Originally posted by Keisha
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Pulling away?
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Originally posted by Keisha View PostThanks. If this is the reason for him to be pulling away, how can I talk to him without him pulling further away? I want to talk to him and learn to understand him without appearing needy or clingy.
Edit: The best way to approach it is by asking questions. Asking questions always sounds less accusatory than making statements (unless you'd ask rhetorical questions, that could seriously piss him off, but you're probably not gonna do that). The most important thing I can probably say is; don't be afraid to express your own feelings. As long as you express your feelings in a calm, kind and loving way, you should be 100% fine and he will probably want to work with you to find a solution right away.Last edited by Luc; April 10, 2014, 10:09 PM.
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He told me that he's willing to work things out. But it seems like he wants to wait until he visits me again. About pulling away when he's being himself, he hasn't been the same since he left. Before he visited, we both made the effort to talk. But now we only talk when I start the conversation. Sometimes I can tell he wants to talk and sometimes not.
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Originally posted by Luc View PostEdit: The best way to approach it is by asking questions. Asking questions always sounds less accusatory than making statements (unless you'd ask rhetorical questions, that could seriously piss him off, but you're probably not gonna do that). The most important thing I can probably say is; don't be afraid to express your own feelings. As long as you express your feelings in a calm, kind and loving way, you should be 100% fine and he will probably want to work with you to find a solution right away.
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Originally posted by Keisha View PostHe told me that he's willing to work things out. But it seems like he wants to wait until he visits me again. About pulling away when he's being himself, he hasn't been the same since he left. Before he visited, we both made the effort to talk. But now we only talk when I start the conversation. Sometimes I can tell he wants to talk and sometimes not.
I've heard from many people that sometimes a visit can give someone a "post-visit blues". I've heard it happens more often with men than with women. I haven't experienced this myself yet, but it could explain his behavior. When was the last time you saw visited each other? If it wasn't a long time ago, I wouldn't worry too much about his pulling away.
Also, you having to start the conversations all the time might be very annoying, but also not something to be worried about. The honeymoon period is over and the period of comfort has kicked in. This is when most people start to put less effort into their relationship because they feel comfortable with their current situation. They feel they made it, they succeeded, they got what they want, so now they no longer have to fight for it. Of course this isn't true, and most people find that out the hard way when friction and resentment starts to occur due to one of the partners getting a bit too comfortable and showing too little initiative or effort.
Talk about this with your SO and see what he thinks. Ask him about it.
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I also agree on asking questions. Sometimes when my SO and I play a game online he gets so focused that he forgets to talk and I get really bored and a little uncomfortable with the silence. So I would think of a question and ask (it is also good because it breaks his concentration and helps me win!) and he always answers.
You can also watch a movie together (something not too romantic or sad perhaps) and then ask him what he thought about it.
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Originally posted by OperaDiva View PostI also agree on asking questions. Sometimes when my SO and I play a game online he gets so focused that he forgets to talk and I get really bored and a little uncomfortable with the silence. So I would think of a question and ask (it is also good because it breaks his concentration and helps me win!) and he always answers.
You can also watch a movie together (something not too romantic or sad perhaps) and then ask him what he thought about it.
I also agree with playing games, i think if you can find a good one (which i'm actively searching for right now) it can be a great source of conversation
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