Not enough Face Time

[BraveTangledPrincess]

I know I have posted about this before, but I'm going to do it this time, with only this topic, instead of three.

My SO and I are 2,336 miles away and have a 3 hour time difference. He works every 2/3 days, then has 2/3 off, working 12 hour shifts. I know that when he comes home from work, he is tired, and I value him being able to squeeze in a face-time session. I have been given more hours at work, and I don't get out till he's usually sleeping. It's rare we even get days off together, but days we do, he is always doing something else. He has spent more time with his friends than he has with me in the last 3 weeks. I figure, if he can set aside 3 hours for his friends, why can't he set aside 3 hours for me? i don't care if it's 3 hours, even just 1 would be a nice change. The only time we skype/facetime, is when he can squeeze me in.

I truly am grateful that I get hone calls and the occasional seeing each other's face. But we haven't spent time, quality time in a very long time. What do I do?

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I know I have posted about this before, but I'm going to do it this time, with only this topic, instead of three.

My SO and I are 2,336 miles away and have a 3 hour time difference. He works every 2/3 days, then has 2/3 off, working 12 hour shifts. I know that when he comes home from work, he is tired, and I value him being able to squeeze in a face-time session. I have been given more hours at work, and I don't get out till he's usually sleeping. It's rare we even get days off together, but days we do, he is always doing something else. He has spent more time with his friends than he has with me in the last 3 weeks. I figure, if he can set aside 3 hours for his friends, why can't he set aside 3 hours for me? i don't care if it's 3 hours, even just 1 would be a nice change. The only time we skype/facetime, is when he can squeeze me in.

I truly am grateful that I get hone calls and the occasional seeing each other's face. But we haven't spent time, quality time in a very long time. What do I do?

I am in a similar boat, except I get much less time than you do. We have 16 hours between us. He is working 70 hours a week, plus has family obligations, goes out with his mates occasionally, and has household chores and yard work. Sometimes, he is just too tired and stressed out to chat, sometimes he falls asleep on chat, sometimes we only can chat a few minutes. We chat sporadically, a few times a week (but sometimes several times in a day, depending on his work load for that day), and Skype once or twice a month. I wish we had more time on Skype, and I told him that last night, and he said we will have more times on Skype in the future. He is planning to semi-retire in a few months, and just work part time. We will have more time then. Meanwhile, it isn't enough contact to suit me, but it is what it is, for now, and he does give me what he can.

As for what to do...stay busy! That's all any of us can do in this situation. Work on hobbies, fitness, take a class, go out with friends, watch TV or a movie on Netflix, pamper yourself. And don't complain to him, when he is doing all he can do. He has a limit as we all do, and sometimes he needs time for himself, alone or with friends. Appreciate what he does for you, and love him as he is. It's worked for us for 4 years. I wouldn't trade him for the world.

[piratemama]

All you can do is talk with him about it, being careful how you phrase it. You don't want to seem too needy or to nag. I started to feel that everybody else came first, only because I'm so many miles away. If a guy CD wanted to spend time with me, he'd have to call and work out a time ahead of time. If he would simply show up at my door, I'd likely be busy, not dressed, or not home. For some reason a LD guy or girl doesn't feel that way. They think they can do everything else out with friends and family and catch us whenever. It makes us feel like leftovers. Not a good feeling. Explain clearly how you feel, don't start statements out with "you make me" or "you should." It's better to say "I feel hurt," for example. Also, tell him what would make you feel better, so he'll know what you need. If you can give him a clear picture of what is going on, he's more likely to respond positively.

[differentcountries]

Tell him ; I long for closeness and I think more Face Time would bring that. At the same time, I want to be able to plan my life. How could we make that work?

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Tell him ; I long for closeness and I think more Face Time would bring that. At the same time, I want to be able to plan my life. How could we make that work?

I love what you just wrote! I have trouble telling my super-busy SO how I feel and that I would like more Skype with him. And I have often felt that if possible we really need to plan our time together.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

All you can do is talk with him about it, being careful how you phrase it. You don't want to seem too needy or to nag. I started to feel that everybody else came first, only because I'm so many miles away. If a guy CD wanted to spend time with me, he'd have to call and work out a time ahead of time. If he would simply show up at my door, I'd likely be busy, not dressed, or not home. For some reason a LD guy or girl doesn't feel that way. They think they can do everything else out with friends and family and catch us whenever. It makes us feel like leftovers. Not a good feeling. Explain clearly how you feel, don't start statements out with "you make me" or "you should." It's better to say "I feel hurt," for example. Also, tell him what would make you feel better, so he'll know what you need. If you can give him a clear picture of what is going on, he's more likely to respond positively.

That is precisely how I often feel, like I get the leftovers after his job, his family, his friends, his life, takes most of his time and energy. He prefers spontaneity, and feels like he can't plan a good time to talk to me, because of the distractions and interruptions of his life. I feel like we would do better if we could plan a regular time for some uninterrupted US time. He sometimes gets interrupted by his kids or unexpected guests, then tries to keep chatting with me anyway, or says he will chat later, but then he doesn't get back with me. And it has been awkward a few times on Skype, because his son has come in during an intimate moment (I don't know why he doesn't lock the bedroom or bathroom door). So I think a regular planned time for US would be good, if he would keep the appointment and not allow interruptions, or at least get back with me when he says he will.