I lied to my SO, she found out, what to do now?

[Luc]

If she does break up over something this small... then she'll be the one to regret it later. I feel she's being unreasonably harsh towards you. Lying is never good, but this was more of a white lie than anything. I can kind of relate to your situation and the only way to break this chain is to be upright, understanding and respectful towards her and express your own feelings in a calm manner. Good luck, I hope she'll not be too childish! (that's how she comes across to me in her behaviour described)

EDIT: I do like to say that it seems that she really cares about you in her own way. You should tell her that you'd appreciate that.

She does love me and care about me, I know that. But her zodiac sign is Leo, mine is Libra. I guess that explains a lot about her behavior towards me and my reactions towards her (if you believe that our personalities are indeed partly shaped by our zodiac signs).

And I agree that she's overreacting. In my opinion she's being way too harsh about this. But how in the world would I tell her that without making her even more upset than she already seems to be?

[nottheprincesspeach]

She does love me and care about me, I know that. But her zodiac sign is Leo, mine is Libra. I guess that explains a lot about her behavior towards me and my reactions towards her (if you believe that our personalities are indeed partly shaped by our zodiac signs).

And I agree that she's overreacting. In my opinion she's being way too harsh about this. But how in the world would I tell her that without making her even more upset than she already seems to be?

Calm communication and better phrasing. Like I said she need to be more patient and understanding. Basically you need time. You also need to indicate to her that you made a mistake on lying and won't do it again and are willing to earn back her trust in that matter.

[Luc]

Is there anyway you could compromise the behavior but perhaps playing GW2 earlier in the night at a more reasonable time. I find compromise is easier than absolute change in behavior.

Not really. Her recent changes in her schedule doesn't allow her to get on Skype before 10:00 PM my time. We like to Skype every day, it's what we do, but recently we have been doing that from 10:00 PM to somewhere around 1:00 AM my time, which is already kinda late. Then around 1:00 AM I head to bed to sleep (or at least I usually do, and it's what she expects me to do), while she heads to Guild Wars 2 to play that.

I guess knowing that she is playing Guild Wars 2 without me while I'm laying in bed doesn't really help me at all, especially because we haven't really been playing GW2 together at all lately. We used to play GW2 together during my early evenings (her mornings) but she says she can't do that anymore. I love playing GW2 with her, but our current schedules just doesn't allow it, unless we would sacrifice our Skype time to play GW2 instead, which isn't what we want.

But yeah, obviously knowing that she is usually going to play GW2 the moment I go to bed kinda makes me feel frustrated and is just another thing that keeps me awake, but I feel it would be very unreasonable to ask her not to get on GW2 when I go to bed. But if I log on at 1:00 AM to play with her, she gets irritated cause she feels my sleep is more important than playing GW2 with her, and 1:00 AM is obviously already really late, especially when I have college the next day.

So I don't know what to do with this either.

[nottheprincesspeach]

Not really. Her recent changes in her schedule doesn't allow her to get on Skype before 10:00 PM my time. We like to Skype every day, it's what we do, but recently we have been doing that from 10:00 PM to somewhere around 1:00 AM my time, which is already kinda late. Then around 1:00 AM I head to bed to sleep (or at least I usually do, and it's what she expects me to do), while she heads to Guild Wars 2 to play that.

I guess knowing that she is playing Guild Wars 2 without me while I'm laying in bed doesn't really help me at all, especially because we haven't really been playing GW2 together at all lately. We used to play GW2 together during my early evenings (her mornings) but she says she can't do that anymore. I love playing GW2 with her, but our current schedules just doesn't allow it, unless we would sacrifice our Skype time to play GW2 instead, which isn't what we want.

But yeah, obviously knowing that she is usually going to play GW2 the moment I go to bed kinda makes me feel frustrated and is just another thing that keeps me awake, but I feel it would be very unreasonable to ask her not to get on GW2 when I go to bed. But if I log on at 1:00 AM to play with her, she gets irritated cause she feels my sleep is more important than playing GW2 with her, and 1:00 AM is obviously already really late, especially when I have college the next day.

So I don't know what to do with this either.

Could you play it together while you skype before you go to bed? There has to be a compromise here. This is clearly a more complicated issue than it initially seemed. I get Skyping every night before you go to bed. Maybe find a medium ground there.

[Luc]

Could you play it together while you skype before you go to bed? There has to be a compromise here. This is clearly a more complicated issue than it initially seemed. I get Skyping every night before you go to bed. Maybe find a medium ground there.

I have a PC with 2 monitors, I can Skype with her and do other stuff at the same time. She however only has a laptop with one small screen. She can Skype with me and play GW2 with me, but then she wouldn't be able to see me (webcam). She says she rather sees my cute face (her words) than playing GW2 with me. Her internet also doesn't seem to be fast enough to do both at the same time, cause we tried and she seemed to experience lag and our Skype conversation sometimes got messed up.

I guess I can try to suggest to her to Skype for maybe an hour less and then play an hour of Guild Wars 2? But honestly, I'm not sure if that is what I myself want. I love to Skype with her and see her, and sometimes these 2 or 3 hours that we Skype already feels way too short.

I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it too. I don't know. Am I being unreasonable here?

[nottheprincesspeach]

I have a PC with 2 monitors, I can Skype with her and do other stuff at the same time. She however only has a laptop with one small screen. She can Skype with me and play GW2 with me, but then she wouldn't be able to see me (webcam). She says she rather sees my cute face (her words) than playing GW2 with me. Her internet also doesn't seem to be fast enough to do both at the same time, cause we tried and she seemed to experience lag and our Skype conversation sometimes got messed up.

I guess I can try to suggest to her to Skype for maybe an hour less and then play an hour of Guild Wars 2? But honestly, I'm not sure if that is what I myself want. I love to Skype with her and see her, and sometimes these 2 or 3 hours that we Skype already feels way too short.

I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it too. I don't know. Am I being unreasonable here?

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Either you need to go to sleep after you skype and play GW2 another time with out her or skype less and play GW2 a little more. Maybe it doesn't have to be every night, just sometimes. Seems like at this point it is something you two should talk about and decide. If you explain why you stay up when you shouldn't because of all this, maybe you can figure something out.

[ethelynn]

I have quite some sleeping problems myself and I have things I like to do when I can't sleep to calm down. If I can't sleep, I can't sleep. Forcing myself to lie in bed doing nothing doesn't help. I get up and do something to calm down and try again. I'd calmly explain her what you need to help yourself and make sure she understands that you can't just fall asleep when she says you have to. You need to tell her what you need more specifically and that you are the one who has a problem sleeping, it's not about her at all.

[snow]

While I think your SO has overreacted, I can honestly understand why she feels so hurt.

To some people a lie is a lie, and it doesn't matter how big it is, because of their values. It might not seem big to you, but to her even a small lie will make her doubt her trust in you. You know that you will not lie about bigger things, but you two are dating and she is learning things about you. She thought you wouldn't lie about small things, but you did, so she is not sure if she could be wrong again and you would lie about bigger things.

The way she acted, suggesting a Skype call to talk about this, was very mature. She wanted space and you gave it to her and now that she had it, she wants to talk this issue through. I can understand that you were scared she could break up, but until she actually says it, you should not assume she will and I can see her get irritated with you demanding answers, while she is still in limbo not sure how she feels.

I would suggest you let her speak and see what she feels.

When it comes to sending you to bed: She is looking out for you, but she is not your mom. However you act like a child demanding attention from its mom, when you keep stalking her. You either tell her you are old enough to look out for yourself and then do so yourself, meaning you go to bed when you feel like it and she will have nothing to do with it, OR you ask her to help you with this issue and work on a schedule with her.

[dglynn77]

While I think your SO has overreacted, I can honestly understand why she feels so hurt.

To some people a lie is a lie, and it doesn't matter how big it is, because of their values. It might not seem big to you, but to her even a small lie will make her doubt her trust in you. You know that you will not lie about bigger things, but you two are dating and she is learning things about you. She thought you wouldn't lie about small things, but you did, so she is not sure if she could be wrong again and you would lie about bigger things.

The way she acted, suggesting a Skype call to talk about this, was very mature. She wanted space and you gave it to her and now that she had it, she wants to talk this issue through. I can understand that you were scared she could break up, but until she actually says it, you should not assume she will and I can see her get irritated with you demanding answers, while she is still in limbo not sure how she feels.

I would suggest you let her speak and see what she feels.

When it comes to sending you to bed: She is looking out for you, but she is not your mom. However you act like a child demanding attention from its mom, when you keep stalking her. You either tell her you are old enough to look out for yourself and then do so yourself, meaning you go to bed when you feel like it and she will have nothing to do with it, OR you ask her to help you with this issue and work on a schedule with her.

EXCELLENT advice, snow!

[Moon]

While I think your SO has overreacted, I can honestly understand why she feels so hurt.

To some people a lie is a lie, and it doesn't matter how big it is, because of their values. It might not seem big to you, but to her even a small lie will make her doubt her trust in you. You know that you will not lie about bigger things, but you two are dating and she is learning things about you. She thought you wouldn't lie about small things, but you did, so she is not sure if she could be wrong again and you would lie about bigger things.

The way she acted, suggesting a Skype call to talk about this, was very mature. She wanted space and you gave it to her and now that she had it, she wants to talk this issue through. I can understand that you were scared she could break up, but until she actually says it, you should not assume she will and I can see her get irritated with you demanding answers, while she is still in limbo not sure how she feels.

I would suggest you let her speak and see what she feels.

When it comes to sending you to bed: She is looking out for you, but she is not your mom. However you act like a child demanding attention from its mom, when you keep stalking her. You either tell her you are old enough to look out for yourself and then do so yourself, meaning you go to bed when you feel like it and she will have nothing to do with it, OR you ask her to help you with this issue and work on a schedule with her.

This is about as good advice as you'll get, you should consider it carefully.

[Luc]

While I think your SO has overreacted, I can honestly understand why she feels so hurt.

To some people a lie is a lie, and it doesn't matter how big it is, because of their values. It might not seem big to you, but to her even a small lie will make her doubt her trust in you. You know that you will not lie about bigger things, but you two are dating and she is learning things about you. She thought you wouldn't lie about small things, but you did, so she is not sure if she could be wrong again and you would lie about bigger things.

The way she acted, suggesting a Skype call to talk about this, was very mature. She wanted space and you gave it to her and now that she had it, she wants to talk this issue through. I can understand that you were scared she could break up, but until she actually says it, you should not assume she will and I can see her get irritated with you demanding answers, while she is still in limbo not sure how she feels.

I would suggest you let her speak and see what she feels.

When it comes to sending you to bed: She is looking out for you, but she is not your mom. However you act like a child demanding attention from its mom, when you keep stalking her. You either tell her you are old enough to look out for yourself and then do so yourself, meaning you go to bed when you feel like it and she will have nothing to do with it, OR you ask her to help you with this issue and work on a schedule with her.

I'm not quite sure where you got the idea from that I'm stalking her, cause I'm not. But if you feel that way, she might feel that way too. I should ask her I guess.

The rest of your advice is spot on though, it really helped me to put things in perspective and I feel better prepared now to face her tonight when she and I are going to Skype.

Thanks a lot!

[kikidee]

Your gf sounds like a total control freak. She is completely overreacting and if she does break up with you because of this it's probably for your benefit. I swear, you can't even play a damn game without her exploding over it? I would tell her straight forward she can't control you and something like that really doesn't concern her. It isn't like it's detrimental to your relationship.

To kind of correct myself, she does deserve to be mad to some degree because you agreed to her terms. But I think you should have not agreed since it's not a big deal.

[Ahava]

True. The thing is though, and she keeps hammering on that, is that I had this almost fixed at one point. I've been able to go for a month or so without logging on on Guild Wars 2 at all. But for some reason I slipped back, but now she's constantly saying "Don't act as if you need to get on GW2 in the middle of the night, because we both know that isn't true. We both know you managed to stay off Guild Wars 2 before, so if you could do it before, you can do it again. The way I see it, the only reason why you slipped back is because you allowed it to happen. You got back on GW2 in the night willingly, that was a choice you made, and now because of that you're all the way back to zero."

I don't like the way she is talking to you. I wouldn't even want a mother like that. Horrible NAGGING!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I have similar problems, with him being 17 hours ahead of me. I have adapted to his schedule, so stay up way late, but I can sleep in, since I'm retired. Even so, there are times I have trouble sleeping, because of my over-active ADD-afflicted Gemini mind. I'm a poet, also, and sometimes I wake up in the middle of my sleep, or even just an hour or two after I go to sleep, with a poem forming in my head, and I am compelled to get up, go to my laptop, and write. Then I end up posting it to Facebook, from my blog, and that gets me into checking my forums, etc. MY SO sometimes gets after me, when he sees I've been up too late, and will lovingly tell me I really need to get to bed, but it's always my choice. He doesn't demand my obedience. He also knows I sleep better when I go to sleep the same time he does, after a goodnight chat, during which both of us doze off a bit, and finally he or I will say I'm off to bed now.

The point is, everyone has different ways of handling sleep problems, which we all have at times. If playing your game for a bit after Skype helps you settle down, it should be your choice, and you shouldn't have to feel like you need to lie to her about it.

She really needs to realize she has no control over you, or your life, and being a control freak in this type of a relationship can be very detrimental. I learned that the hard way, trying to control things with my SO. It doesn't work, it makes him feel like I'm mothering and smothering him, and it makes him mad because he feels like I'm pressuring him to change, and not accepting him as he is. She really needs to lighten up and let you be yourself, make your own mistakes, and learn your own lessons on your own. And she should forgive you for your weakness in lying about being on the game when she thought you were in bed asleep. But definitely, talk to her, let her vent and explain her concerns, and try to work it all out with her. But be honest with her from now on when she is trying to control you, and you are feeling cornered, pressured or rebellious.

[Kanga]

While I think your SO has overreacted, I can honestly understand why she feels so hurt.

To some people a lie is a lie, and it doesn't matter how big it is, because of their values. It might not seem big to you, but to her even a small lie will make her doubt her trust in you. You know that you will not lie about bigger things, but you two are dating and she is learning things about you. She thought you wouldn't lie about small things, but you did, so she is not sure if she could be wrong again and you would lie about bigger things.

The way she acted, suggesting a Skype call to talk about this, was very mature. She wanted space and you gave it to her and now that she had it, she wants to talk this issue through. I can understand that you were scared she could break up, but until she actually says it, you should not assume she will and I can see her get irritated with you demanding answers, while she is still in limbo not sure how she feels.

I would suggest you let her speak and see what she feels.

When it comes to sending you to bed: She is looking out for you, but she is not your mom. However you act like a child demanding attention from its mom, when you keep stalking her. You either tell her you are old enough to look out for yourself and then do so yourself, meaning you go to bed when you feel like it and she will have nothing to do with it, OR you ask her to help you with this issue and work on a schedule with her.

This is honestly the best advice.

No one forced you to lie to her, you did that on your own.

I was in similar situation with my SO, and he did the same things you did. Drove me up a wall.