was it ok to call him out for this ?

[itsjen516]

This morning i was scrolling through instangram and my fiance posted a photo. Some girl commented saying she needs him to cook better and then added a winky face (it was a photo of food) , he commented back and then she wrote back and a few comments back and forth and a few had winky faces.

i know its nothing but it made me upset for some reason. I called him out telling him it made me feel weird and that i dont like seeing him and some other girl winky face each oher. Its so childish of me but i couldnt help but feel hurt. Thats how me and him 1st started talking.

he told me he was very sorry anf that he didnt mean to hurt me he said they are just freinds and that no other women could ever replace me. that he loves me very much and i have nothing to worry.

yes i believe him and know he wont cheat but still i just felt crappy. Was it ok to call him out or should i have kept my mouth shut.

[CanadianGirl]

I think if something is bothering you, it's worth talking about. For any situation like this, as long as you give yourself time to calm down before bringing it up, talking about it is always better (for you and your SO) than keeping it to yourself.

[dizzyupthemeg]

Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is something worth talking about regardless of how small it may seem. Is this something that would have bothered me, no? But this isn't my relationship, it's yours. It's better to get it out and at least discuss it than you build up resentment over the whole thing.

[itsjen516]

I think if something is bothering you, it's worth talking about. For any situation like this, as long as you give yourself time to calm down before bringing it up, talking about it is always better (for you and your SO) than keeping it to yourself.

i talked calm no yelling or anything i just went "hey im not gonna lie i was pretty hurt that you and her were sending winky faces"

[lucybelle]

Yeah, I'd say you need to pick your battles. And arguing over emoticon usage just doesn't seem worthy enough to make the list.

[itsjen516]

I guess I take the wink as flirting

[bethyylovee]

Yeah, I'd say you need to pick your battles. And arguing over emoticon usage just doesn't seem worthy enough to make the list.

I have to disagree. If it was a cool, calm, collected conversation, I'd say you did the best thing. Something hurt you, and you guys talked about it, and you feel better now, yes? If it resolved something that was hurting you, and strengthened your relationship, it was the best move. I don't agree with "picking your battles." I think that if something hurts you, it's worth talking about. Communication is the most important thing to have.

[JaneEmily]

I guess I take the wink as flirting

Well as you say, you met your SO in similar circumstances and if it made you feel uncomfortable that he was doing that with another woman online, then of course you're allowed to be upset. Because it's going to feel like "but I thought that was OUR thing, not yours with someone else's". So yes, you're allowed to bring it up. If it upset you and made you feel anxious about what he's doing then the best thing is to bring it up and talk about your feelings with him so it's clear on how you felt about it. I made the mistake in 2012 with my SO, he kept doing things I didn't really find respectful to our relationship online and honestly it made me paranoid so I didn't tell him until it was a few months him constantly doing it - and to do this day I still get anxious bursts about it reoccurring but he's left all of it behind and proved that he won't do it again because he doesn't want me to feel like I can't trust him.

The only thing you'll do by keeping it locked inside is torturing yourself about the what if's will happen and torturing yourself about it happening and how you've reacted. So yes, you were right to call him out if it genuinely upset you.

[differentcountries]

Is it true that your fiance works/studies all hours and you don't get to see him much? This can lead to all kinds of insecurities and over-interpretations. It does'nt sound like you relly lost your temper and he seems understanding of your concerns, still I get the feeling you have not yet touched what is really bothering you.

[sarahjane1992]

I have to disagree. If it was a cool, calm, collected conversation, I'd say you did the best thing. Something hurt you, and you guys talked about it, and you feel better now, yes? If it resolved something that was hurting you, and strengthened your relationship, it was the best move. I don't agree with "picking your battles." I think that if something hurts you, it's worth talking about. Communication is the most important thing to have.

I agree with this. Ignoring an issue will only lead to hurt and resentment. There are many situations in life where "pick your battles" is appropriate, but this isn't one of them.

[80anthea]

I don't think the real issue here is if you were right in saying something to him about a wink smiley. Why did this bother you so much at all? Your SO is going to come across women on a daily basis both in real life and online, he's going to chat to women online if he uses social media, he might even slightly flirt with them. Why should it bother you? It's you he's chosen to be with and is marrying, winking at a girl doesn't change his feelings towards you! I think you need to work on your self-confidence and self-esteem a little.

People use after all sorts of things I say to people of all sexes, all ages. It doesn't mean they're going to jump into bed with everyone they do...I'd have bedded Moon on numerous occasions by now; nothing against Moon, she's just not my type

[sarahjane1992]

Is it true that your fiance works/studies all hours and you don't get to see him much? This can lead to all kinds of insecurities and over-interpretations. It does'nt sound like you relly lost your temper and he seems understanding of your concerns, still I get the feeling you have not yet touched what is really bothering you.

Not many of us here get to see our SO's as much as we'd like. And that makes it tough.
But lately when someone posts here, the first thing you do is throw the blame on them. That's not helpful or good advice.
If I was in the OP's position, I would have been bothered too. And I would have talked about it with my SO.

[itsjen516]

Yes many of you are right my self esstem is very low !! So small things can freak me out.
And the issue wasn't trust , since I do trust him. I just felt weird :-/. But you are all right I guess it's better I told then then to lie and let it kill me inside

[80anthea]

Not many of us here get to see our SO's as much as we'd like. And that makes it tough.
But lately when someone posts here, the first thing you do is throw the blame on them. That's not helpful or good advice.
If I was in the OP's position, I would have been bothered too. And I would have talked about it with my SO.

I don't think blame comes into it, I certainly didn't read it as DC blaming Jen. I think if people are bothered by the use of an emoticon then there are other issues there, those issues aren't necessarily the person's own fault but they do need dealing with.

I have been on the other side of the situation (and I'm not saying Jen is this bad). My ex-husband would always say things about me 'flirting' with other men, this interaction could have been as simple as a man commenting on a facebook status that he didn't know, he would then make remarks about me flirting with men in everyday situations: paying for something in a shop with a male cashier was flirting. It didn't matter that he said these things calmly and without shouting, the truth was he had such low self-esteem that he wanted to control my behaviour so as to not have me interacting with any men at all.

[Hollandia]

Well as you say, you met your SO in similar circumstances and if it made you feel uncomfortable that he was doing that with another woman online, then of course you're allowed to be upset. Because it's going to feel like "but I thought that was OUR thing, not yours with someone else's". So yes, you're allowed to bring it up. If it upset you and made you feel anxious about what he's doing then the best thing is to bring it up and talk about your feelings with him so it's clear on how you felt about it. I made the mistake in 2012 with my SO, he kept doing things I didn't really find respectful to our relationship online and honestly it made me paranoid so I didn't tell him until it was a few months him constantly doing it - and to do this day I still get anxious bursts about it reoccurring but he's left all of it behind and proved that he won't do it again because he doesn't want me to feel like I can't trust him.

The only thing you'll do by keeping it locked inside is torturing yourself about the what if's will happen and torturing yourself about it happening and how you've reacted. So yes, you were right to call him out if it genuinely upset you.

I agree with this. I met my SO online flirting first on a forum and then moved it to PMs and eventually IMs. When I was single I flirted with men online, now that I am not, I would never do it.