Akward Question.

[Roxie]

What should I do?
He's upset and not speaking to me for the last 2 days. The dilemma is...Should I return the new cell phone he paid for? He added me to his account and also signed a 2 year contract. He hasn't officially said it's over, but how long do I wait before I let him know I want to send him back his phone. I am afraid to ask him for fear it may set him into overdrive and that may be the breaking point.

What do I do? How long should I wait?

I have been asked "WHAT DID HE DO?"
I wasn't sure I was allowed to speak about it, but okay since you asked. He and I met through a website that we both have been on for awhile. He thought I shouldn't spend so much time on there. He himself was going to close his account. So I decided I'd close mine too.
He never did so asked him about it at night while we relaxed. He said he would no longer log on and instead forward his friends his email to keep in touch.

I couldn't leave it be at that. I Took it into the next day and how it was deceptive and dishonest. I told him I don't care if he leaves his account open or not. I felt patronized... he got so upset and said I'm on thin ice. He hasn't talked to me since...


My story- in a nut shell.

[TaraMarie]

Well, that depends on what caused him to be upset to begin with.

[Roxie]

TaraMarie

I wasn't sure I was allowed to speak about it, but okay since you asked. He and I met through a website that we both have been on for awhile. He thought I shouldn't spend so much time on there. He himself was going to close his account. So I decided I'd close mine too.
He never did so asked him about it at night while we relaxed. He said he would no longer log on and instead forward his friends his email to keep in touch.

I couldn't leave it be at that. I Took it into the next day and how it was deceptive and dishonest. I told him I don't care if he leaves his account open or not. I felt patronized... he got so upset and said I'm on thin ice. He hasn't talked to me since...


My story- in a nut shell.

[silvermoonfairy3]

What is he upset about? Did he tell you he needed time to think?

[Moon]

You keep being asked because your post is very confusing and unclear. You keep saying "I wasn't sure I was allowed to speak about it, but okay since you asked." which kind of makes no sense. I'm getting that he put you on his cell phone plan, then got mad, and now two days later you want to return it. OK, if you feel the relationship is over, put it in a box and mail it to him.

Why he's angry, and the website thing isn't that comprehensible, maybe give the non-nutshell version? I am sorry, but I can't make heads or tails out of it. I'm not being mean, I'm trying to make it so that you can be advised.

[Roxie]

Moon,
it does sound confusing. I thought since I kept getting asked the question I'd just add it to the thread post. I'm new at all this I apologize. He hasn't yet told me anything about the phone or otherwise, with our relationship. I'm a bit confused myself that's why I asked how long should I wait before retuning the phone or bringing it up to him? That's all...
This is my first long distance relationship and I heard you have to have lots of patience.

[nerdgasm42]

I would give it time. Give him a little bit of space, and then let him know you'd like to talk about things. From an outside perspective, you approached the situation very strongly. Explain nicely to him why it upset you, without using words that sound like you are accusing him of things. Putting someone on your cell phone contract is actually a huge deal. Just think about how much the equipment costs, the overage fees, the cancelled-line fees, etc. That, to me, shows he is pretty serious about you.

[Roxie]

Thank you I needed to hear that. I was harsh, I like him a whole lot too and hope he will reply to me soon. I'm also wondering do I keep the channels open by at least texting him once a day? I feel I'm bothering him if I do this.

[nerdgasm42]

If I was in your situation, I would send him a text apologizing for being harsh, and saying you'd like to talk whenever he feels comfortable. That shows him that you are approaching the situation calmly and you're ready to talk rationally. Let him know that you're sorry you were harsh, and that you acted that way because your feelings were hurt. Let him know that you trust him. LDRs are very difficult, but can be very rewarding, but any relationship needs trust. Take a deep breath and give it a shot. Don't give up.

[Roxie]

Thanks I just did tell him... "This jerk misses you." I'll text him again to tell him that of what you replied or suggest. He may get upset he's a professor at a university so it might bother him. No! I better not I'll save it for tomorrow mornings message if he doesn't reply today. DAY 3

[squeeker]

Good luck! I think nerdgasm gave good advice. Give it time, take a deep breath, and let him know you want to be able to talk to him calmly about it and explain how you felt, so he doesn't feel like he is pressuring you. If you act too quickly about giving him back the phone and giving up the relationship, he might take it as a sign you don't want to be in a relationship with him. Maybe you feel guilty that he bought you the phone? Though you really shouldn't, if he could afford it and stuff, because it's likely he did it so he could communicate easier with you and more often and be able to know you are safe. Just give it time, and try not to overreact. From your original post, you seemed quite distressed and in a bit of a panic mode, which doesn't help anything. I hope things work out for you two, good luck with everything.

[jezebot]

I'm a bit confused about why the phone is your main focus. I would wait a bit and see what happens. If you suggest returning the phone now, I think that would imply to him that you want to end the relationship. He might just need a few days to cool off after the argument. People fight sometimes-- it doesn't necessarily mean the end. Give him some time, and if the phone concerns him, I'm sure he'll let you know.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I totally agree with the other posters. Take a deep breath and calm down. Don't panic, don't hurry to send back the phone. Obviously, he's serious about you, or he wouldn't have put you on his mobile plan. Accept it as his gift to BOTH of you, to help with communications. Apologize, and try to get back on track with him. If the guilt is getting to you, or you just can't accept the phone as a gift, you could offer to help pay the bill, or do something nice for him.

[Roxie]

Thanks, Sqeeker for the support and advice. Day 4
he still hasn't spoke to me Although I broke down my pride and sent him a long text.

[Roxie]

Jezbot,
I'm so glad that I've been fortunate to find support. I appreciate the part you said about "if he is concerned about the phone he will let me know." I finally sent him a long message yesterday about how I care about him and I did mention the phone.
He still hasn't got back to me. I guess you're right if that's a concern he'll let me know. You asked why I'm concerned about the phone. I feel guilt I hope that explains your question.