Met online vs met in person relationships

[pytsip]

So, as I was reading the ldr stories, I realized that a lot of people on here met their SO online. I'm kind of curious as to what the ratio is between people who met their SO online as opposed to people who met their SO in person. Do you think it's difficult to sometimes relate to those who are opposite from your situation or do you think that the two situations are similar? Sometimes I feel as though it's hard for me to relate to people who met their SO through the internet because I have not and I don't know if the things I face in my ldr are the same as the things that you face in yours. So I'm just curious as to what everyone else thinks.

[Tanja]

I met my SO online and in my opinion when you're in a LDR to begin with your whole relationship is based almost merely on communication and that's why you form a really deep and close connection to that person. Or at least that's my case, I've never been able to talk to my CD boyfriends like I can talk to Andy, just about anything and everything. Probably why the being apart is way much harder too.

[JoMarie]

I think that anyone that ends up LDR, regardless as to how they met can relate to each other. I mean people in military relationships can end up LD for three years at a time, and they've most likely met in person. I think what brings everyone together and helps this forum act more like a family rather than a just a support system is that the one thing we all have in common is that we know what its like to long to be in our SOs arms, and every day lives. Some people here including myself have overcome the LD and are CD now, but we still know what you are all going through because we've been through it to.

[pytsip]

Tanja - This is very interesting to me because in my relationship, we were much closer to each other when we were well, closer to each other haha. I grew accustomed to being able to call him any time that i wanted, being able to text him any time I wanted, and seeing him on a regular basis, so the communication thing for me was much easier when he was here. I guess when you start out in a LDR you have to rely on that from the get go, I think the hardest part in our relationship is understanding that we don't have the resources to communicate with each other as we did when we were in a cdr.

JoMarie - the things that you mention are the things that I can relate to with anyone in a LDR. That part isn't difficult to me and that's why I love being here and having this family that understands that void that we all have. However, the communication things, as Tanja said, I think at least for my CDR turned LDR, differs a lot from those who were always in a LDR, the way that my boyfriend and I communicated while we were CD was turned upside down when he moved, I guess what I can take from those people who have always been in a LDR is to learn how to make the communication better between us, because that is something that those of you who have always done it are pros at, because as Tanja said, that's what the relationship is based on is the strong communication and emotional connection that has to be there.

[Zephii]

I agree with what Tanja said, that's pretty much how I felt with Obi and I... Though I felt that because we were always long distance the distance wasn't as hard for us than a couple who'd been together a long time in person before parting.
I think the real difference between the two is a lot of people who met online still have not met in person, which is a complication.

[Rosebud]

I'm one of those people who has also never physically met her SO (crossing my fingers for October though!) and I do believe there is a big difference between those who have been with their SO's in person before going long distance and those who met one another online. This isn't necessarily a bad thing at all since it gives us all a unique experience we can share, but there is still a huge difference nonetheless. Someone who was with their SO can miss and yearn for specific details about their partner, feel that longing for what they once had, however they won't know the alternatively unique pain of missing what you never had. Or sometimes I believe it's easier for people who have been with their SO's in person not to doubt their relationship as much as they have the experience of their being together already to fall back onto, whereas someone from a strictly online relationship may have a few more worries listening to the words of someone they've never been able to hold in their arms.

I don't believe LDR's are overall easier or harder on one type of a couple over another, but I do absolutely believe they have their differences.

[pytsip]

Or sometimes I believe it's easier for people who have been with their SO's in person not to doubt their relationship as much as they have the experience of their being together already to fall back onto, whereas someone from a strictly online relationship may have a few more worries listening to the words of someone they've never been able to hold in their arms.

I think that it's a different kind of doubt, or at least for me it is. I don't doubt for an instant that we have a good relationship, the thing that I wonder about is if it's going to be the same once we are reunited. Our experiences change us, and I think inevitably my boyfriend will come back a different person, I truly believe that I will love the person he has become (because I already see the changes and have faith in them) but it's always still at the back of my mind as to who he is going to be when he comes home and is our relationship going to be the same?

[folclor]

Honestly, I think the attraction and everything, on levels, are the same. It's rather ignorant and idiotic when people discredit online relationships just because of a few stories they heard a long time ago on the news. At the same time, it's easier to lie about who you are (if you REALLY wanted to) online than it is in person. Then again, most people in online relationships that are honest spend time with each other over phone and/or webcam. So I'm glad you're not saying that online relationships are invalid. ^^

But, yes, sometimes it is hard to relate to someone if they have a different situation. I've seen enough CDs go LD, though, that it seems more like a social norm to me and I can relate to either one. ^^;

[pytsip]

Not at all am I saying that online relationships are invalid, it's just not something that I'm used to and the whole reason I kinda posted this thread was for those of us in different situations to be able to understand the differences and the relationships between the two types of relationships because honestly up until now, I really had no idea. Sometimes I read people's posts and I wish that I could comment on it, but I always think in the back of my mind that my situation is different from theirs. I can't imagine putting all that faith in someone that I have never personally met. Honestly, I feel like it's easier for those in LDR who have always been in them to relate to those of us who are coming from a cdr entering into a ldr. I think the same things I go through are very similar to all ldr, but I think there's an added element to ones that started without having ever actually met because of the whole thing about never having actually met.

[Caitlin2009]

well being in only one other "relationship" before Denise, it is alot better because you have the communication aspect of it, and like Tanja said i can tell Denise anything and i know she'll always be there to encourage, cheer me up, kick my ass(if i say something bad about my weight or whatever lol) or just talk to me. She wont judge me based on what i say and i think thats what normal CD relationships lack most of the time. its important to communicate with your partner no matter the distance, you dont have that then your relationship is in trouble

[Zephii]

Well, then there's the people who met online, and have also met in person. They are having faith in someone they've actually met, but have usually spent far more time talking deeply than people who originally met in person. Meeting online takes away a lot of the pressure to be physically attractive, I feel more like Obi fell for who I am because for years all he had were a couple of photos. He didn't see my imperfections, I got to warn him first, and he didn't see that when I try I can be attractive. It really didn't matter what I looked like, and I didn't truly know what he looked like until we met in person either, which helped me be less shallow.
Meeting in person (at least for me) changes the dynamic of the LDR. You finally know what you're missing, and you have the security of "this is right". You lose the worry that you wont be physically compatable.

[machstx]

I think that it's a different kind of doubt, or at least for me it is. I don't doubt for an instant that we have a good relationship, the thing that I wonder about is if it's going to be the same once we are reunited. Our experiences change us, and I think inevitably my boyfriend will come back a different person, I truly believe that I will love the person he has become (because I already see the changes and have faith in them) but it's always still at the back of my mind as to who he is going to be when he comes home and is our relationship going to be the same?

i have the exact doubts except we have both changed.

[greeneyes]

We met online but were not truely LDR till 8 months into our relationship. He was at school 90 miles away then lived with me 5 days of the week durring his summer classes and then moved 500 miles away. We chatted online for about a month before we met in person, then spent 4 months seeing eachother on the weekends, then pretty much lived together for 3 months. I am not sure exactly if there is a category for us...

[machstx]

ive i had both. online realtionships and CDR and now an LDR. for me the online was easier. the levels of connection were much different in both. the online we spent hours upon hours, days talking on the phone and iming. we talked about every accpect of ourselves, experiences, likes, dislikes etc. i wanted to spend days on the phone with him. we didnt have trust isses because we were infatuated with eachother. but they eventually fell out of love with me or i them.

with my current LDR we stared out a CDR. we dont spend as much time on the phone as the online. and have never spent a full day on the phone lol. we know eachother on so many different levels. and its much harder. but im more in love with him than ive ever been.

i think its very different for every person and your circumstances really make a difference.

[noodle]

well I've met my SO online and havent met him in person yet, but I can still relate to people who have met their SO already or before the LDR started.
Just like Tanja already said I feel so close to Chris that I tell him EVERYTHING even basically the most embarassing things for me (it takes me some time but in the end I tell him). Even if we're so many miles apart we are still so close that for me it actually doesnt even feel like we've never met before. It feels more like we met and than one of us had to go back home so we have the distance again.
The probably only plus about meetin first and then goin into a LDR is that you already met your SO so no one can say "oh you havent met him you dont know who he is" and all that. Plus its not your virtual boyfriend >_>
But other than that I think its basically the same.