to be with him, though.
Everybody's got doubts sometimes (I assume), but in an LDR it's vital that you're in for it for a 100% and are fully commited.
If you really love each other, you will cope with a couple of weeks or months apart.
Remember some people with an SO in the army don't see each other fot maybe a year, and are still together.

I don't know if you're creative or anything, but making him an enveloppe with all kinds of stuff in it (photos, a letter, a creative thingy, anything) can make you feel close to him.
And maybe try and have set times when you skype and talk about your worries and how he feels about it.

I hope you get through this!