I need advice on what to do. Help!!!

[purplefae]

Okay hi guys. Ive been on this site for a while but not as active.
There has been a lot of things going on in my life which have been stressing me out a lot.
I've suffered from post traumatic disorder from an event that happened in my life. I was depressed for a while.
Anyways, my SO or whatever he stands as now has been very... Difficult?
Okay so I have had times where I felt suicidal and he was there for me.
We met in October and he's been with me since but recently he's been distancing himself telling me that I need time to focus on myself and that I shouldn't worry about relationships. He thinks I'm not ready to be in one yet or anywhere close to it.
It's really bothering me because I've tried really hard to get better and I've improved a lot within myself, learning how to cope with my emotions and catching up on college work.two weeks ago we were on a "break" and when we did talk it just strained me out. He'd be so emotionless and didn't show his caring/emotional side. I feel like he's not feeling as much pain as I am.
He keeps telling me he knew he shouldn't have gotten in a relationship with me but he was selfish.
He even called me selfish for wanting everything when I wasn't ready.
Surely you know when you're ready for something? Or when love happens it just does, you can't control it. I don't know what my so thinks my feelings are made of. I can't lock them away whenever he wants and get it out when he wants. A week ago he said a song reminded me of him and it was called need you now by lady antebellum. It was an emotional song for me because I imagined his emotions through it but the way he is with me and the sides he's showing me says the complete opposite. I've tried being understanding but the more I do, the more distant we get? If that makes any sense.
I just don't know what to do. It's been upsetting me a lot and I can't seem to talk about friends with this.
Thank you all for reading and if you can give me your perspective it will help a lot.

[kittyxuchiha11]

To me it actually seems like he doesn't understand mental illness or how it really works. by the sounds of it he's jut seeing you as these things for the attention or whatever other reason he could think it's for. the thing with mental illness is that it's portrayed as everyone always gets better and romance always makes it better but when in reality we know that isn't the case.
It might not really help but i would try maybe trying to educate him on the subject and tell him how you feel and how you want him to respond to things you say when you're having those feelings. if anything it could help him understand and hopefully make him a bit more patient and considerate with you :3

[squeeker]

Hi My boyfriend has PTSD from a number of past events in his childhood and then some things that were connected that happened a few years ago. I also have some anxiety but when I have seen his, I feel sometimes that I don't have anxiety at all, but it rears it's ugly head at times still.

I think that maybe he doesn't understand PTSD enough. Recently I was trying to research PTSD again, trying to find some insight into what my boyfriend goes through and found this lovely forum (My PTSD . com) and it helped me a lot because I read through other people's stories and realized a lot of the things that my boyfriend goes through that were connected to PTSD when I didn't realize it before.. It's a horrible thing to go through. I think that you have to understand that your 'SO' might not be ready, maybe he's overwhelmed, maybe he feels like you could do better, maybe he doesn't want to take care of someone, maybe he's actually meaning that HE is not ready for a relationship. Because a good relationship supports each other through each moment, good and bad. Are you going through therapy? As long as you are taking care of yourself, and learning the new techniques and trying to grow and get stronger again, don't worry about this guy. It's not good for your mental health if he doesn't want to stand by you, you need to find people who will stand by you through all your moments, good and struggling. Especially when you are trying to get better.

You can try and explain to him more of how PTSD affects you and how you are trying but it's not something that goes away overnight. But try not to let this get you too down okay, you are worth someone who will stick with you through every thing. But maybe he just needs time with no talking, quiet time, to sort out his mind, and figure out what he wants and maybe he feels doubt about his ability to help you. I know my boyfriend, although he's the one with PTSD, when he is upset about something he will usually need quiet time and if I start getting emotional and wanting to explain my thoughts or try and talk at all, it will usually make it worse for him, he needs quiet and often music helps him to think things through. Maybe he just needs time. Just try and relax and not get too anxious.. as much as I know it's hard, too much anxiety is not good for us and isn't going to help anything. Maybe try and distract yourself so you don't get tempted to message him until he's ready to talk or something? I'm not sure.. but I hope things work out for you, I know PTSD is horrible and I hope you get the support you need.

[purplefae]

Thanks guys. What you have said was helpful. I spoke to him yesterday about making a decision. Before he gave me three options. One was to carry on talking the way we are, the second is not talk to him at all then maybe later and the third as he says it is not accept the "truth".
He really doesn't understand the way he's making me feel. He keeps bringing up past arguments which happened when I was suffering severely from PTSD and events happening then.
The last thing I told him was that he helped me make the choice I made which was not to talk to him at all and ofcourse he replied to justify and tell me that it's am my choices. Everything I did was my choice and told me not to blame everything else.
It really upsets me the fact that the person I love could talk to me like that without even taking me feelings into consideration where as I'm always careful about the way I speak to him.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I don't mean for this to sound really discouraging or anything, but.. is it possible he's trying to end things?
Sometimes things like "you should be focusing on yourself" and such are roundabout ways of testing out a breakup. It's along the lines of "it's not you, it's me."

[Hollandia]

Give him some space and go explore other options, you are probably scaring the be-jezzus out of him. Sometimes too much too soon can kill something before it even gets in high gear. "Past arguments"? Am I missing something, you listed 4-10-2013, if you guys have this much strife in a year, many would run. Your past PTSD is a viable reason, but it doesn't mean he has to be okay with it. Sometimes people can't handle others emotional baggage and if this is the case he could indeed by breaking up in a passive aggressive way.

You might still love him the same, but it does not sound like he does. Sorry for your pain.

[Harlequin]

Hey, I too have PTSD due to an event from my life.
I entered a relationship shortly after the event, and looking back on it, I really shouldn't have. It was a terrible idea, because I personally wasn't ready for a relationship, and my ex wasn't prepared to handle wildly untreated PTSD, nor did he even know how to. We tried to make it work; I tried as hard as I could to communicate how I was feeling all the while sending him pages upon pages of (sorry for bluntness) how to deal with someone with PTSD. He even tried to do his own research, but since I wasn't being treated at all, and I was trying to fix it on my own, I was very volatile. I thought I was getting better, and in a few ways I was. I still wasn't ready for a relationship regardless of how I truly felt for him, or how he felt for me. I scared him, and looking back on it, I don't really blame him. Not everyone knows how to, or is capable of, handling someone with PTSD. It's very hard.
For me, that relationship came to a really hideous end (I tried to commit suicide, but he called my parents and it was just a huge mess). I ended up getting the help I needed, and I was finally able to look back and realize that no, I was definitely not ready to date. Our reasons for staying were selfish: I stayed because I wanted to prove I was okay and ready for a relationship, and he stayed because he wanted to "fix" me.

I agree with what others are saying in that he's probably trying to slowly break things off. Again, PTSD is a very difficult thing to deal with, and it's something that can absolutely break a relationship. I think it would be in your best interest to let him go. I'm not sure if you're still dealing with PTSD, because the way you phrased it makes it sound like you possibly still are to a lesser degree. If you are, then you need time to heal. Your boyfriend, as awful as it is, just isn't going to be the support you want him to be. He has his limits like anyone does, and it sounds like he's just reached his.
Although you're being careful about what you say, there's still that very real possibility that you're using/have used him as a crutch, which is an unfair position to put him in.

I'm not trying to shame you for anything, so I apologize if it comes off that way. Again, I think it would be best for the two of you to just cut your losses and move on. Remain friends if you want to, but I think you two need some time apart until you are both absolutely, 100% completely sure that things are okay.

I know what this is like, and I'm here for you. So if you ever need to talk, I got you.

[purplefae]

Thank you for your insights. He says he never stopped loving me and keeps telling me to focus on other things such as getting myself better. It's frustrating because even though I am bettering everything else I just can't help it when it comes to him.
I've got other problems going on with relationships such as family and my situation is a bit complicated. Ill sort myself