She lost interest in me?

[I_Matt]

I'm not sure what may be happening, so I guess I'd ask who also passed through this, so here I am...

In first place, I know both me an SO have our jobs, our studies and everything else and I know she gets really busy with all this — I DO understand this and she also understands that I too, have my job and all that.

What bothers me is: we barely get to talk. In the past, we used to talk almost entire nights (and day too, when possible) and we even got to get around this when we started at our jobs and when school started again, but in the last few days we've talked like one or two days a week, with some delay and rarely over an hour or so. Also, I've noticed that sometimes, she would read messages I left for her, but wouldn't reply at all.

We've never really made this "official", we've been good friends in the past and just from some months ago she started to show signs she liked me (even randomly texting me things like "my wonderful, awesome [...]", eventually we also agreed that we both liked each other, and she also said she loves me and that hopes someday to meet me, but I'm so confused if this will really work and if we will still like each other when we meet...

Any advices or tips?

[Cristiana]

Few weeks ago me and my SO didnt talk for 4 days. I got worried (and a little pissed off ), but when we finally were able to talk, he said he was leaving me messages I just didnt get..

In this kind of relationship, LDRs, communication is the main thing and when you notice a lack of it, it's easy to worry about it (and even normal!) but it's easier to make wrong conclusions, most of all on your own.
The reasons could be endless, so just wait for the moment you two can talk and ask her. It's better to ask directly to her than brood and create problems in your mind that may not exist - and I tell you this because I always do this, but I know it's nothing but wrong and useless.

Communication can be missing sometimes, it just can happen, the main thing is to clarify about it when you get to talk, and be understanding.
Also, in my opinion, you will notice if she lost interest in you not when she doesnt talk to you but when she does. For ex. If she's happy to talk to you again, if she ask you how are you and how's been your days, etc.

[Harlequin]

Your best bet would be to talk to her about it. Ask if things are alright, and express how you feel; maybe you can come up with something to make the sudden drop in communication a little easier to handle. I would also talk to her about, well I guess not necessarily making it official, but what you two intend to do about it/make sure you're both on the same page. I wouldn't worry about her reading a message without responding. There's a good chance that she read your message, but was too busy to respond, and ultimately forgot to respond all together. I'm sure it was nothing personal

It's hard having communication drop so suddenly, but it can be manageable. My s/o and I had that happen to us, so I only really get to hear from him a few times every week or two (which is fine for me). When the communication first dropped, it almost broke us up, but we talked it out and came up with a compromise: we let each other know if we're going to get very busy all of a sudden and for approximately how long, we've started sending emails, and every now and then we'll send each other a quick message just to be like "hey I'm still around." If we know we're heading to a quiet week, we try to schedule a skype date.

So yeah, just talk to her and see what you both can come up with. Good luck!

[I_Matt]

In this kind of relationship, LDRs, communication is the main thing and when you notice a lack of it, it's easy to worry about it (and even normal!) but it's easier to make wrong conclusions, most of all on your own.
The reasons could be endless, so just wait for the moment you two can talk and ask her. It's better to ask directly to her than brood and create problems in your mind that may not exist - and I tell you this because I always do this, but I know it's nothing but wrong and useless.

Oh yes, I got worried but I also expected this could (and would) happen... Just had no idea how it was like (well, now I know how it is)...

Your best bet would be to talk to her about it. Ask if things are alright, and express how you feel; maybe you can come up with something to make the sudden drop in communication a little easier to handle. I would also talk to her about, well I guess not necessarily making it official, but what you two intend to do about it/make sure you're both on the same page. I wouldn't worry about her reading a message without responding. There's a good chance that she read your message, but was too busy to respond, and ultimately forgot to respond all together. I'm sure it was nothing personal

It's hard having communication drop so suddenly, but it can be manageable. My s/o and I had that happen to us, so I only really get to hear from him a few times every week or two (which is fine for me). When the communication first dropped, it almost broke us up, but we talked it out and came up with a compromise: we let each other know if we're going to get very busy all of a sudden and for approximately how long, we've started sending emails, and every now and then we'll send each other a quick message just to be like "hey I'm still around." If we know we're heading to a quiet week, we try to schedule a skype date.

So yeah, just talk to her and see what you both can come up with. Good luck!

Communication can be missing sometimes, it just can happen, the main thing is to clarify about it when you get to talk, and be understanding.
Also, in my opinion, you will notice if she lost interest in you not when she doesnt talk to you but when she does. For ex. If she's happy to talk to you again, if she ask you how are you and how's been your days, etc.

Yep, right as I was getting stuff ready for work tomorrow she called me and explained that she was too tired to reply, but that she actually saw my messages and that should be more available as soon as vacations come.

I've been thinking: hey, all that time without talking (plus the distance) could be actually good - if we get through this, then there's nothing else that can really screw up things (other than ourselves), plus I have to remember that even before all this LDR thing started, me and SO were already very good friends for a long time, so I guess we wouldn't break up that easily...

Anyways, thank you very very much for the help Cristiana/Harlequin, it's great to know there are people who understand and can help here

[Miasmata]

Communication is vital, and while worries are absolutely human and understandable, you should try to pace yourself and not think the worst immediately. (I'm very guilty of that, it's not fun!)
As mentioned by the previous posters, communciation can die down for a while for a gazillion of reasons, and that's when you should be especially good on the uptake and communicate with each other when possible. You are good for your partner, don't forget that - It's very, very unlikely you'll suddenly be dumped because of a lack of interest or whatever. Trust isn't easy, but try having a bit more of it, and definitely communicate plenty about your needs, worries and schedules so you two always know what's up. With trust and dedication, communication is definitely managable and helps tons.

Best of luck to you!

[differentcountries]

It is hard when life gets busy. Because it is often not just being occupied, but also getting exhausted. Lately, both me and SO have had lots to do at work. I have become sensitive and sometimes take his declining attention to heart. We never Skype for long anymore, because he is so tired, 1 hour is rare these days, 15 minutes is the standard, if I get 30 minutes of focused attention I am happy. Sometimes we do Viber texts in the mornings, which is nice. He tells me he misses me. I tell him I miss him. I miss the details we used to share more but I see that it is life, not him. Also, as long as he works 10 hours a day in a physical job we simply can't Skype for hours, because he needs the sleep.

Please, if you dont know what happens, be kind. Try to understand the other person 's point of view. Sometimes my SO forgets to tell me how (bad) his day was, and it helps him if I can make an educated guess. If he feels understood it is much easier for him to be curious about me.

[whatruckus]

Well, first of all, you said that it's not "official". I think above everything else, you should probably talk to her about it. This way you can establish proper communication schedules. Maybe she really is busy and tired, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

My SO and I used to talk all the time, now it's every now and then throughout the day. At first, I hated it. I still don't like it, but I've learned to get used to it. It's just how he is.

[Fretboard_Magic]

As Harlequin has briefly touched on, and Whatruckus directly pointed out, first of all you should talk to her about where each other stands in this "potential-relationship". Right now, it's not official. That basically means she has absolutely NO obligation to message you every single day unless you two actually plan it ahead of time. For that matter, even two people in a relationship are not obligated to do so provided that they communicate well. It's really about quality, as in how well you can connect with the other person, rather than a mere matter of how often. Two people can talk and talk and talk, and still not really connect at a deep level.

Now, on communication... Communication is important, yes. But what's also important is whether or not you and the other person can communicate easily. They say relationships take a lot of work, and that's true. But I strongly believe a lot of it also has to do with how compatible you are with each other. With the right partner, communication actually seems to come easily. At least that's what I've personally found. And when it becomes challenging, it's not because you can't express yourselves to each other but due to outside influences like work, school, busy schedules, so on so forth. However, if you're having a communication problem on a more fundamental level, like, expressing each other's feelings, thoughts, spiritual connection, things like that... Well, then that's something that makes me go "hmmm...."

Food for thought. :-)

[whatruckus]

As Harlequin has briefly touched on, and Whatruckus directly pointed out, first of all you should talk to her about where each other stands in this "potential-relationship". Right now, it's not official. That basically means she has absolutely NO obligation to message you every single day unless you two actually plan it ahead of time. For that matter, even two people in a relationship are not obligated to do so provided that they communicate well. It's really about quality, as in how well you can connect with the other person, rather than a mere matter of how often. Two people can talk and talk and talk, and still not really connect at a deep level.

Now, on communication... Communication is important, yes. But what's also important is whether or not you and the other person can communicate easily. They say relationships take a lot of work, and that's true. But I strongly believe a lot of it also has to do with how compatible you are with each other. With the right partner, communication actually seems to come easily. At least that's what I've personally found. And when it becomes challenging, it's not because you can't express yourselves to each other but due to outside influences like work, school, busy schedules, so on so forth. However, if you're having a communication problem on a more fundamental level, like, expressing each other's feelings, thoughts, spiritual connection, things like that... Well, then that's something that makes me go "hmmm...."

Food for thought. :-)

You worded it better than me!

[TampaLove]

I actually just sent a text to my guy that said,"It's one of those nights where I want to keep in touch, but I'm so tired my brain can't think of anything good to say!"

We text on and off all day, and have played 20 Questions about 6 or 8 times over the last couple of months, so sometimes...we just run out of things to talk about. And that's ok.

Just communicate with her your honest feelings about it, and it'll be fine. I'm sure she's not losing interest.

[I_Matt]

Yes, as some people mentioned, I believe communication is key (specially in a LDR) and both me and SO trust each other - we know that we really like each other and that we won't suddenly dump each other too - maybe it was just some irrational fear of she having lost interest in me but not wanting to make me feel bad...
We've also talked about our times and how it's sad we can't talk that much we used to, but well, I notice she puts efforts in staying awake and talk to me.

In terms of talking, even though we don't get to talk very much, when we find each other available, then it's pretty easy to talk - we will eventually talk about everything, even everyday things that would sound really boring to us end up making a great and interesting conversation, so I guess this point atleast, we are fine, right? Sometimes we also deepen the conversations and even talk about ourselves and things like that.

Since our time is pretty short and most of times when we find each other one of us is via phone, we haven't got to Skype yet (we did once, though). I'm seeing if I can either change carrier or get some other way so we can actually call ourselves without spending a fortune (let's save for the plane trips!)
In the last few days, I've been thinking of we both sending video messages to each other - while it's not like seeing her in person or via Skype, atleast we're actually seeing each other (with the bonus we can always go back and watch it again )

As some also mentioned about the "official" thing, well we already talked about this, and we agreed that we prefer to make this official when we first meet (this is mostly for her, but I understand her point). Being agreed on this, we also plan our first meeting, so I guess it's something, right?

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Well, first of all, you said that it's not "official". I think above everything else, you should probably talk to her about it. This way you can establish proper communication schedules. Maybe she really is busy and tired, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

My SO and I used to talk all the time, now it's every now and then throughout the day. At first, I hated it. I still don't like it, but I've learned to get used to it. It's just how he is.

Yup, that's us, too. Sporadically, throughout the day. He just pops in and out when he has a moment to breathe. I can understand it, with his 72 hr. work week, 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. And I understand he has family, friends, and a life of his own, but I got a bit upset when he said he's been going out after work most nights. And he missed two crucial World Cup games he was going to watch with me, slept right through them, ignored my messages, because he was so tired (and here all this time I thought he was tired because of his job). But, at least he tells me goodnight. And last night, while he was out with his Football buddies, he was busy chatting with me. So guess I can't really complain.