need some help/someone to talk to

[NI_USA_love]

...she does not like her own country much, her plan is to live somewhere else in some ways all she has is the hope of a better life somewhere else as beautiful a country Vietnam is it's still a police state and who wants to live in a police state.

So I was going to quote this earlier but I was sort of wary about suggesting it, but now I want to agree with Moon here, just be careful.

[differentcountries]

I was scared to be there Saigon is the longest I have stayed in any city in my life even if it was only 5 days
days

You really need to travel more.

[squeeker]

I try staying away from these kind of threads because I tend to be a bit realistic, though some call it cynical. I'm really sorry, but I don't think you have a relationship here. My guy is the shyest thing in the world, yet he still managed to hug me when I got off of that plane the first time. Other than a side trip with friends for a few days, we didn't have plans either, but he took me out and showed me all around the city, and we had a great time, all unplanned. He got over his awkwardness in about a day, because when you're into someone, that's how it goes. You mentioned her wanting to leave Vietnam, please don't be offended, but are you absolutely sure that's not why she's with you, and still supposely wants to be with you, after such a disastrous trip?

Listen, it's your life, but to be completely honest, you should get rid of her, there's nothing good in it for you. Chemistry is either there, or it's not, and in this case it wasn't for her, yet she claims to still want to be with you. Why? I'm not saying it's definitely the possibility of UK residency, but I'd be extremely suspicious. When you're into someone, and have true, honest feeling for them, your scenario doesn't happen. After all of that, and all the wasted time, money, hopes and dreams, WHY in the world are you giving her another shot? Stop trying to excuse her actions in your head, and making up reasons why she did things, they're wishful thinking I'm afraid, I think it's in your best interest to just walk away. Good luck, and I'm sorry this happened to you.

Moon makes a good point... I hadn't really thought of it.. and I tend to try and be positive on these forums.. but be careful.. because looking at it again, it could be that she is using you. I just wanted to speak a positive voice because I know that I am a shy and anxious person, and my SO is similar, and even though we were able to get along from the start, and cuddle and be emotionally close... I figured maybe it was because you hadn't been together that long and maybe it was because of the work thing.. but you have to be careful... talk about everything and ask about everything and think realistically because after a disaster of a visit that you came home early from, you don't want to spend out too much more money if she's just after a way to try and get out of her country. I feel really sorry for you. The dreamer and positivist inside of me wants to wish you well and have everything work out, but I know that not all relationships are the right one, so take some time and make some lists, talk to her, think about what you want... if you do keep going with the relationship, take it slow and get to know her more and try and see what is going on..

Good luck!

[ChrisJH]

Well sometimes it doesn't work out it would seem, We did communicate almost every day but forgot to carry that over when me met, that has caused enough damage to our relationship that it would be best not to continue.
She puts all of her focus into work for her St Kitts economic citizenship so I'll let her get on with that.

Thank you everyone, this forum is so helpful, supportive and understanding you're all wonderful people.

You really need to travel more.

Just to clarify while I am more comfortable in rural areas I've travelled to many places in the UK and a few in Europe just never stayed anywhere for very long and this was a place where I could not call on my language skills.

[ldrsj]

I need help pls, mind is in a mess now, my ldr bf for almost 5 yrs (5 yrs by next Fri) wanted to sleep with other woman, with too much offers and temptations surrounding him and a young girl has invited him to sleep over this coming Fri (2 days later), I told him not to do that it will destroy our relationship and told him if he started its consider cheating on me. He set 2 conditions forcing me to do it before Fri (2 days) i hate n reluctant: ie send him a pic of my daughter (he likes to talk sexually with abusive words like raping her, torturing her & stuff) and he also want me to sleep with guys and tell him abt it before Fri. If i dont do that then he will go sleep around with girls tht give offers and he said wish that i can fly over this weekend (i hv never seen him in person before). Infact Im planning to visit him by end of this yr but things are getting rocky now. He doesnt say much he love me and also taken out "relationship status" fr his fb 3 days ago.. though i didnt ask him why. Pls reply me fast i need lots of help here Thanks

[Hollandia]

I need help pls, mind is in a mess now, my ldr bf for almost 5 yrs (5 yrs by next Fri) wanted to sleep with other woman, with too much offers and temptations surrounding him and a young girl has invited him to sleep over this coming Fri (2 days later), I told him not to do that it will destroy our relationship and told him if he started its consider cheating on me. He set 2 conditions forcing me to do it before Fri (2 days) i hate n reluctant: ie send him a pic of my daughter (he likes to talk sexually with abusive words like raping her, torturing her & stuff) and he also want me to sleep with guys and tell him abt it before Fri. If i dont do that then he will go sleep around with girls tht give offers and he said wish that i can fly over this weekend (i hv never seen him in person before). Infact Im planning to visit him by end of this yr but things are getting rocky now. He doesnt say much he love me and also taken out "relationship status" fr his fb 3 days ago.. though i didnt ask him why. Pls reply me fast i need lots of help here Thanks

You are new so welcome to the forurm. This post is pretty upsetting if you going through this. Your BF is someone you should RUN from. You should never send pics of your child to him. You should not allow him to talk about your daughter in that way to you. If you don't want to sleep with other men, then don't. He should never try to manipulate you by emotional blackmail and he is probably already banging other women because he has shown he has NO respect for women at all.

Tell him goodbye and don't look back. This guy is bad news and a pedophile if your daughter is underage. If you send him the pics of her you are participating in it too. Temptations surrounds us all but we have morals and this guys does not. He is just the worst mistake you are making in your life right now. There are plenty of other fish in the internet sea that will treat you and your daughter with respect and not like chattel.

Note: This poster is new and so I did not lecture her about making her own thread due to the nature of this post. I am assuming it is real and not a troll.

[Moon]

I need help pls, mind is in a mess now, my ldr bf for almost 5 yrs (5 yrs by next Fri) wanted to sleep with other woman, with too much offers and temptations surrounding him and a young girl has invited him to sleep over this coming Fri (2 days later), I told him not to do that it will destroy our relationship and told him if he started its consider cheating on me. He set 2 conditions forcing me to do it before Fri (2 days) i hate n reluctant: ie send him a pic of my daughter (he likes to talk sexually with abusive words like raping her, torturing her & stuff) and he also want me to sleep with guys and tell him abt it before Fri. If i dont do that then he will go sleep around with girls tht give offers and he said wish that i can fly over this weekend (i hv never seen him in person before). Infact Im planning to visit him by end of this yr but things are getting rocky now. He doesnt say much he love me and also taken out "relationship status" fr his fb 3 days ago.. though i didnt ask him why. Pls reply me fast i need lots of help here Thanks

I'm not really sure how to respond to this, assuming it's legitimate.

Your boyfriend is a pedophile who has your daughter in his sights, that alone should have you not just breaking up with him, but forwarding all the evidence you have to the authorities in his town. The cheating, taking you off FB, the lies, etc. are all inconsequential compared to his pedophilia. You have nothing he wants, he prefers sex with children, period. He is the absolute scum of the earth, there are no worse people than those who prey on children like this, how can you even consider staying with him, especially after asking for pictures of your daughter? Granted, I'm making the assumption that your daughter is a minor, if she's an adult, I apologize for the accusations, but you sound quite young yourself. Even if she is an adult, anyone, and I mean anyone who spoke that way about my adult daughter, would be cut out of my life forever.

Why are you with such a manipulative, awful man? Don't you think you deserve better than this?

[Davidvs]

LDRSJ - Please do exactly as Hollandia suggested... Run... this man is positively no good. I am very sorry this has happened to you.

[TwoThree]

I need help pls, mind is in a mess now, my ldr bf for almost 5 yrs (5 yrs by next Fri) wanted to sleep with other woman, with too much offers and temptations surrounding him and a young girl has invited him to sleep over this coming Fri (2 days later), I told him not to do that it will destroy our relationship and told him if he started its consider cheating on me. He set 2 conditions forcing me to do it before Fri (2 days) i hate n reluctant: ie send him a pic of my daughter (he likes to talk sexually with abusive words like raping her, torturing her & stuff) and he also want me to sleep with guys and tell him abt it before Fri. If i dont do that then he will go sleep around with girls tht give offers and he said wish that i can fly over this weekend (i hv never seen him in person before). Infact Im planning to visit him by end of this yr but things are getting rocky now. He doesnt say much he love me and also taken out "relationship status" fr his fb 3 days ago.. though i didnt ask him why. Pls reply me fast i need lots of help here Thanks

Sorry if I sound like I'm putting you down and not being sympathetic, believe me I am, but... I just can't wrap my head around why you still are with this man. You are a mother, for chrissake! Doesn't your instinct tell you that it's so horribly wrong to even still be in contact with such a sick, awful individual? Report him to the police and cut all ties! There's nothing else to be done.

[Atreyu]

I need help pls, mind is in a mess now, my ldr bf for almost 5 yrs (5 yrs by next Fri) wanted to sleep with other woman, with too much offers and temptations surrounding him and a young girl has invited him to sleep over this coming Fri (2 days later), I told him not to do that it will destroy our relationship and told him if he started its consider cheating on me. He set 2 conditions forcing me to do it before Fri (2 days) i hate n reluctant: ie send him a pic of my daughter (he likes to talk sexually with abusive words like raping her, torturing her & stuff) and he also want me to sleep with guys and tell him abt it before Fri. If i dont do that then he will go sleep around with girls tht give offers and he said wish that i can fly over this weekend (i hv never seen him in person before). Infact Im planning to visit him by end of this yr but things are getting rocky now. He doesnt say much he love me and also taken out "relationship status" fr his fb 3 days ago.. though i didnt ask him why. Pls reply me fast i need lots of help here Thanks

Um, Sorry, but i would not even talk to this man. Please ban him out of your life. He's gonna make your life miserable. Find a good guy, or even better: Be single, much better than being with this cruel idiot!