Pulling away?

[Keisha]

I have noticed that people always say when a guy pulls away, you should do the same and he will come back. But does this work for long distance relationships? I am debating on whether I want to try this in my relationship or not. Has anyone ever tried this?

[Dezface]

If you have a legitimate relationship, that's a bad idea. Perhaps you could explore what's causing him to pull away. Doing what he's doing is just playing a game that's unlikely to end well.

[differentcountries]

Don't chase an unwilling person. But do talk to your SO. Be curious about him. While nobody likes a nagger, most people like others to genuinely care about them and their reasons.

[youngisthan]

I think first you try to be there for him and care for him show that you are making effort for your relation, if then to he is pulling away than you do the same.
So if he ask you afterwards than you will have the point to say that i have made effort from my side but you was not showing any response so what shall i do now.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I have noticed that people always say when a guy pulls away, you should do the same and he will come back. But does this work for long distance relationships? I am debating on whether I want to try this in my relationship or not. Has anyone ever tried this?

It depends on what you mean by pulling away, and why. Does it mean cutting down on communication because of long work hours, stress, tiredness, or other problems? Or does it mean blocking communications out of anger, suddenly cutting off communication?

My SO cuts back when he is stressed out, tired, etc. because of his heavy work load. I had been wondering why he has been slow to respond to my messages, and why he sometimes falls asleep when we are chatting. Well, he told me it's because he is working 70 hours a week with his very stressful job, in addition to family obligations, etc. But he hasn't cut off communication, and contacts me when he can. Sometimes he just needs time for himself, but often he wants me to hang around too, when he's alone and just relaxing watching TV. When he needs space, I get busy with my own life. He does the same for me.

[peppypenguin]

I have noticed that people always say when a guy pulls away, you should do the same and he will come back. But does this work for long distance relationships? I am debating on whether I want to try this in my relationship or not. Has anyone ever tried this?

I don't even think people in closed distance relationships should try this. It's very much one of those "playing the game" scenarios which I think are almost always a bad idea. Like other posters have said, try to find out what is wrong, and see if maybe he is pulling away because he needs some space or going through a stressful time. Pointedly pulling yourself away to try and illicit the response you want seems sort of manipulative. Just try to keep in mind that different people need space when you may not. So definitely just try to be communicative and find out what's wrong. And if he needs a bit of space...that's okay! Good luck

[nottheprincesspeach]

This may just be a phrasing things, but I don't believe in pulling away so much as giving him his space. When my SO seems to be pulling away I ask him to contact me at some point (tell him when I would really appreciate it), but I understand if he needs his space. I ask for some form of communication. I may try not to overload him with messages if he isn't responding, but I'll send another eight plus hours later if I haven't heard from him. In our relationship, this works quite well because he gets busy with work or distracted and forgets all about his phone.

[RachelAnne]

I don't agree that you should also pull away when your SO is acting distant. Like others have said, find out what's wrong and what's actually causing him to act more distant towards you. Let him know you are here for him if he needs you, but I don't think you should ignore him without knowing what the problem is.

[Hollandia]

There is a big difference between pulling away and not suffocating someone. Maybe he is just adjusting back to normal life's routines. In the beginning he might have been pushing stuff off and now he has to take care of those other responsibilities. It could be anything. I would ask him and then decide if you both need to give each other some space or not. What you are asking really does fall into one of those dreaded mind games. If you want space, so say. Don't assume doing so, will bring him around anymore often. Most people are not mind readers.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I really feel like the rules are different in an LDR, where communication is the life-blood of the relationship. When you haven't met physically, because of meeting online, or have to go months at a time without physical contact because of distance issues, then keeping the communications channels open is vital. If one pulls away, and the other does too, then there is danger of cutting off the life-blood of the relationship, especially if it happens abruptly, with no reason or no discernible cause. If one or the other needs space, as we all do, then say so, and reassure the other that it's only for a while, and keep the channels open anyway, don't block each other. Always be there for each other, in case of an emergency, or meltdown. Don't play games...other than the fun flirty ones.

[Kanga]

Are you talking about the "rubberband theory"?

[Luc]

I have noticed that people always say when a guy pulls away, you should do the same and he will come back. But does this work for long distance relationships? I am debating on whether I want to try this in my relationship or not. Has anyone ever tried this?

Men are like a rubber band. When a man pulls away, he will come back to you eventually. It's best to do nothing. Don't pull away yourself. Don't put pressure on him either. Instead, tell him you feel like he's pulling away and ask him why he is doing that. If he asks for space, give him space. If he doesn't want to tell you, don't nag about it, instead give him space and ask him about it later when he comes back. If he seems to be unaware of his behavior, try to make him understand how you see things and how it makes you feel. Work things out, but only do so when he seems ready. Don't overload him with questions when he's pulling away, instead ask him when comes back to you. If he loves you, then he will come back.

[Keisha]

I have been trying to talk to him about it for a while. It seems like he doesn't understand what he's doing wrong. Or he doesn't care. I do think I give him enough space. He started pulling away after he visited me. By pulling away I mean he's being distant. He's been like this for a while. And yes, I was talking about the rubber band theory.

[piratemama]

I have been trying to talk to him about it for a while. It seems like he doesn't understand what he's doing wrong. Or he doesn't care. I do think I give him enough space. He started pulling away after he visited me. By pulling away I mean he's being distant. He's been like this for a while. And yes, I was talking about the rubber band theory.

Ah, after he visited you! That makes sense. I've heard of that happening in several LDRs, when the visit is over. He's probably having a tough time apart from you. He might be missing you and having a difficult time expressing that. Don't play games, but don't nag. You should feel comfortable talking with him about it, though. It is likely to get better with time.

[Keisha]

Thanks everyone. Piratemama, I think you're right. Whenever I mention to him about how he's changed, he seems to avoid the subject and tells me that he's going to try to visit me soon.