I had the chance to talk to B tonight about how I've been feeling over the last week or two that he's become more friendly/less romantic in our communication (see previous thread).
So we just talked for about a half hour. Basically, reality finally hit that we might NOT have a fabulous romantic connection like he just assumed we would all this time. I had been saying things like that on and off since the beginning, and it finally sunk into him that it was a possibility, and that this trip is "just like any other first date with anyone", in his words. I guess by me saying things, it snapped him out of the fairy tale and he started thinking more practically. In a way that's good, but in a way, I wish he hadn't started thinking like that! When the rose colored glasses aren't on in the beginning, you tend to look at someone a little more critically than if you feel all sweet and lovey from the start.
But it is what it is. I'm not sure how things will go on Thursday as far as romantic things like holding hands or kissing or whatever, whether that stuff will even come into play as an option, or whether he's going to err on the friendly side and decide right off the bat that it's just going to be friendship and not try it out? I don't know if that even made sense. I'm turned all inside out. At least I understand why he changed the way he did, and I know that it wasn't specifically on purpose, per se. I know that he's being practical and letting the jury be out until we see how we are together, not that he's losing interest in the situation. That was my concern, was that was I going to go there with hopes, when he had already let those hopes go?
I don't necessarily like this feeling I have inside me right now. I liked the warm, fuzzy, "I like you" vibes I was getting from him. These "I'm open and 50/50 on the fence" vibes SUCK.
But at least we did make it 1000% clear to each other that we would be honest no matter what and not worry about hurting the other's feelings or trying to "let down easy".
So we just talked for about a half hour. Basically, reality finally hit that we might NOT have a fabulous romantic connection like he just assumed we would all this time. I had been saying things like that on and off since the beginning, and it finally sunk into him that it was a possibility, and that this trip is "just like any other first date with anyone", in his words. I guess by me saying things, it snapped him out of the fairy tale and he started thinking more practically. In a way that's good, but in a way, I wish he hadn't started thinking like that! When the rose colored glasses aren't on in the beginning, you tend to look at someone a little more critically than if you feel all sweet and lovey from the start.
But it is what it is. I'm not sure how things will go on Thursday as far as romantic things like holding hands or kissing or whatever, whether that stuff will even come into play as an option, or whether he's going to err on the friendly side and decide right off the bat that it's just going to be friendship and not try it out? I don't know if that even made sense. I'm turned all inside out. At least I understand why he changed the way he did, and I know that it wasn't specifically on purpose, per se. I know that he's being practical and letting the jury be out until we see how we are together, not that he's losing interest in the situation. That was my concern, was that was I going to go there with hopes, when he had already let those hopes go?
I don't necessarily like this feeling I have inside me right now. I liked the warm, fuzzy, "I like you" vibes I was getting from him. These "I'm open and 50/50 on the fence" vibes SUCK.
But at least we did make it 1000% clear to each other that we would be honest no matter what and not worry about hurting the other's feelings or trying to "let down easy".
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