Confused, not sure if we should go on

[Freebird]

The way I'm feeling, I'm confusing even myself. I can't even type correctly! I'm so stressed out I feel like something is going to give. I'm dealing with my emotions, and making a move to a different city in the next week, and getting my life in order, etc. Let's see if I can explain this without writing a novel.

Been dating my LD BF for 10 months now. We have never met in person. I've never fought with him, things seem very good, I wish we could talk more over the phone or cam more, but we try that as often as possible. We've been texting over Skype every single day. I am always concerned with how he's feeling, how his day is going. I tell him I love him, because I do. I care about him very much.

He was supposed to visit in Feb, couldn't visit. He was supposed to visit in June, not going to make it. We were aiming for August, but who says that's promised to us? This is very frustrating to me.

And I don't want to say my love is wasting away, but I just don't know what's going on with me. I keep thinking of other possibilities out there. As in, being single, or dating other guys (and on that note, let me clarify that there is NO other guy in the picture. I just find myself daydreaming about dating someone I meet in person, and having that physical contact that I'm dying for).

A part of me wants to be free, single, and explore what else is out there. I'm 23, moving to a major city with a huge social scene (the idea of which may have triggered this confusing of mine), and about to start college (after 4 years in the military).

On the other hand, I feel like breaking up with him would be so... cold. Because things seem so well between us, I feel like he would feel confused, betrayed. It would be SO out of the blue. I feel like I could be throwing away this sweet guy who, to no fault of his own, is just so far away. We both know if this LDR is going to work, eventually one of us would have to move.

I feel guilty for feeling like he's only an option at this point. I want out, but you know the saying "you don't know what you got till it's gone?" I'm scared of that.

I guess I'm just looking for advice, comments, etc. Maybe I'm selfish. I don't know anymore. Ugh.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

You are young, excited about some major changes in your life, and wanting to explore other possibilities. All normal feelings. And you have only been in your LDR for 10 months. It sounds to me like you are not fully committed to him, or you wouldn't be thinking of him as just an option.

Have you discussed all of this with him? Have you told him how you are feeling, and asked him about how he would feel if you started dating other men? Have you discussed having an open relationship, where both of you could date other people?

Hanging on out of fear, when you say you want out, is not fair to either of you.

As for time and distance, visiting or closing the distance, etc., all I can do is share my own experience. My SO and I met online 4 years ago, and have not met offline yet, and due to complications, probably won't for a long time. But, I can honestly say, that he is not just an option in my life, or in my heart. He used to tell me to go find someone more available, closer to me, because he felt it wasn't fair to me, but I told him, I have no desire to find anyone else. I asked him how he would feel if I did, and he said he wouldn't like it at all. He's stopped telling me to do that, because he knows I won't. It's not an option. IF you really love someone, you don't think about other options. However, I do realize that we are much older, and it is different when you are young, and have a biological clock that sooner or later will start ticking.

[Moon]

You aren't selfish at all, yo can't just keep going indefinitely with only the promise of meeting, a person can only take so much disappointment. There are plenty of times during the year where travel between the US and UK is pretty affordable, it's not fair to you to keep telling you he'll visit, and then he doesn't. Have a talk with hm, let him know you need this, and see where it goes. I don't blame you for how you're feeling, I would probably feel the same way. Good luck.

[Zapookie]

What were the reasons for visits falling through?

[velkoria]

As for time and distance, visiting or closing the distance, etc., all I can do is share my own experience. My SO and I met online 4 years ago, and have not met offline yet, and due to complications, probably won't for a long time. But, I can honestly say, that he is not just an option in my life, or in my heart. He used to tell me to go find someone more available, closer to me, because he felt it wasn't fair to me, but I told him, I have no desire to find anyone else. I asked him how he would feel if I did, and he said he wouldn't like it at all. He's stopped telling me to do that, because he knows I won't. It's not an option. IF you really love someone, you don't think about other options. However, I do realize that we are much older, and it is different when you are young, and have a biological clock that sooner or later will start ticking.

Thanks for this... some days when nobody understands that I love (am deeply, crazy in love) with a man I've never met in person and probably won't for a while it helps to hear/read this. I don't ever feel like dating someone else or anything like that but it's just hard when no one else understands.

[Freebird]

Thanks guys...
Last night I talked to him. Without going into detail, I told him I was massively stressed out and increasingly insecure with myself and with being in a relationship. We agreed to give each other space, at least for a few weeks. Maybe when I've moved, get settled, and have less stress I will be able to cope with being in a long distance relationship. Or maybe not. I let him know that I still cared about him, and he told me he still cared about me too. And if anything, we are still best friends.

This morning I feel a bit numb. I feel bad, but it was eating me away. That said, I do feel like I have a little weight off my shoulders... so maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

What were the reasons for visits falling through?

The first time in Feb, I'm not even sure to be honest. I was willing to take off from work and was waiting for him to confirm that he could, but it just fell through. June was a similar occurrence, except I had the entire month off. He booked time off but didn't seem ready to buy a ticket. He then said it wasn't going to work because of a change at work. Last night he also said he was avoiding seeing my earlier because of insecurities.

Maybe these things were unavoidable, but it is still frustrating.

[Freebird]

So, I've been noticeably less anxious since this separation. Yes, I still feel bad, but I feel better than how I did when I was with him. Not that he is a bad guy at all, and not that it was some sort of toxic relationship. I think it was my insecurities. But I feel better. It feels odd to say it, but I think this is confirmation that this LDR was simply not for me. And I may not be ready for any type of relationship for a while until I'm settled in my new "life" and have less stress.