Feeling vulnerable .. HELP

[ncm5026]

Hey guys -

I've been with my SO for a little less than 2 years now and of course we went through the honeymoon phase of not having enough of each other .. talking all the time, texting and saying cute things like 'i'm so glad i met you, you've showed me what its like to be truly loved, etc.' Well that stuff has decreased a lot, which I know is usually normal and am not worried about that.

What worries me is that if I do say something like 'i'm excited to see you' or 'i miss you' ... i don't always get the 'i'm excited too or i miss you too'. Also, if I text him something like i did yesterday night: 'PS - i'm so glad your my boyfriend. i hope to someday be able to make you smile as much as you make me smile' .... no response. so then i felt vulnerable and stupid so i followed that text with: 'sorry if i'm a little much sometimes but occasionally i feel the need to tell you things like that lol' (trying to make light of it). Still no response the next day so I made one last ditch effort and said 'my bad about last night. idk why i felt like i needed to say that. i kind of feel stupid' and 'regardless ... i love you. have a good day'

I still haven't gotten a response or any form of communication acknowledging A. he got my texts B. how he feels .... I'm scared that i'm scaring him off or that since he didn't respond to me when I tried to be 'cute/lovey-dovey' that he doesn't feel the same way.

Anyone go through this? Can relate? Offer advice? HELP!

[squeeker]

Well I think the best course of action is to now wait until he texts back. Hopefully you didn't scare him off, but you might if if you keep texting before he has a chance to respond. :P I don't know your relationship though. Maybe he didn't know how to respond, or maybe feels like it's obvious he misses you and loves you and just feels awkward saying it over text. I think girls tend to be more lovey dovey and expressive of their feelings than guys (though this is not always the case of course!!). But it would be worrisome if he isn't feeling the same love towards you. But I wouldn't worry yet, because it could be just that he's overloaded and not sure how to respond.. and if he doesn't respond.. maybe just try and change the topic to what you normally talk about.. something light like a shared interest or something funny you did the other day.

[RachelAnne]

I wouldn't freak out so much yet, wait and give him a chance to respond I agree with squeeker, I'm sure he misses you and loves you just as much, but doesn't feel the need to be as expressive about it. I know I'm a lot more expressive about my feelings than my SO is.

[Hollandia]

Well, stop apologizing for your feelings. He feels them back or not and apologizing only makes it worse. You said it, you meant it, own it. If he can't return the feelings then accept that for now or back off. My SO was never like that in the first year but now he tells me he loves me all the time and how happy he is. Don't push but also don't back track, it only makes it more awkward, if anything I would just say , you know I won't say that stuff if you don't want to hear it anymore, but you used to say it too, so I did not realize this was unwanted now. I shall refrain.

It is not something I would make light of because 2 years of dating is way too soon for the shine to be wearing so thin. I think a good long talk is in order. Did he not like saying it before or he feels smothered now? 2 years of your life means you should be able to clearly understand the parameters and future mutual goals of your relationship. Don't hide from asking if you are afraid of the answers, they are there whether you know them or not.

[Mars]

I think it's important to try not to overthink it when your SO can't reply to your messages straight away. Sometimes things happen that impede communication like that: he may just have not had the time to read them yet, or he may be busy with a family situation, or something else. I know it can be worrying when an SO can't communicate right away, because it lets your mind jump to the worst case scenario. Best thing to do is give him the benefit of the doubt in cases of communication like this.

Second, when you do get the chance to talk, it could be best to just ask him what's going on. Tell him how you're feeling about this change and try to establish what's different. The important thing, I think, is to not panic and assume the worst.

[TaraMarie]

Forget texting. Call him. You are in a relationship. You can call....

[Ahava]

How often/soon does he normally reply to you?

[itsjen516]

That would bother me ! To be honest I don't get why some people can't just respond !!! It's not that hard. I either freak out thinking something happened or that he is mad at me :-/.
You should tell him to not ignore you that it hurts you

[ncm5026]

Thanks everyone for the advice! It's so nice to have a place to ask these questions with people who 'get it'. I've talked to him and let him know that I meant what I said but also explained more about how it makes me feel when he does this. It's a common occurrence that he doesn't answer my calls or takes longer than I'd like to respond to texts or calls. I've just wrote to him about that - telling him that I know he's busy with his last semester and that's he's expressed that things will change when school's over. BUT I also explained what I needed in an SO - someone I can rely on and know that he'll answer or call back ... not wonder if he will or worse, wonder if he'll even answer. So we'll see how he responds ... ultimately, I told him if he can't do that ... I understand and know that we communicate differently but I NEED these things from a partner.