Making her feel special

[Chrisg729]

Hello everyone, my name is Chris and this will be my first post.

I've been with my SO for about 8 months today. We live about 3,000 miles apart, and I was wondering what are some of the thing that I could do to make her feel special. In the past, though on special occasions such as her birthday or valentines, I've sent her gifts and presents.

Lately, she's told me that I haven't been making her feel special. That I've been making her feel like a friend more than a girlfriend.
I understand that the time spent apart in not being able to show physical intimacy like holding and kissing adds to it...but I was wondering what kinds of things are there that I can do to show she is special to me.

She's suggested sending her things in the mail and good morning/night texts...

[dragonlady]

distance is always hard, me and my SO send each other poems (he writes them i find them on the internet, i'm no writer) or songs from you tube
sometimes when where on skype he tells me i am beautiful, that still makes me blush
but what she says help too, that little message when you wake up in the morning ect
its hard when your apart for such a long time to keep the "romance" going i wish you luck

[squeeker]

Hi! I think in long distance relationships, it is easy to end up treating each other more as friends, but I don't see it as a bad thing to be friends with your partner. I'm best friends with my boyfriend. But ways he makes me feels special and like his girlfriend.. basically what he says to me, like of course he says he loves me and he compliments me, he wants to be able to provide for me in the future, jokes with me about engagement and talks with me about our wedding one day. He supports me and basically we talk all the time.. which I don't do with any other friend. He buys things in the UK specifically to send me..sometimes he shares with me how he talked to a classmate or someone about me and that makes me feel special.

Along the note of goodmorning or goodnight texts.. maybe texting throughout the day, sending a photo with a cute caption showing you are thinking of her.. with time you should be able to know more of what she wants because each person is different with what makes them feel special. Good luck and stay strong!

[temporaryuser]

with your time difference, dont feel odd send good morning/nite texts. I like waking up to see a text from my SO. Ransdon thinking about you texts thru the day that dont require a response. A random email, note or snail mail.

[kittyxuchiha11]

There loads of things you can do to make your SO feel loved and special. even just sending a message no matter what the time to just tell her you love her. since my SO and i have a 5 hour time difference i'm always in class when she wakes up so we don't really send each other good morning messages since we both won't see them until we get home that evening. although sometimes she'll leave me a message on facebook just before she goes to bed intending it to be a morning message for me.
but messages are only one option and there are so many more. sending hand written letters isn't that expensive really and it's bound to at least make her smile. sending presents can be a bit more pricey but if you think she'd like that then maybe try sending her a few small presents in the mail and seeing how much it costs.
I think my favourite thing to send to my SO that makes her feel really special is flowers. i mean, everyone loves flowers right? they're pretty expensive, normally about $30 at cheapest when you add shipping and such but it's so worth it so see how happy they make her.
there really are so my ways you can make her feel special. get creative and see what happens :3

[differentcountries]

I guess she needs more romantic and sexual things. It is sweet to get letters and presents, you can also do things online like sing, ask romantic questions about each other, flirt in text or through skype and even be sexual online. Send pics or text during the day. Also, take notice of her preferences. My SO always remember what food I like to eat and that makes me feel special. My SOs fav question I asked him was, What is your first memory. He had to think for a long time to answer my question, but he loved to be asked it!

[whatruckus]

Write her love letters/emails. Post cute things to her Facebook saying you miss her and love her (so her friends can be jealous :P). Send her something you know she loves, like a T-Shirt from her favorite show (for reference, my boyfriend sent me a "Mrs. Daryl Dixon" shirt one time and I was so happy and surprised). Make her something (like a card, or cookies) and send it to her. If you know she's having a rough day, or really missing you, have flowers sent to her the next day to cheer her up. Write her a poem. Get an old T-Shirt of yours and spray it with your favorite cologne and tell her that when she misses you, to put the shirt on and imagine you're with her. Better yet, buy a teddy bear and spray it, then send it to her so she can cuddle with it.

Definitely send her texts when she's sleeping so that when she wakes up and checks her phone, you're the first thing she sees. I love when my boyfriend randomly does that, or writes a status about me on his FB telling all his friends how happy he is.

Send her naughty/dirty texts. :]

[Chillosaurus]

Hello everyone, my name is Chris and this will be my first post.

Welcom Chris!

[...]In the past, though on special occasions such as her birthday or valentines, I've sent her gifts and presents. Lately, she's told me that I haven't been making her feel special. That I've been making her feel like a friend more than a girlfriend.
I understand that the time spent apart in not being able to show physical intimacy like holding and kissing adds to it...but I was wondering what kinds of things are there that I can do to show she is special to me.

Here you have to think a while. I would say the problem is not that you give her not enough attention. You can make her feel like your girlfriend by staying congruent with your attraction to her. While it is hard to replace physical intimacy, you can still have very intimate time together. You can be a little flirty, talk dirty, have intimate conversations, make common dreams,... and when you feel like you miss her, when she makes you want to hold her in your arms (...) let her know and enjoy the feeling of missing each other together.
It is not about the amount of things you do to make her feel special, she has to acknowledge every little thing you do (pick up the phone, message back, ask her to move it on skype, plan the next meeting, tell her you miss her, girls you reject because of her) showing that you are not forgetting her.
What is my suggestion, the "plan of action" based on my experience (and those of many other men)?
1) Realise how special she is to you and how much you are attracted to her and act congruently and in the way which comes up to your mind. (Honestly, I do not believe it makes sense to you to copy another persons approach, because you want to show your personality and identity.)
2) When you feel like you are doing something just to hear back from her, have some attention, hear that she still likes you: don't do it. (This is included in 1, but I want to stress it, because I believe it is one major challenge for the leader in long distance). If you say things without fully meaning it, she might not realise when you actually mean it.
= Let her know about the way she makes you feel, without expecting ANY response.
3) Based on 1, be spontaneous and stay the person you are (the person she wanted to have a relationship with).
4) If you initiate conversations as much as she does or even more, let her miss that for a while, so she won't take it for granted.

She's suggested sending her things in the mail and good morning/night texts...

Don't do this - for now. Otherwise it is like you are doing something on request and you won't bring the message across that you have been thinking of her and that made you do something spontaneously.
Whatever you do, make sure it surprises her!

What does she do for you? Does she send you stuff in the mail, good morning texts...? What else does she do? Maybe there is a way of you both to find a common channel of communication through those little things?

[silvermoonfairy3]

Don't do this - for now. Otherwise it is like you are doing something on request and you won't bring the message across that you have been thinking of her and that made you do something spontaneously.
Whatever you do, make sure it surprises her!

I'm gonna strongly disagree here.
Yes, surprising her can be great, but if she specifically requested things, then *absolutely* do those things. Just don't make those the only things, because it'll seem like bare minimum effort or like she's pulling teeth. But otherwise, not doing them could have pretty negative repercussions or set bad patterns. She might feel like he doesn't listen when she explicitly said something that she would like/that would make her feel more special.

The longer you're in a relationship with someone, the more you realize that effectively communicating your needs and desires goes a long way to helping you feel happiest, since your partner can and theoretically will do things to fulfill those needs/desires. (And it's a two-way street, guys can and should communicate their needs and desires as well.)

[Chillosaurus]

I'm gonna strongly disagree here.
Yes, surprising her can be great, but if she specifically requested things, then *absolutely* do those things.

This does not contradict, what I have written. She did not request specific things, but gave him examples on ways to show his affection. By doing something different than this, he shows his affection, because it requires him to actually come up with something and is more personal.
(And no, there is no "absolutely". There is no need to submit to any request, if he does not feel right with it [this goes for every favors sexually, monetary, romantically,..]. However, it seems like he wants to do something - I guess, I just liked to disagree with you as well.)

[...] But otherwise, not doing them could have pretty negative repercussions or set bad patterns. She might feel like he doesn't listen when she explicitly said something that she would like/that would make her feel more special. [...]

It is of course nice to show that he sees her needs and gets what she wants. Nevertheless, I feel like I have to warn him to use her input to make his way of communicating affection more appropiate for her as the recipient rather than going into it like fulfilling a request in order to get a certain result (her seeing him more like a boyfriend again). . It is his choice what he feels like doing and his girl can only help by pushing him in the direction which is mostly appealing to her.

[whatruckus]

It is of course nice to show that he sees her needs and gets what she wants. Nevertheless, I feel like I have to warn him to use her input to make his way of communicating affection more appropiate for her as the recipient rather than going into it like fulfilling a request in order to get a certain result (her seeing him more like a boyfriend again). . It is his choice what he feels like doing and his girl can only help by pushing him in the direction which is mostly appealing to her.

I think I get what you're saying. Basically you're saying that he should do things that he WANTS to do and not just because she told him to do it, no? This makes sense. This way she doesn't feel as if he's only doing some things because she told him to and not because he actually wants to.

All the things that have been suggested are merely that: suggestions. I would say, do whatever was suggested, but throw your own spin on it. Make it personal for you two, things that you both love and share together so that she knows you're thinking about her. :]

[silvermoonfairy3]

This does not contradict, what I have written. She did not request specific things, but gave him examples on ways to show his affection.

"She suggested things like sending stuff in the mail and sending good morning/night texts" is pretty specific, and suggest/request in this instance are pretty similar.

By doing something different than this, he shows his affection, because it requires him to actually come up with something and is more personal.

Of course, and I didn't say that he shouldn't also try to come up with stuff on his own.
But I'm saying that if a partner tells you a specific thing that they would like, and you could do that thing and are comfortable with it, but just don't (even if it's to do something "better") it can and often will be interpreted as not even putting in the effort to do the thing specifically requested.
Hence why I'm saying that he should do the things that she asked for, and if he wants to/can come up with additional things on his own, great.

(And no, there is no "absolutely". There is no need to submit to any request, if he does not feel right with it [this goes for every favors sexually, monetary, romantically,..].

*sigh*
Of course if there's something he's uncomfortable with he shouldn't do it. I thought that a) went without saying and b) wasn't even particularly relevant here.

But if he's looking for ways to make her happy, and she gives him suggestions for ways, AND HE'S COMFORTABLE WITH THOSE THINGS then absolutely he should do them. It won't necessarily make it "less special" to her that they're things she suggested, which is what you're implying.

It is of course nice to show that he sees her needs and gets what she wants. Nevertheless, I feel like I have to warn him to use her input to make his way of communicating affection more appropiate for her as the recipient rather than going into it like fulfilling a request in order to get a certain result (her seeing him more like a boyfriend again). . It is his choice what he feels like doing and his girl can only help by pushing him in the direction which is mostly appealing to her.

Right.. and one of the things that she said would be appealing to her is good morning and good night texts, and then you said don't do that..
?

He can certainly use her comments as a guideline, it's not necessarily going to be "fulfilling a request" but I think it's really rocky ground to not do something if a partner asks for something reasonable, and you can reasonably accommodate it.

[Chillosaurus]

@silvermoonfairy3
I like how we managed to stress something together reaching a very clear and detailed level (at least that's what I want to believe). Thank you.
I think Chris can very well decide if his partner has given him good examples of what she would want or just said some random things to illustrate her point.

Still interesting to hear would be what Chris' partner does for him.

[silvermoonfairy3]

@silvermoonfairy3
I like how we managed to stress something together reaching a very clear and detailed level (at least that's what I want to believe). Thank you.
I think Chris can very well decide if his partner has given him good examples of what she would want or just said some random things to illustrate her point.

Still interesting to hear would be what Chris' partner does for him.

Coming at things from multiple sides, and all that.

And yeah, it'd be interesting to hear, agreed. Without making it a "contest" or anything, of course. Not that I'm saying you're making it a contest.

[youngisthan]

Send her some handmade gifts. Though today we are ahead in technology i think sending letters still works in relationship, try doing it.