Just a thought...

[Heavenly_Love12]

I think we have all felt that way. I know my SO and I will get into an argument but that does not mean we care about each other less than when we are getting along well. I do think that the distance makes it more difficult because you can't actually have an argument with them sitting or standing right by you and more effort goes into it to not end it before anything is resolved. We got into an argument when he came to visit and it was much easier to resolve it quickly being in person but I think learning how to communicate effectively when having an argument LD has helped us much more than if we were CD. No matter what, I love my SO very much and understand that disagreements and arguments will occur; I believe it's all about loving the person even during times you may not like them very much.

[jana89]

After my SOīs last visit I realized, we never argue while being apart, always "save" it for when we are physically together. I think it is because both of us read a lot from the body language, which isnīt really possible over internet, and also the distance is hard enough as it is. During his last visit we fought almost constantly, anyhows before he had left we said we still love each other and we will make it work again (more about it in my blog). I believe that feelings of sadness or doubts or anger can appear from time to time in any relationship, no matter if CD or LD, but love should always win over those feelings.

[Lovebee]

Interesting that this thread has appeared in my feed today. I've had to really dig deep for my sense of forgiveness this morning, towards a few people. When I disagree or argue with my SO, I do not love him any less. The sense of conflict is at odds with love, which is why it feels so terrible to fight with each other.

In an effort to be rid of an issue that has dogged our relationship for a few months, I've been looking for words of wisdom on forgiveness. One of my favourite quotes (although I think it's almost too succint) is this: "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." I've been watching a series on Youtube entitled "Consider Forgiveness" in which holy leaders from all religions around the world discuss forgiveness.

Notably, they all say much the same thing, and they say that to forgive, you must love. I have at times threatened my SO with "deal breakers" - i.e. if you do suchandsuch, I'll leave you. I'm realising more and more that if I am not able to forgive him for mistakes, for poor decisions, for words said in anger or pain, for being human (we are none of us perfect), then I can't reasonably claim to love him. Love is beyond these things. If I want to be with him, every test of our relationship must be overcome with love, and leaving hurt feelings behind.

It's by no means an easy mindset to get into, but it helps me not to become blinkered by anger or self-pity. There are two of us in the relationship, we must both be prepared to work at it, and both be prepared to forgive.