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I haven't gotten any contact from him and I'm worried sick

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    I haven't gotten any contact from him and I'm worried sick

    So me and by bf have been in our ldr for 2 months now--he's in Taiwan, and I'm in the States. His school started a month before mine, and it's a lot more rigorous there than it is here; he gets home every night at about 10-11 pm, and has to wake up the next morning at a bit past 6. While I was still on my summer vacation, we were able to talk for about 30 minutes each day when he got back.

    The last time I talked to him--or got any contact from him, for that matter--was 2 weeks ago. That morning (his night--there's a 12 hour time difference), he was telling me how stressed out he was and how unhappy he was--school is so difficult and stressful there, and because of that he can never go out with any of his friends. I felt so horrible because I couldn't cheer him up--and that was the last time I've spoken with him.
    I got online the next day and waited for him all morning, but he never showed up. He hasn't responded to anything I've sent to him on Facebook, Livejournal (where we have our own blog--although since he's not used to the English keyboard and English is still hard for him, he said he wouldn't be able to write in it very much or read mine if they're long entries), but there's still no reply. He promised that on the weekends (Saturdays, although we never figured out an exact time. I thought we'd be doing that the morning he never showed up), but I waited several hours, both morning and night, and he still never showed up on Skype or sent me anything on Facebook or anything.

    This past Monday, I sent him a letter, saying what I'd been wanting to tell him the past 2 weeks, and really stressing that I wanted him to somehow contact me to assure me he's okay--even if it's just a 5 minute phone call early in the morning. It should have arrived either today (Fri.) or tomorrow.

    The worst thing is, I have no other ways of contacting him. I don't have his phone number--my family doesn't have a long-distance plan, so I hadn't gotten it yet. The only way I could get it now is asking his host-parents from last year--I still have their phone number, but they have no idea who I am--we kept our relationship a secret while he was here. And unless it's an extreme emergency, my parents won't be too happy that I'm calling long-distance. I'm actually not even sure if they know we're still dating--they're not very supportive, in any case. The only other way is through contacting his sister through Facebook, though I've never actually spoken with her, or any of the rest of his family, for that matter.

    And I'm so afraid that something's happened to him. If he gets put in the hospital, will anyone tell me? ....or if something even worse happens? What if he happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time where a freak accident happens? Or what if....since the last time I talked to him, he was so depressed...he killed himself?
    I know all of this sounds really extreme, and I really doubt the suicide idea, but it could happen. Anything could have happened.
    And if he's just busy, why can't he somehow contact me? He told me that sometime in August his school is going to be on a 1 week vacation, and it hadn't happened before I last saw him--and it's the end of August now, so it must've happened last week or so. So why, if he was so free, couldn't he have contacted me then?

    I am just so worried. I have to know. I'm deciding that if 2 more weeks pass by and I don't get any contact from him, I'm adopting more extreme measures--like calling his host parents or sending a message to his sister, because it takes about 1 week for a letter to arrive, and if I do any of those other measures while a letter's on its way or something, I'd really feel like I'm just overreacting and feel really stupid.
    Or do you think I should just send him another letter by that time? But then I'd have to wait even more weeks...I'm so confused at what I should do.
    And for those of you who read all this, I really do appreciate it. I know it's so long, but I just have to say all this. I'm so scared of what could've and what could happen in a week.

    #2
    I am so sorry you are stressing. All you can do I guess is to keep on trying to communicate, and be patient. And if nothing happens soon, buy a phone card and call the number you have. Best wishes!!!

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      #3
      No matter how busy he is, he should be remembering you and try to make contact. As I've told other people on this site even if you don't have long distance phone plans, you can buy international calling cards they cost between 2-10 dollars from any corner store, 711, etc. and you can call any country with them and it doesn't charge your phone bill, you can off any cell phone and any land line, the card gives you a pin and a local number so for me when I buy one it gives me a number to call in palm beach, i enter my pin and then it tells me to dial the international number and then i'm all good. I've done this numberous times to call europe, never ever charged me a single dime extra.
      Met: 1.20.09 (At School)
      Starting Dating: 5.22.09
      Been an LDR since: 8.17.10 (3 hours distance)
      Last Time I saw my SO: 10.02.10
      Next time I will see my SO: 10.14.10

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        #4
        I think your best option is to contact her sister on Facebook ASAP and ask if she knows anything. If she hasn't heard from him either then tell your parents how worried you are and contact his host-parents, that really seems strange and I would be worried sick too if I was you!

        If he's just been busy or hadn't had the chance to contact you, you have every right to be furious with him but at the same time you can be happy that at least he's ok. Let us know what happens *hugs*


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          #5
          I agree with Tanja! I would be extremely worried as well!

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            #6
            Originally posted by Tanja View Post
            I think your best option is to contact her sister on Facebook ASAP and ask if she knows anything. If she hasn't heard from him either then tell your parents how worried you are and contact his host-parents, that really seems strange and I would be worried sick too if I was you!

            If he's just been busy or hadn't had the chance to contact you, you have every right to be furious with him but at the same time you can be happy that at least he's ok. Let us know what happens *hugs*
            Maybe I read that wrong but if he's been busy so much that he hasn't had the free time to say anything, you don't have a right to be mad. You can be upset, but you can't blame someone for an outside force.

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              #7
              Being patient is so hard. IT's the unknowing that sucks. I understand why you are upset...I hope you hear something soon...
              NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013

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                #8
                Originally posted by LadyMarchHare View Post
                Maybe I read that wrong but if he's been busy so much that he hasn't had the free time to say anything, you don't have a right to be mad. You can be upset, but you can't blame someone for an outside force.
                Yeah I know but what I meant is even though if he's been super busy he could've somehow let you know he's ok.


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                  #9
                  I think it would be wisest to contact his sister so you don't keep on worrying like this. I am sure that it is tearing you apart and you need to get some informations so you can put your mind at ease.
                  He might be swamped with school but at some point during the two weeks i would have assumed he would have mustered up some energy to send you an email or something, so prehaps at the moment you are not his top priority when school is taking up all his time.

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                    #10
                    Sorry for such a late reply to everyone. I've been really busy and worried with this.
                    It's now been 4 weeks to date, and I've still gotten no word from him.
                    I added his sister (who's now a college freshman) on Facebook, thinking that she wouldn't add me in a really long time (I assumed she would be just as busy as he is), but to my surprise, she confirmed me later that very same day. Along with the friend request I sent her a message, just saying something like, "Hey, how is everyone? I haven't heard anything for about 4 weeks," but she never responded to that. And I doubt she ever will.
                    So today I sent him another letter, really begging him to respond this time, but I don't know if he'll reply anytime at all soon. I've decided that if I don't get any word from him this Sunday, I'll send his sister another message. But I'm really worried that she won't reply to it either--I know that this sounds really stupid since I'm so worried, but I'm afraid that she thinks I'm just a nuisance. The computer is in her room, so every time me and my boyfriend talked (which was either really early or late at night), he'd have to wake her up, and I've never actually talked to her otherwise.

                    Wish me luck

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                      #11
                      something sounds a little fishy to me. If something happened to him I'm sure his sister would have told you. Since you said you hadn't heard anything for 4 weeks, I'm sure she would have said something to her brother about it...which makes me think maybe her brother said something to her and told her not to talk to you. I would say try his sister one more time...just say you are worried because you haven't heard from him, so you want to see if he is okay. If she doesn't reply than you may want to think about moving on. I know that isn't what you want to hear but it seems like he doesn't care to me. You said before that he was really stressed out and unhappy...I'm sure that has alot to do with it. But at the same time he needs to consider your feelings. There is only so much you can do...relationships take two people.
                      it's not a dream anymore, it's worth fighting for

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                        #12
                        Ok, thank goodness. I got a reply from his sister today.

                        "taiwan's educatiom is kinda carzy he got to get up really early and be home around 7 at night if he has cramschool
                        after school he'll be home like 10 or 11 but after that he still have to do his home work till midnight he must be
                        freaking tired everyday he has no time for computer tv or other stuff every student in taiwan just like him everyday study study study all day well i haven't talk to him for a while he is sooooo busy"

                        (English isn't her first language, so there are a few errors in there, but it's still ok)

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                          #13
                          even if he's a little busy theres nothing stopping him for getting online for a few minutes or calling you and at least telling you he's ok! that would be respectful in my opinion, even if your busy least call and tell me your ok

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                            #14
                            Hi OP, I don't know if you've read another post here which is also about losing contact with a boyfriend. I've read stories like this elsewhere as well. I personally think a person can never be too busy to contact his/her SO, there're 1440 minutes in a day and spending 5 minutes should never be a problem except he/she is in some extreme situation (phone/internet is not accessible, etc). And I'm Chinese, believe me, Taiwan is not that terrible. Even if Chinese is not his native language and he needs to make extre effort at school, too busy to make any contact in 4 weeks is just not right for me. Sorry!

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