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I Dont know what just happened, so upset

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    #1

    I Dont know what just happened, so upset

    Ok, so here's the story. I have been dating a girl (call her T) who lives in Canada, (i live in Australia) for about 6 months now.

    Just today i was reblogging LDR posts on tumblr, and one of my followers that's close friends with T (Who lives in the UK. Call him L) messaged me asking about who my girlfriend was. at this point i was feeling a bit weird about stuff and i proceeded to tell him i have been going out with T for like 6 months.

    right away he said "Really I'm dating her.."

    I then messaged him asking how long he was dating her for and he said 1 week today.

    we sent various messages back and forth trying to work out what's going on and the added each other on Skype to make it easier to talk.

    we then made a group conversation with T, L and me all talking trying to figure out what's going on. all of a sudden T typed "WE ARE NOT TOGETHER" and deletes both of us from Skype and leaves the conversation.

    I always thought something was wierd, she never publically identified that she was in a relationship both on tumblr and on facebook(i couldnt sent her a relationship request)

    not sure if anyone will get what's happening here, but my head is really confused and im so hurt and not sure what to do.

    We have never met in person, but have skype called multiple times

    Any comments/advide is apreciated
    Tags: confused help please, probelms, upset
    #2
    It sounds like she didn't understand a relationship and tried to have two relationships at one time.. probably was not taking the relationship seriously. I think it's best you just try and move on and heal from this... sounds like she has made it clear that she isn't in a relationship with you, unless she was talking to the other guy. So maybe you should talk to her and see what she might say if talking to just you...... though I'd advice you to be very careful of getting too invested in this until she shows more sign of commitment, like maybe telling family about you. Be careful..

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      #3
      Originally posted by squeeker View Post
      It sounds like she didn't understand a relationship and tried to have two relationships at one time.. probably was not taking the relationship seriously. I think it's best you just try and move on and heal from this... sounds like she has made it clear that she isn't in a relationship with you, unless she was talking to the other guy. So maybe you should talk to her and see what she might say if talking to just you...... though I'd advice you to be very careful of getting too invested in this until she shows more sign of commitment, like maybe telling family about you. Be careful..
      Im sure by what she has said to me she is very serious about the relationship, maybe she was lying im not sure. im not sure about anything anymore. i think im gonna wait a while. and try to get in contact with her again and try to get the full story

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        #4
        I hope the full story isn't as bad as it sounds, but it does sound like she was trying to have another relationship without either of you knowing. I'm sorry this has happened. It would be good to talk with her, just the two of you. Try to keep it calm, though, so she won't shut down without telling you what's going on. It never is good when someone doesn't want to tell others about a relationship. She needs to let others know about you, if she wants to keep things with you. I really hope it works out, but you deserve better than this kind of treatment. Unless she has a really good explanation, you need to find someone that will treat you better. It's fine to date more than one person, but only if everyone knows what's happening. It's not fair to any person to keep secrets like that. Makes you wonder what else she might hide.

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          #5
          well, she has deleted me off both facebook and skype so i have no way to contact her atm. the funny thing is just a few days ago she seemed so serious to be in love with me. and looking forward to meeting me. im just gonna wait it out for a while and then add her again at some point and try to speak to her.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by squeeker View Post
            It sounds like she didn't understand a relationship and tried to have two relationships at one time..
            That's a generous and kind way to look at it, squeeker

            Spazzo: basically she was playing you, and playing that other guy. I'm sorry you wasted six months pining after her, but I don't think you'd get much in a way of closure by seeking her out after she deleted you from several social networks. You should just move on. Good luck.
            I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

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              #7
              This was my first relationship I ever had. Why would a person even think about doing such a thing.I still have this feeling that there is actually a story behind all of this and I really want to find out. The amount of serious stuff she has told me about her life... Although maybe that was all a lie too

              Anyway to be honest for months now I was finding that she wasn't really putting in any effort to talk to me. And when we did talk it was always me talking to her and all our conversations were very one sided I didn't even feel like we were in a relationship and I noticed that she was talking to this other guy a lot more than she was to me

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                #8
                Sweetie....sometimes people just suck! Don't judge every other relationship based on this one. Everyone gets their heart broken at least one time. And the first time is really, really hard. It doesn't sound like she was serious. I am so sorry. The perfect person is out there for you. And she's probably wondering when you will show up I'm her life.....
                sigpic

                I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

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                  #9
                  She seems not ready for a relationship. She doesn't even aqknowledge that her strange behaviour is hurtful. You need to stay away. Love is difficult enough without doubting the relationship itself. And like you said, she cut all contact so this is the end.

                  Btw ; i feel sorry for her, but she is young and maybe got overwealmed by your relationship. Sometimes people just can't handle it. You can maybe find it in your heart to forgive her childishness, and find . Not everyone deals with their love life this way.
                  I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                  - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                  "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Sounds like you got outta that bear trap so don't go crawling back in. From the information given, she was clearly playing the two of you and high tailed outta' there once she was caught.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I will play the harsher voice here. I think you deserve to be treated better. 6 months is a long time to lead someone on by not admitting to dating other people. Many people would assume, wrongly unfortunately, this is a given, but sadly some people think if you don't bring it up they are free and clear.

                      In the future the only thing I would suggest is don't be afraid to ask about exclusivity. I don't think there is a set time, but I do think it is usually well before 6 months. It is up to you, how long do you want to invest in a relationship before knowing it is one on one? For me that marker hits at about 2-3 months. It really comes down to what you are most comfortable with.
                      "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                      Benjamin Franklin

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                        #12
                        Oh, it does not really sound like she thought it was ok to date several people simultaniously. If so, she would not have started doing so right away, not after nearly six months and after saying lots of exclusive stuff. It sounds more like she got involved and then used another guy to divert herself from that fact. It is classical commitment phobia behaviour to start cheating when things are good, because they really panic over their own emotions.
                        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                        Comment

                          #13
                          If they did not have the "talk" you can't really call it cheating. I just think it is somewhat unfair to do to someone when you most likely know they think you are exclusive. Lesson learned, always ask, never assume. If you don't ask, it really is not cheating, but it is also not someone I would ever want to date. If you care for someone you don't do things you know will lead to them getting hurt regardless of semantics of whether you are in the right or wrong.
                          "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                          Benjamin Franklin

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I think you got Catfished and I'm sorry that happened to you.


                            When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

                            True love does not worry about the distance between, for the heart and soul travels through one's words

                            When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart.

                            1 universe, 9 planets, 7 continents, 194 countries, 50 states and 10 provinces...and I had the privilege to meet you.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Originally posted by Hollandia View Post
                              I will play the harsher voice here. I think you deserve to be treated better. 6 months is a long time to lead someone on by not admitting to dating other people. Many people would assume, wrongly unfortunately, this is a given, but sadly some people think if you don't bring it up they are free and clear.

                              In the future the only thing I would suggest is don't be afraid to ask about exclusivity. I don't think there is a set time, but I do think it is usually well before 6 months. It is up to you, how long do you want to invest in a relationship before knowing it is one on one? For me that marker hits at about 2-3 months. It really comes down to what you are most comfortable with.
                              well about that. she recieved various anon asks on her tumblr regarding her relationship status and i did ask her specifically as to why she wasnt very open in telling people about us specifically on tumblr. she responded with that "anons can wreck relationships and i dont want that to happen". now i know why she didnt want to reveal it(the other guy was also following her on tumblr) it was the same with facebook i wasnt even able to send a relationship request (this kept coming up "The relationship you chose isn't supported by facebook") and whenever i brought it up she would never give a definitve answer stating that she would change it.

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