Hello. I am new to this site and have been reading a lot of posts and am very happy to have found others here who have been going through similar situations. I have recently ended a long distance relationship and really need some advice on where to go from here.
Here is some of the background information without bombarding you with too much…..
First, our relationship in a nutshell and all the good stuff. We met in the states (I am from the US, he from England) on a vacation in which we were both traveling with a group of friends. We instantly clicked, however we were both in relationships, very unhealthy ones I should add, so we became friends. The moment I met him I knew he was the one and I still remember that moment, I was just in awe of him and how he made me feel.
Fast forward a year later. We both went on the same vacation, it is an annual thing we do with friends, and had both ended our relationships. We had the same chemistry and just knew that we needed to be together. A few weeks after that vacation I flew to England to see him and we officially began our relationship. The whole next year we were head over heels in love, constantly communicating, visiting each other frequently and just having an amazing time as you do in the beginning stages of a relationship. We met each others friends and family and we all got along wonderfully. The distance was hard and the time difference, but we made it work. We discussed the future frequently and made plans together for me to begin the process of trying to move there. I sold my home, took a leave of absence from my job for a year and began looking for a job in England. It was a lot more difficult than I had anticipated it being, especially with all the visa regulations. That put some stress on our relationship. He also knew that he would soon be out of a job at the end of May, with no prospect of a new job. He is also starting a small business and his income was supporting that business, again all added stress. I was never able to find a job in England, unofficially do not have a job where I live (although chances are I could get it back) and have no home. I am living with my parents now. More stress…...
Now, where we are today and the sad stuff. We officially ended things two weeks ago, although we had been having some issues for about a month. I have been devastated and so has he. It was a mutual decision, but he said he was struggling to see a future anymore and his feelings have changed, meaning that he didn't feel the same spark as he did when we first met. I, of course, as a female wanted to talk it out and communicate and we tried. I felt like it was coming out of nowhere and he tells me all this about a month before I was hoping to come out and visit him for the summer and look for jobs there. At first he did not want to break up or communicate less, but as time went on our relationship began to change. We were not communicating as much and became more like friends. I told him I would give him space and time to think, which didn't work out too well because I thought…space?? We already have enough space between us! I thought if we didn't communicate it would kill us. He, however, just kept saying that he didn't know how to explain his feelings and that his head and heart were all over the place. Us talking more at that point wasn't helping him figure things out. When we kept talking it was just giving me too many mixed messages. He said he still loved me and that I was amazing, but he just needed to get his head straight. Every time I heard that I was hanging on to a tiny thread of hope that things would go back to how they were. But, as time went on it was just causing me to be on a roller coaster of emotions. As of three days ago, I sent him an email saying that I have to officially cut off contact from my end. I told him he could contact me if he needed too. We have tried this all before, but couldn't stop talking, although during those times we hadn't officially ended things. This is the first time that we haven't had contact for more than two days and it has been extremely difficult for me.
I still love him and would be willing to make things work. I feel like he may be giving up too easily on this, ending a committed relationship just because his feelings changed slightly?? I am just wondering how long do I hold on? I have let him go for now and am a mess. I am giving him time to think about things, but am I just being naive here? Has he been trying to tell me things are over for good and I am just not listening or is there some hope?
If you have been in a similar situation or have some advice I would truly appreciate it.
Thank you
Here is some of the background information without bombarding you with too much…..
First, our relationship in a nutshell and all the good stuff. We met in the states (I am from the US, he from England) on a vacation in which we were both traveling with a group of friends. We instantly clicked, however we were both in relationships, very unhealthy ones I should add, so we became friends. The moment I met him I knew he was the one and I still remember that moment, I was just in awe of him and how he made me feel.
Fast forward a year later. We both went on the same vacation, it is an annual thing we do with friends, and had both ended our relationships. We had the same chemistry and just knew that we needed to be together. A few weeks after that vacation I flew to England to see him and we officially began our relationship. The whole next year we were head over heels in love, constantly communicating, visiting each other frequently and just having an amazing time as you do in the beginning stages of a relationship. We met each others friends and family and we all got along wonderfully. The distance was hard and the time difference, but we made it work. We discussed the future frequently and made plans together for me to begin the process of trying to move there. I sold my home, took a leave of absence from my job for a year and began looking for a job in England. It was a lot more difficult than I had anticipated it being, especially with all the visa regulations. That put some stress on our relationship. He also knew that he would soon be out of a job at the end of May, with no prospect of a new job. He is also starting a small business and his income was supporting that business, again all added stress. I was never able to find a job in England, unofficially do not have a job where I live (although chances are I could get it back) and have no home. I am living with my parents now. More stress…...
Now, where we are today and the sad stuff. We officially ended things two weeks ago, although we had been having some issues for about a month. I have been devastated and so has he. It was a mutual decision, but he said he was struggling to see a future anymore and his feelings have changed, meaning that he didn't feel the same spark as he did when we first met. I, of course, as a female wanted to talk it out and communicate and we tried. I felt like it was coming out of nowhere and he tells me all this about a month before I was hoping to come out and visit him for the summer and look for jobs there. At first he did not want to break up or communicate less, but as time went on our relationship began to change. We were not communicating as much and became more like friends. I told him I would give him space and time to think, which didn't work out too well because I thought…space?? We already have enough space between us! I thought if we didn't communicate it would kill us. He, however, just kept saying that he didn't know how to explain his feelings and that his head and heart were all over the place. Us talking more at that point wasn't helping him figure things out. When we kept talking it was just giving me too many mixed messages. He said he still loved me and that I was amazing, but he just needed to get his head straight. Every time I heard that I was hanging on to a tiny thread of hope that things would go back to how they were. But, as time went on it was just causing me to be on a roller coaster of emotions. As of three days ago, I sent him an email saying that I have to officially cut off contact from my end. I told him he could contact me if he needed too. We have tried this all before, but couldn't stop talking, although during those times we hadn't officially ended things. This is the first time that we haven't had contact for more than two days and it has been extremely difficult for me.
I still love him and would be willing to make things work. I feel like he may be giving up too easily on this, ending a committed relationship just because his feelings changed slightly?? I am just wondering how long do I hold on? I have let him go for now and am a mess. I am giving him time to think about things, but am I just being naive here? Has he been trying to tell me things are over for good and I am just not listening or is there some hope?
If you have been in a similar situation or have some advice I would truly appreciate it.
Thank you
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