Languages & Communication

[Yei&Jon]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
No.

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
His is English, mine Spanish. We use English to communicate since he barely knows anything of Spanish.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
I'm the one not speaking in my native language and I learned it as I grew up watching movies in English, playing games and school helped a bit but the rest was on my own. Whenever I don't understand a word, I google it or ask my SO (mostly google) and I keep broadening my vocabulary. He has asked me what some words mean in Spanish and I elaborate but we haven't gone in depth about it yet.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
It's not really a challenge, just the fact that sometimes I don't understand what he says cause he talks so fast and vice-versa cause of my accent. But normally we just change that by asking eachother to repeat what it's said slowly.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
Not really. Of course, he's going to have the 'upper hand' on his language 'cause it is his native language just as I will with mine but it doesn't make either of us feel any powerless compared to the other.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
He currently lives in Utah (he moves around quite a bit but he's from Texas) and I live in Puerto Rico.

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
Not at all, my english is quite vast and we understand eachother very well. It's fun knowing more than one language, speaking from my point of view.

[Shangrii]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
No.

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
I speak English, and he speaks Mandarin Chinese. We talk in English, although I've started studying Mandarin (although I can only make really stupid-sounding smalltalk XD)

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
He was an exchange student this year at my school, so he's pretty proficient, but not fluent. He can speak it pretty well, but writing is more difficult for him.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
Sometimes we misunderstand each other, but then we just ask for an explanation

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
I probably have more power, but his conversation skills are good enough that it's not a problem.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
I live in the US, he lives in Taiwan.

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
No--I'm a language freak, so I think it makes everything more interesting! I love asking him how to say certain things in Chinese.

[Mayyie]

Hi guys, I am new here and thought I would take some time answering these questions

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
Nope.

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
His is English and mine in Mandarin; and we use English to communicate since it's my second language. But Tim has been learning Chinese because he wants to be able to communicate better with my family so we have been using quite some basic Mandarin when communicating.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
Although his proficiency level is not high, he has already learnt some of the basic Mandarin from his friend who is half Malaysian Chinese, half English when they were traveling in China.
--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
We have been learning lots of languages in the relationship, but mostly me teaching him Mandarin and he will correct the mistakes I make in English and have been teaching me some British slangs that they normally use so that I can understand him and his friends when they talk.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
For him to learn Mandarin it is extremely difficult and since things can be quite disastrous if certain Mandarin words is pronounced wrongly, I ended up laughing at him sometimes and almost every time he try speaking Mandarin to my family, they ended up laughing as well. It is frustrating for him of course, but it was also frustrating for me for period of time because it felt like we were spending the very little time we had with each other learning Mandarin. But we have since overcome the problem and we've also made a phrase book for each other so that we can learn the languages better.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
I guess he felt left out when I was rattling away in Mandarin with my family and friends but in the relationship we use English when it comes to serious communication.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
Tim has been traveling for the past 18 months, but next month, he'll (hopefully) be living in Singapore or London(God forbid, no. I don't want to do 6500miles).

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
I like it now because it adds a lot of fun in the relationship as we both love learning new languages! And we both love it when we correct each others' mistakes!

[Dziubka]

Yay for digging up old threads... But I think this is such an interesting topic and I enjoy reading about other international/multilingual-ldrs

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
No
2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
Mine: German, his: Polish. We usually speak Polish together, although with him getting better at German we sometimes have the easy/small-talk part of conversations in German (and it's effing adorable!)
3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
I'm minoring in Slavistics/Polish and have been learning it for 3+ years now so I'm fluent. Most people when they meet me for the first time don't hear/notice any accent...

--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
I already spoke Polish when we met, we wouldn't have gotten far otherwise but obviously being with him has improved my language skills, especially with slang vocabulary...
He has been learning German since primary school, but aparently had been pretty resistant to real success. He's really putting effort into it now, though (so he can communicate with my friends and family, and maybe find a job here) and making great progress. I fall in love a bit more everytime I talks to me in German, cause it really is the most adorable thing in the world.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
I dont really see a lot of challenges. Except that I'm quite impatient with myself, though so I'd get sort of angry (at myself!) when I can't express something the way I'd like to and I do sometimes feel stupid when he tells me something interesting/funny/shocking and I don't get it because I cant figure out one of the words. At first I felt awkward asking him about words I didn't know, but with me getting more comfortable and his increasing explaining skills that's becoming less of a problem. He's also so proud everytime I remember a word he has tought me (like.... the Polish word for cesspool. Everytime it comes up somewhere we break out in laughter.)

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
No... at least not so far.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
<- see left.
7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
No. It's perfect the way it is. We have so many inside jokes and pretty much a language of our own (Polish-German mix). It adds so much to our relationship and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Aaand I can't wait til we'll have perfectly bilingual children.

[DemonxOisin]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
Nope!
2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
I speak English and he speaks Spanish. We communicate in English because my Spanish is terrible, and he goes to university here, so speaking with me helps him to improve his own English.
3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
He went to a school in Mexico that teaches half in Spanish, half in English. Also he moved to Canada :P
--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
He spoke textbook English when we met, so I have been teaching him slang xD Also, my Spanish has improved soo much.
4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
It can really get in the way during arguments, because he can say something and mean something different, or I can say something and he understands it differently.
5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
There is support, control due to language has never really been an issue.
6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
We both live in Canada X3
7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
I would keep it! Some of our best conversations are explaining why slang words are the way they are, or explaining native words to each of us that don't have a translation.

[FadedSunrise]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
Kind of? Mandarin Chinese is the language I was born into, but I moved away from China to the US at age 8, and am now 20, having grown up the now majority of my life in America and with English. I have no accent, I sound like I'm born here. He speaks Chinese.

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
We use Mandarin, because his English sucks too much. HAHA. My conversational mandarin is pretty good, and since learning the basic 1000 characters in Beijing on my study abroad time, I've been able to pick up additional ones on my own by frequent use of google translate and diligent practice. But I do keep google translate open on chat convos just so I can look up the one or two words I dont know.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
He's self studying right now because his work schedule doesnt allow him time to commit to classes. His proficiency...is just started =_=. I can shoot him simple phrases or be too lazy to translate certain sayings(which I think he should know anyways, so I'm adding it as part of his education...HA), and I can write my letters in English-because he'll just take a long time but eventually figure it out. But other than that actually saying things to him in conversation in English is so much trouble, because he is very slow at it. And since Mandarin is not too much trouble, I'd rather go that route.

--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
In the relationship, haha. He says I'm a large part of his motivation to actually START now learning the language. Before he had a vague idea that it would be good to pick up English again because it would be a good tool in his career, but now he's actually getting the ball rolling.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges? Just a few word usage problems here and there, when I want a more specialized word in English and don't really know what it translates to in Chinese. Like when we discussed the Japanese earthquakes last month...oh boy that was a fun exercise in translating.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
No. I struggle when we have deeper conversations. He struggles...whenever he gets a letter, which is periodically. We learn, we support each other and are slow on hard things.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
China and the USA.

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?

I would change it so that he was already proficient at English. Even if it means making him ABC(American born Chinese) or something. If he was proficient at English, he would have a much better chance at finding jobs here. And he does want to move here. But at 25 starting to learn the language...about 3 months ago, I'm rather dismayed at the long hard road ahead. But ready to fight it.

[tiffinnie]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
Nope
2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
I speak only English, he speaks Portuguese (natively) and English and Spanish
3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
When we met his English was very formal... I'm in the process of slowly learning Portuguese... his English has improved sooo much its shocking.
4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
We speak in my native language but there are many things he says that can be misunderstood... maybe not because of his native language and more because he talks in riddles occasionally and refers to it as "subjective"... He uses the wrong words and it makes a mess.
5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
We have our minutes when we get frustrated with the blurred lines of communication and then a while after being pissed off about things we sit and talk it out as best as we can.
6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
US and Brazil
7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
I thought about this actually!! I love that he is still learning things and can't follow it all the time! It makes life funny and interesting.

[books]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
No.

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
I speak English (native), Italian and Spanish and he just speaks Spanish. We communicate in Spanish 100% of the time.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?

--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
When we met, I already spoke Spanish. I learned some grammar stuff thru classes over the years, but the majority of my Spanish knowledge just comes from immersion- being in an environment where I don't have the comfort of using my native language and therefore am forced to communicate in the target language. I would say I'm fluent but I have a very high standard for what fluency entails. I've worked in a Spanish speaking workplace, translated documents, explained serious medical issues to a Spanish speaking dr. and am still hard pressed to say I'm fluent. I feel like I still have a long way to go.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
A bunch of challenges have arisen. As anyone in a serious relationship, we argue, talk about current worries, share feelings of appreciation, etc...I have to express all of this to him in Spanish which can be tough. Our conversation at times moves very fast but when it gets to me having to express how I feel, it always slows down b/c I have to think of how I want to say things. Also, at times if he says something which I don't quite grasp and ask him to repeat, he'll immediately say it's b/c I wasn't paying attention. I'm like HELLO?! I don't think he understands how hard it can be sometimes.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
Yes, he definitely has more power.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
I live in the US, he lives in Nicaragua.

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
Honestly, I wouldn't change it. It motivates me to learn more.

I will say that it would be easier and more balanced if he spoke some English. I didn't speak the same native language as my ex either, but he spoke some English. So we would switch around, always trying to explain things for the other. That wasn't nearly as hard as communicating in one language all the time. My SO has never really shown interest in learning English and I'm not one to say he has to learn it. If coming to the US was part of the plan, sure...but the plan is for me to go there. So I guess he just feels like "what's the point?" I did tell him if he ever wants to learn, I'd absolutely help him out.

[prinzeza87]

uhmmm we are not in this situation, we both speak English n Spanish, n actually we use a lot of the Spanglish =p n i love the way he pronounces some spanish words

[Deleted Account]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
no we dont. my native language is spanish, and his is english

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
we use english.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
I learned to speak english because i went to a bilingual school, that teaches english as the main language.

--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
strong knowledge.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
there are a lot of slang terms that some1 like me who's not always looking out for them might not understand. So my bf may sometimes use them and im like "huh?" and then he has to explain the whole thing... lol

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
well he has more power. buts thats also because he's really good at speaking his native language, and also probably due to that, he's particularly good at debating. lol

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
He lives in US, i live in Colombia (south america)

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
i wouldnt change it. I like speaking in english.. however, i do wish he knew spanish anyways because one thing i've noticed from being bilingual is that some words dont exist in the english dictionary but they do exist in spanish. So i tend to speak a mixture of both languages whenever im around ppl that know them both. But since he doesnt, it sometimes makes it really hard to explain my thoughts because there's no word for it in english.

[mllebamako]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language? Nope

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate? His native language is Bambara and mine is English. But we both speak 3 languages at various proficiencies: English, Bambara, French. We use English probably 97% of the time.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like? He lived in the US from ages 5-15 so his English is pretty damn awesome. He usually doesn't know really complicated words since he went back to Africa at 15, so I just explain them or sometimes I say them in French and he knows them.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges? We haven't really had many challenges with this. His English is so strong that he doesn't have issues expressing himself.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible? Not within our relationship. But I definitely get jealous that he is fluent in Bambara and mine is pretty basic (we live in Africa). I sometimes feel left out when I'm around his family or friends who don't speak French.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in? He's from Cote d'Ivoire but has double nationality with Mali. I am from the USA. We live in Mali for the time being.

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it? No, I think it's interesting that we come from different backgrounds and languages. And since his English is so good, it doesn't ever hinder our communication.

[lucybelle]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language? Nope

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate? My SO's first language is Spanish, mine is English. We're both fluent in both so we use both to communicate. Right now we use English because he's living in the USA with me, but once we move to his home country we'll switch to Spanish.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like? Like I said we're both fluent in each other's language. He knows English because just about everyone in the world is taught it, and I know Spanish because I moved to his country for a year to learn it. That's where I met him.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges? Not been a huge challenge. When we get in a serious conversation we both switch back to our native languages to get our point across well.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible? Nahhh we both understand each other just fine. The problem comes when we have to talk with other native speakers of the opposite language. Like if I talk to his family (in Spanish) visa versa it gets a little harder.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in? I'm in USA, he's from Costa Rica but we're living together in USA right now. Then we'll move back to Costa Rica.

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it? No way!!!! I loveeee that he speaks Spanish!!!! I love being able to talk to him in whatever language is not native to the land and sort of like talk about people without them knowing. It's totally awesome. That and I love languages. Want to learn Italian next!

[milaya]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
No.

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
My language is Danish and his is Japanese. I also speak fluent English, but since he doesn't, we speak Japanese together, only.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like? I've been interested in Japan for many years and have slowly picked up words and phrases, which resulted in me being able to first have short conversations to now having very long conversations without any major problems. Now I also study Japanese as my major on university so my proficiency is pretty good.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges? Sometimes misunderstandings occur. Sometimes it's not so much understanding the word itself, but also the meaning behind it. Like ways of speaking. Still remember in the beginning of our relationship, he said something which offended me, then he said "you can just forget it", which made me angry and started and argument. Then he explained that "you can just forget it" is also used as "it was a joke".

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible? No, not really. Because I've always been good with words (in general), where he is a more mathematic person. So even though we speak in his native language, he often spend a lot of time picking out the right words to use. Which why he says he hate arguing with me, because I'm always able to give the strongest argumentations.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in? I live in Denmark and he lives in Japan.

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it? I wouldn't change it for the world. Being interested in Japan for so many years, having a Japanese SO is the biggest bonus, ever. Then I can also practice my Japanese every day. Besides speaking Japanese comes natural to me, no pressure.