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Update: a week from 1st meet and he's pulling back

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    Update: a week from 1st meet and he's pulling back

    I had the chance to talk to B tonight about how I've been feeling over the last week or two that he's become more friendly/less romantic in our communication (see previous thread).

    So we just talked for about a half hour. Basically, reality finally hit that we might NOT have a fabulous romantic connection like he just assumed we would all this time. I had been saying things like that on and off since the beginning, and it finally sunk into him that it was a possibility, and that this trip is "just like any other first date with anyone", in his words. I guess by me saying things, it snapped him out of the fairy tale and he started thinking more practically. In a way that's good, but in a way, I wish he hadn't started thinking like that! When the rose colored glasses aren't on in the beginning, you tend to look at someone a little more critically than if you feel all sweet and lovey from the start.

    But it is what it is. I'm not sure how things will go on Thursday as far as romantic things like holding hands or kissing or whatever, whether that stuff will even come into play as an option, or whether he's going to err on the friendly side and decide right off the bat that it's just going to be friendship and not try it out? I don't know if that even made sense. I'm turned all inside out. At least I understand why he changed the way he did, and I know that it wasn't specifically on purpose, per se. I know that he's being practical and letting the jury be out until we see how we are together, not that he's losing interest in the situation. That was my concern, was that was I going to go there with hopes, when he had already let those hopes go?

    I don't necessarily like this feeling I have inside me right now. I liked the warm, fuzzy, "I like you" vibes I was getting from him. These "I'm open and 50/50 on the fence" vibes SUCK.

    But at least we did make it 1000% clear to each other that we would be honest no matter what and not worry about hurting the other's feelings or trying to "let down easy".
    Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairytale!

    #2
    I'm glad you finally got to the bottom of it, although don't let it get you down too much. If he's still planning on meeting with you that's a good sign! Chances are, the reason he's feeling "50/50 on the fence" is because he's nervous. It's easier to try and look at it from a friendship perspective, and wait until you meet in person, than it is to just jump in feet first and risk your emotions, or risk being wrong. I know I felt the same way back when I started to develop feelings for my SO because I was, and still am a afraid of rejection.

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      #3
      I just hope I didn't create a self fulfilling prophecy and turned him off by being cautious and realistic.
      Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairytale!

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        #4
        Originally posted by TampaLove View Post
        I just hope I didn't create a self fulfilling prophecy and turned him off by being cautious and realistic.
        Let me put it this way. If he's not cautious and realistic himself and you guys don't actually get on, how long will it be before you decide to break it off? Caution and realism is good to have because it should keep you both grounded and able to make the right choices when the haze of new love finally wears off
        "Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

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          #5
          I think it's pretty natural to pull back a little before the visit, while you may be excited, it's also a huge reality check. You're meeting someone that there's huge expectations that you're going to get along with, but you might not. If you don't get along, it could be awkward and weird, if you do get along, it's then the realisation of the situation you're then put in with a huge cross-country/or world relationship that is going to take a lot of work. I wouldn't take it to heart, see how the visit goes, and work from there
          Together since: Feb 23rd 2005.
          First met: June 13th 2006

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            #6
            Originally posted by merlinkitty View Post
            Caution and realism is good to have because it should keep you both grounded and able to make the right choices when the haze of new love finally wears off
            So true! The 'head over heels lovey dovey' stuff is really nice, thinking about the future, being a hopeless romantic, ect. But you can't throw all caution to the wind.

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              #7
              Originally posted by BlueCat View Post
              I think it's pretty natural to pull back a little before the visit, while you may be excited, it's also a huge reality check. You're meeting someone that there's huge expectations that you're going to get along with, but you might not. If you don't get along, it could be awkward and weird, if you do get along, it's then the realisation of the situation you're then put in with a huge cross-country/or world relationship that is going to take a lot of work. I wouldn't take it to heart, see how the visit goes, and work from there
              This makes total sense to me, and is very helpful...as is everyone's kind words of advice. Thank you so much! I've felt better today, less doom-y, haha

              Only one more day, and then we'll see how it turns out!
              Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairytale!

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                #8
                Originally posted by TampaLove View Post
                This makes total sense to me, and is very helpful...as is everyone's kind words of advice. Thank you so much! I've felt better today, less doom-y, haha

                Only one more day, and then we'll see how it turns out!
                Haha enjoy your time!!
                "Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

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